Help!!

[finsjm]

It has been 2 1/2 days of NC - and I am flipping out!! I know it's the right thing to do as I have said many times, but I miss him so much!! I don't understand what happened but I know that space is what he needs. I'm just so scared and confused!!

[princessdi75]

I just want to say 'calm down'. things have a way of working themselves out, and even though I don't know your story, I can assure you that only time will be able to help you resolve your issues. Just calm down, relax, and focus on something else. freaking out will only cause you to do something you'll later regret.

[finsjm]

Thank you! In my rational mind I know this - I am having a FREAKED out moment. My story VERY QUICK - he proposed to me the night before I flew out to meet him in CA (where he lives) He changed when I got there and we fought most of the time. It stressed us both out SO MUCH and he started to pull away. When I came back he gave me the 'I don't know what I want' line - so I pushed and we broke up. I don't regret it - he needs SPACE and you can't miss someone if you know they're still there. I only hope he realizes he made a mistake and comes back, he was truly my best friend and I believe my soul mate!

[princessdi75]

You have to be strong and not contact him. That's my biggest fault. When me and my boyfriend fight I have to "talk" I can't just drop things like he can. My boyfriend was in a bad mood last night and was pretty much inconsiderate to me...but i tried not to take it too personal because he's stressed from work...so lately i have been trying to give him space and it's really hard for me to not call him just to say hello. I know i shouldn't be nice to him when he was a jerk to me, but I don't know how else to support him. You need to just get your mind off him and wait for him to come to you. When he finally does come around you'll have to listen to what he has to say and be prepared for anything.

[finsjm]

Yeah - it is real tough. I hope he does come around - I can't imagine such a huge shift in feelings like that!

 

I know - when we fought I did the same thing and he said the emotions were pushing him away. It's tough because as females - that's what we're best at!! lol Good luck

 

I just want him back so bad!! It all happened so quick! I'll be strong!!!!

[princessdi75]

Good, I hope you make it through this. I wish you the best of luck!!

[finsjm]

Thanks - and thanks for all your kind words!!

[rnorth]

That whole "push and pull" thing is the key. If you feel like he was pulling away, in order to attract him back, you also need to pull away.

 

I would say, give yourself a month at least where you do not initiate any contact. He may or may not contact you during this time. But I guarantee, he will miss your contact! It will be hard on you but look at this as an opportunity to work on yourself; exercise more, eat right, find a new hobby or cultivate an old one you left behind, practice your faith if that is a good thing.... etc.

 

Then when you are feeling strong (after a month or so) you can initiate contact for some light banter. Also, the next time you both talk, cut the conversation short on a high note.... the Jerry Springfield adage applies here! If the conversation is going nowhere, don't stay on the phone creating empty space. You want to remind him of why he fell for you in the first place.....

 

Sorry, this was longer than I expected. I am going through my own situation and have decided to apply the above strategy. I don't even know if after a month, I will be inclined to call my girlfriend but right now I no that I miss her and would not be a position of strength....

 

Good luck!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Put on the radio!

 

Listen to some really sad songs and have a good cry, go out and get a mocha or a chocolate bar and take a DEEP BREATH.

 

Sorry its tough right now...

[finsjm]

Thanks for the comments!! I agree on the push and pull!! And why is it always a month!! lol That seems to be the magic number for people getting back together! Coincidentally he is coming back home to CT in a month, and he has something of mine - who knows!!

[rnorth]

"Coincidentally he is coming back home to CT in a month, and he has something of mine - who knows!!

 

I just put a month out there because that is an arbitrary amount of time for you to get your feet under you again and feel strong for yourself.

 

Ask yourself this question: Do you desire or need your boyfriend? If you desire him, that is healthy and natural. To feel you need someone is co-dependency and a natural reaction for the dumpee. But you shouldn't need anyone except if you are a faithful person and you put your faith into a higher power. A month just gives you the time to get yourself strong and feeling good about yourself. It may not be long enough, but if you really apply yourself to that month; exercising, having fun, learning about what a healthy balanced relationship should be, etc. then you will be so much more attractive to him next time he sees you.

[finsjm]

oh no I agree. I do not need him. But he lives in CA and I am in CT, so the fact that he is coming home is big. After that - who knows when he'll be back.