Having trouble lasting long

[Vert]

This is a very embarrassing subject for most men, and it's something that I thought I didn't have a problem with until my sexual relationship with my new wife. Let me quickly explain... I have had three sexual partners in my lifetime, and my last partner is my wife yet we didn't have sex till on our wedding day (both decided that we wanted to wait after having past sexual partners and failed relationships). Anyway, with my first gf I had problems lasting long and I blame this mostly on a porn addiction in my early years at college (I usually didn't last long masterbating). However, my second gf was far more skilled than my first and I was able to last upwards of 15-20 minutes or more easily and every time. Now I am with my 3rd partner, my wife, and I'm back to having trouble lasting even close to 5 minutes (unless it's a repeat event a few minutes later then I last for a while). Another issue is that I was able to have sex multiple times and be hard again after orgasm in less than a few minutes... That has also left me. Whats the deal with me? Any advice or techniques on lasting longer would be welcomed as well. FYI thinking about other things during sex doesn't really help me...

[nottoogreen]

Nothing embarrassing here.

 

That you do not easily last long is quite normal your age. You may also be very excited about her.

 

I had the same problem your age. Once you are my age it will be almost opposite if you have sex daily, sometimes I do not come at all.

 

You can research on the web "premature ejaculation"

 

You can make sure the is very well lubricated and also let her on top.

 

A quick fix which helped me 20 years ago was a quarter or half dose of anti depressants. Ask your GP for a prescription or alternatives.

 

Edited: With reference to the third post by kellbell, and your post

 

When you are stressed you do not get it up, when the phone rings mine goes down, such is life.

 

She seems to be excitable, a bit dopy and talks too much, do not worry about it.

 

Work on satisfying her sexually and build your relationship.

 

Take it easy and focus on love.

 

And if you need therapy, you need a sex therapist just a little, but you need a relationship councilor a lot. And early that is.

[kellbell]

Hi Vert!

 

I just read your post from yesterday and I have a few theories on what can be going on.

 

 

 

"I kind of wish I didn't know all of the stuff she told me about her past, but she wanted to be open and real to me. It really made my expectations jump of what sex would be like with her based on the stories she told me."

 

"my wife tends to get annoyed very easily, and she can quickly lose interest in whatever she's doing at the time. Her stress level can go through the roof in no time flat, but a lot of that comes from her past."

 

"After two times of having sex, she suddenly got a bit upset and thought that perhaps I didn't want her or she was doing something wrong (I couldn't get an erection within a few minutes after the second time so by her estimation I didn't want her)"

 

"I could tell that her interest level had dropped precipitously, but that it was more of an inner conflict going on with her."

 

"We got home and had to deal with the added stress of moving her in to my apartment, organizing everything, installing more storage shelving, etc. Believe me, it's quite an ordeal and I should have been the one to move because I have less stuff. Anyway, I'd come home from work and she'd be extremely stressed and a bit angry over having to do so much moving and organizing (she's taking the month off)."

 

"We'd have sex here and there, but often I could tell she just didn't care or wasn't interested. There would be times of when we'd have incredible sex (she'd cum multiple times) and times of when she'd say to me "I just want you to cum, baby" while having a very "off in the distance" look on her face. After a week she admitted to me that she just "doesn't desire me like she thought she would" but that she loves me dearly. I don't doubt her love, but after many talks about why she feels this way (and many, many tears on her part) I am more confused than ever."

 

"he was better" is heart breaking."

 

"She said that even when I finger her it just feels like those nerve endings are "dead" to her because there's just no arousal. Sex apparently "feels good" but its a very "ho hum" type of good to her."

 

Perhaps all the things I highlighted can be having an effect on your intimacy with you wife. There is much stress going on and your wife has admitted some things that have hurt you. I believe this more of a mental issue rather than a physical one. I could be wrong though. Perhaps a sex therapist can help you both out since both of you are willing to work on this together.

[Jonboy582]

If you are really worried you can get condoms from Durex that contain benzocaine (or something like that) this slightly desensitizes the penis allowing you to last longer. You also can get special lubricants you can use on the inside of condoms (not outside or you desensitize the woman) this works identically, just be sure not to use too much or you cannot hold an erection.

 

Hope that wassome help

 

Jon

 

p.s. I will try and link you to some of these condoms

 

EDIT: They are called "Durex Performa Condoms"

[nottoogreen]

If you are really worried you can get condoms from Durex that contain benzocaine (or something like that) this slightly desensitizes the penis allowing you to last longer. You also can get special lubricants you can use on the inside of condoms (not outside or you desensitize the woman) this works identically, just be sure not to use too much or you cannot hold an erection.

 

Hope that wassome help

 

Jon

 

p.s. I will try and link you to some of these condoms

 

EDIT: They are called "Durex Performa Condoms"

 

Neat, I add that to my list of suggestions.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hi Vert

 

I'm looking at this from a completely different angle, (pun intended).

 

All but one of my exes, have been able to come everytime with me, within maybe 2 minutes or so at maximum. I've had some that could barely get inside before they were done. I like that A LOT. It turns me on quite a bit. If It had taken them 20-25 minutes to reach orgasm with me, I might think they weren't very turned on by me (or just weren't turned on by sex in general), and I would in reponse feel turned off. Personally I love it when men come quickly.

 

And to be absolutley honest, It doesn't make me reach orgasm any 'better' if a man pumps in and out of my vagina all day long. The nerve endings that give me the type of pleasure necessary for me to achieve orgasm are located in my clit; not inside my vagina. He might as well hump my leg for 25 minutes. It still won't make me have an orgasm.

 

The best lover I ever had, brought me *all the way* to and through orgasm every time by stimulating my clit one way or another. Only after he had brought me to orgasm, did he enter my vagina with his penis, and it didn't take him long at all This made it even more exciting, because he was wide awake and quite motivated to stimulate me, which I have found is not the case with men who have already achieved orgasm for themselves.

 

I never once had to ask him to do this. He insisted. And is it any wonder that I looked forward to having sex with him, and that we did it so often, and that I enjoyed it so much? No. Is it any wonder that I loved him so much? No.

[Cardinal]

teddybear,

 

How long a man lasts and whether or not he can easily hold or achieve an erection is often not corrolated with how turned-on he is. I choose to last a long time specifically so I can please my girl as long as she would ever want or need. The men you have been with that came in 2 minutes or so simply don't know how to control themselves (or don't want to).

 

I realize your situation is quite different from most women's reaction. Women usually don't want to men to come so fast. I am not sure I completely understand your point. Many if not most men lose most of their libido/arousal right after they are done. So for many guys it is over for them then even if they continue to please their partner. As a man, my favorite thing to do is give oral/manual pleasure to my g/f. I could care less if I had an orgasm. BUT, I enjoy it a lot more if I have not already had an orgasm b/c libido is so much higher. I can drive her nuts and attack the whole situation with that much more passion.

 

Also, I enjoy being able to use what I have for at least 20-30 minutes when sex does start. Men usually don't want it to be over quickly. Lasting a long time for me has little to do with bragging rights and everything to do with enjoying sex because sex feels good to me (and most men) and we want to experience it for a long time. Every thrust, from soft and gentle to hard, deep and fast, is wonderful for us. Sure five good solid thrusts are nice, but 20-30 minutes of doing that are that much better.

 

It is just plain more versatile for a man to last longer. There are always physical techniques that a woman can use to make a man lose control if she wants him to do so. Both men and women know that.

[nottoogreen]

What do you think of this?

 

 

And I am sure RayKay will have to add a comment or two

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

what did you mean when you said this to Inthemirror?:

 

OK, real orgasms are hard your age but you both want to try. The best way is for him to please you orally, and it will take him many times and many hours to get you off...

 

 

Does it take you that long to get girls off? Or did she say it took her that long to get off? Sorry-I'm just trying to understand I guess.

 

Which part of the thread did you want me to comment on, specifically?

[nottoogreen]

what did you mean when you said this to Inthemirror?:

 

Does it take you that long to get girls off? Or did she say it took her that long to get off? Sorry-I'm just trying to understand I guess.

 

Which part of the thread did you want me to comment on, specifically?

 

To understand the thread, it is better to read it from the beginning.

 

I am specifically referring to this post:

 

This post is about 6 ways to orgasm. You have only experienced 1) and

I like to point out the opportunity to the others making your experience complete.

 

Female posters here are better qualified to say how long it took for them.

 

The posters in the original thread had no experience, it will take them a long time.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

This post is about 6 ways to orgasm. You have only experienced 1) and

I like to point out the opportunity to the others making your experience complete.

 

 

Oh, I'm good! My sex life thus far (er, and currently ) is quite satisfying but thanks anyway.

 

Let me know though if you need any pointers!

[nottoogreen]

what did you mean when you said this to Inthemirror?:

 

what did you mean when you said this to Inthemirror?:

 

"Quote:

 

OK, real orgasms are hard your age but you both want to try. The best way is for him to please you orally, and it will take him many times and many hours to get you off..."

 

Does it take you that long to get girls off? Or did she say it took her that long to get off? Sorry-I'm just trying to understand I guess.

 

...

 

Sorry the double quoting got lost.

 

A young woman takes time to relax, to understand her body, her feelings. Men just like to stick it in and get it over with. So I emphasized that he should use his tongue and focus on her feelings with particular awareness that most young men are too quick.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Gawd, when I was younger, (oops and actually still now!), it never took me that long to get good! It's mostly been a pleasant thing for me. But I agree with you that if a woman is particularly hard to get off (hours?), then he should be patient hopefully things will improve. I guess I'm maybe just lucky I've never really had trouble in that arena. If I were a guy though I don't think I'd be willing to lick for hours every time. I'd probably just move on.

[nottoogreen]

Gawd, when I was younger, (oops and actually still now!), it never took me that long to get good! It's mostly been a pleasant thing for me. But I agree with you that if a woman is particularly hard to get off (hours?), then he should be patient hopefully things will improve. I guess I'm maybe just lucky I've never really had trouble in that arena. If I were a guy though I don't think I'd be willing to lick for hours every time. I'd probably just move on.

 

It is not every time, it is the first time to learn and it gets easier with experience and age.

 

We take average 30-45min a day. If we miss each other and hurry 5 min including shower will do.

 

Not a big deal, we have no TV.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Not a big deal, we have no TV.

 

Hey that's cool! At least youall are having fun right?! Everyone is so individual and it's really about finding compatability isn't it? And sounds like ya'll are having fun so go on!

[Vert]

Hey everyone,

Thanks much for the advice and info. I think I need to add the fact that prior to our first penetration on our wedding night we were having oral sex regularly. It would take a while for her to get me to cum, and I would routinely return the favor and she would cum hard and love it. She'd often tell me that her ex would never do that for her and until I came along she'd never been eaten out. She was so excited to have that aspect in her sex life in marriage, but something took a turn for the worst after she'd had vaginal sex again. Let me explain...

 

After my wife would cum from oral sex (prior to our wedding day) she would get hyper sensitive and if I continued she would squirt some liquid out. Now, she said it had nothing to do with her orgasm and felt more like she was peeing, but I still don't know (it was bitter in taste, and not very much came out). Anyway, now she'll be hyper sensitive any time I try to eat her out and won't let me do it for more than 2 minutes before she has that "pee" feeling again. She says it's not pleasurable at all and just "feels too weird" and will not reach orgasm that way. I don't understand what happened... Why after being penetrated did this happen? She also gets turned off if I play with her clit too much manually as it bothers her... She can come by riding me though so all is not lost just yet...

 

Let me also add a small update -- I bought some condoms and was able to go for over 10 minutes the first time even though I was highly excited. It does bother me because my wife has started making small jokes about it and says "if we can't laugh about it at least...." Now, my wife is not a mean person by any means, but I know it bothers her. I am thinking of seeing a sex therapist with my wife, but I'm more curious about her hyper-sensitivity... Any comments?

[nottoogreen]

I am thinking of seeing a sex therapist with my wife, but I'm more curious about her hyper-sensitivity... Any comments?

 

No need. It will be much nicer if you resolve it by yourself.

 

Clitoral orgasms are good but not "complete". Guess after you added vaginal sex, she had more stimulation and is getting closer to a "real" orgasm. She is tensing because she worries to pee and can not orgasm at all. Over stimulation no use! She should relax and not worry about whether she pees. And if she does (like last time) do not worry and please don't be mad. Urine is sterile.

 

My opinion in general: , also look at the whole thread.

 

Other girls here could explain it better.

[Jonboy582]

Your wife is "squirting", thats many mens fantasy, and not many women can do it, and if they can not all men are good enough to enduce it. Don't worry about it, if she does not like it then well you can give it a miss,because form the sounds of it wasnt most pleasurable time for both of you. You got a bitter taste and she felt uncomfortable.

 

Ohh btw if you are unsure about what I mean by squirting, take safe seach off google then type it in (Adult Content btw)

[Vert]

Well, I'm not afraid of urine or anything like that if this is what is coming out, but I always thought "squirting" was done during orgasm or slightly prior to it? Also, she said that she can't built to orgasm at all because of the hyper-sensitive nature of the urination feeling and that it's "not pleasurable". Yes, I will admit that my wife is a bit squeemish when it comes to sexual fluids (she hates cum and thinks it's disgusting... she also can't stand the smell or taste of herself on my face so I have to wash up before kissing her after I went downstairs), but what would cause her to go from intense oral orgasm prior to vaginal sex to this hypersensitive pee feeling afterwards?

 

I guess I should also caviat this with the fact that she can let me eat her out for a minute or two before this sensation comes on and she wants to kick me off. It's almost like it builds to this, but it's not the orgasm or sensation that she's used to.

[nottoogreen]

Your wife is "squirting", thats many mens fantasy, and not many women can do it, and if they can not all men are good enough to enduce it. Don't worry about it, if she does not like it then well you can give it a miss,because form the sounds of it wasnt most pleasurable time for both of you. You got a bitter taste and she felt uncomfortable.

 

Ohh btw if you are unsure about what I mean by squirting, take safe seach off google then type it in (Adult Content btw)

 

The squirting part is a myth as there is no physical means to squirt (and no purpose). Here is some erronous info link removed.

 

Whenever a woman experiences a g-spot orgasm, she discharges several cc of of milky/creamy liquid which is used to influence sperm traveling toward the uterus/ovaries. Acidic>girl. Alcaline>Boy.

 

I taste this often during oral sex or when cleaning her up after intercourse (mixed with my own). slightlybent: I don't spill ...

 

She also may release small amounts of pee, but not often. This may also be related to the fullness of the bladder but I am not sure.

 

As to movie performances, I have observed women being able to open water bootles, smoke cigarettes, shoot baloons and clamp ones member rather well by way of PC muscle exercise. Shooting liquid from the vagina for the movie would be no problem.

[nottoogreen]

Have you read my post? She is learning to have a real orgasm and should relax. Women have this feeling. She should not worry and let pee go, she unlikely to pee and if so only a little - she should have empty bladder.

 

Can you try penetrate her rear entry, her lying flat on tummy, slowly and gently and see if she is better?

 

Her orgasm will be mind blowing...

[Vert]

Have you read my post? She is learning to have a real orgasm and should relax. Women have this feeling. She should not worry and let pee go, she unlikely to pee and if so only a little - she should have empty bladder.

 

Can you try penetrate her rear entry, her lying flat on tummy, slowly and gently and see if she is better?

 

Her orgasm will be mind blowing...

 

Are you talking about anal or just entering her vagina while she lies flat on the bed? If it's the latter, then yes I've done that and she likes it a lot.

 

What does that have to do with her oral sensitivity though?

[nottoogreen]

Are you talking about anal or just entering her vagina while she lies flat on the bed? If it's the latter, then yes I've done that and she likes it a lot.

I did not refer to anal. Anal is not much use to woman and causes homorhoids. You can tease her rosebud though, she'll like that.

 

Please continue that and try to get her through that pee-feeling.

What does that have to do with her oral sensitivity though?

Sensitivity depends on her arousal. After vaginal experienced she is easier aroused and she does not understand her stronger feelings and tenses. Leave her clit alone for now.

 

After real orgasm, she will be very tired almost unable to move. You observed this?

 

Please explain to her she should relax and not worry about peeing. She won't and if only a little. Bladder empty better anyway.

 

Takes time, trial and error, sorry.

 

Have fun together

 

Girls here please make suggestions too..

[NoComply]

when im not going to last a long time [happens to everyone sometimes] i just dont tell my gf that ive came, and comtinue with the sex. it soon gets hard again.

 

i remember the first time we properly had sex, and she asked if we could stop as she was tired out, so i said yes. but she said she didnt want to cos i hadnt orgasm'd yet, so i said i had, and was close to doing it again, and she just gave a huge sigh of relief, it was kinda amusing.

turned out we both had orgasm'd, and were still going because we thoughht the other hadnt.

so we stopped.

heh.

 

yeh theres my random little story.

[Vert]

when im not going to last a long time [happens to everyone sometimes] i just dont tell my gf that ive came, and comtinue with the sex. it soon gets hard again.

 

i remember the first time we properly had sex, and she asked if we could stop as she was tired out, so i said yes. but she said she didnt want to cos i hadnt orgasm'd yet, so i said i had, and was close to doing it again, and she just gave a huge sigh of relief, it was kinda amusing.

turned out we both had orgasm'd, and were still going because we thoughht the other hadnt.

so we stopped.

heh.

 

yeh theres my random little story.

 

Haha nice .

 

I've already tried that though and she got upset thinking that my orgasm wasn't pleasurable.... Also, I do tend to get a little softer after that although with continuous pumping it does return to me... One last thing you might forget is the cum. For me it's usually quite a lot and can make things REALLY sloppy in a hurry if I don't pull out afterwards.