What to do, What to do???

[lostnconfused13]

Hi all, I am kind of new to this so I hope I get it right.

 

My wife and I met a little over 3yrs ago married for 2. We separated last Sept. mainly because I was going through a major bout of depression/lack of motivation. We got back together in late Dec. Well about a month ago I was told that she was not happy and had not been happy for awhile. That she needed to "find" herself again and that one of us moving out was the most likely situation. I have been fighting tooth and nail since moving back in to show her that I wanted to make up the "lost" time to her. I was over the depression and ready to get on with life. Every time we have a civilized argument she likes to bring up the past but says she isnt holding a grudge. I really am lost when it comes to what to do now. I love her with all my heart and don't want it to be over. She says that love is not the issue because she loves me too. I am the first man in her life who has not treated her like trash, is she just not used to this?? Is she self destructive, she finally has what she has been looking for and now that she has it????

I know its not an affair...so what is it???

 

Any ??'s feel free to ask...I just hope one of you may think of something that I havent thought of. Thank You

[melrich]

Maybe she is struggling to put he past in the past. If she keeps referring to it that sort of indicates that she has her doubts. In part it's probably a trust issue. She may be taking a long term view and thinking "what if the same thing happens in the future?"

 

I don't know waht to advise you to do right now. All I could say is that if she's feeling this way then it is unlikely to just go away. Maybe she needs a break to gather her thoughts and feelings. Could she take a holiday on her own? Could she stay with her family for a week or two?

[lostnconfused13]

Thanks for the reply, all of her family is Colorado and she just started a new job so as far as her having a vacation or staying with parents...nope. I really wish I knew what else I am suppost to do. I dont drink, beat on her or the kids, dont do drugs, gamble. She told me that she was tired of me "putting her up on a pedastal" and never coming down on her but she feels guilty when she comes down on me for things. Uhhh...what am i missing????

[Jax]

Thanks for the reply, all of her family is Colorado and she just started a new job so as far as her having a vacation or staying with parents...nope. I really wish I knew what else I am suppost to do. I dont drink, beat on her or the kids, dont do drugs, gamble. She told me that she was tired of me "putting her up on a pedastal" and never coming down on her but she feels guilty when she comes down on me for things. Uhhh...what am i missing????

 

The problem is so obvious I don't know why you haven't noticed it before. Your not treating her like she's your partner but rather your treating her like she's your mistress. Women do not want a man who will worship the ground they walk on. They want a man who stands up for himself even if it's his wife who he's standing up against. My advice to you is to give her some room, and focus on yourself for a while. The more you cling to her, the further she will drift from you. And from now on don't treat her like a queen all the time. Just treat her like a normal person. When she does or says something which is wrong then call her on it. Don't be afraid to speak up. Just treat her like you would any other person.