Am i crazy

[astrix]

Hello my name is nicky , im not whining i just need to know if im crazy.

Well i have been suicidal for the last 5 weeks and instead of taking my life im taking my fathers asprain and my depression tablets , let me explan what is going on.

I was pregnant at 15 gave birth to a beautiful little girl when i was 16 when she was 7 months old i lost to DOCS!

I have had depression seens i was 13 and im now 19 but when i fell pregnant i felt good about myself again and i wasnt depressed anymore when she was born my life turnet a new leaf she gave me strength to feel good again and i aloud myself to be happy for the first time in ages! Then i lost her seens then i gone a down wood sprail.

I dont feel complete and know im looking at this way no one tells me im a good mother no one hugs me and says it will be ok just once i would like someone to turn around and say to me im a good mum , my little girl is now 3 and i dont think i can live know what ive done the fact my little girl in care i know it sounds selfish but i dont feel like a mum even though i know i am if that makes sense ... when i see her once a month i feel good and then i go bad again for 2 hrs i feel good i just dont think i face the fact i can live like this anymore is that wrong , i know as she gets older she want to know me and have me in her life and i know its selfish but i just keep going on like this.

Dont tell me its going to get better cause it wont ... am i crazy

Nicky

[nottoogreen]

Hi Nicky,

 

DOCS=department of community services is'nt it?.

 

Why DOCS kept your daughter. Could she not be with you, your mom and dad?

[JJRadical]

You are not crazy.

 

You have been doing the best you can at the time whether you believe so or not.

 

Considering what you've been through its natuarl you would be depressed and you are beating yourself up with guilt pretty good.

 

Sometimes in life its ok just to endure and survive another day.

 

Seek help immediatey. You are worth it. You can't be anything to anybody until you take care of yourself first...

[msmorbid]

hi,

Your not crazy your just sad,

i was like that depressed low self estem ,then when i had my son and being pregnant i felt id finally achieved something worthwhile. I was young to, did my best to nurture and care for him but my circumstances grew hard and i let it get the better of me before i knew it got depressed again had a breakdown, and my son now lives with his father i just see him at weekends .Theres not a day that dosnt pass that i dont regret it or feel guilty even suicidle, but what youv got to rememember its fight to get strong so you can be there for your child in the future or maybe get custody of her again.

 

Your not a bad mother you care if you didnt care you wouldnt be posting here about it. Dont be hard on yourself 15yr is young i can be easy to be overwhelmed by the responsibility of a child, you cant change the past but you can change the future , my advice is stop beating yourself up and concentrate on your future with your daughter, cause believe me i had myself feeling that bad about my son and everything else i nearly swallowed a bottle of pills, then were would my son be motherless.

 

take care

[nicorette]

you are a great mother, dont think anything otherwise adn dont let other people let you know that. as msmorbid said, the fact that you are posting here adn know you need help is the first step. id try to get some counseling.

[renthead]

Keep your chin up and look forward to the future. I think you're have a bit of a hard time "surviving" at this moment. Just remember that you have your daughter and that she looks up to you. I'm sure you've looked up to somebody, right? Well, everybody needs a model/idol, so maybe you could be that for your girl.

 

Dont tell me its going to get better cause it wont ... am i crazy

 

With that attitude, of course you're not going to get better. You need to be more optimistic and hopeful of the future. And no you're not crazy. This is normal.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Life is, and you have done a think I will never do and that is bring life into this world. Any fool with a gun can take life but to make it, and twice is such gift.

How can you be crazy with a power like that. No your not crazy just feeling pain and loss like so meny here. In your hands is a new life you have to look at her and see that your two lifes for a time must travile togiver. As for getting better thats down to you I live as you have power of what you feel and to some exstent your child. There must be a post child cear group you can go to if there is go and see if any one there has the post child blues.

I hope they or some one around you can take the time to talk things over with you about your feelings of self harm.

 

All the best SF