well i made the step

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

Told hubby tonight that unless things change dramatically soon its over. I can't keep living like this. He said he will try and improve on showing me some affection etc. But thats what he said 6 months ago and it hasnt changed.

 

Don't know if I should feel relieved that I told him, sad that it has come to this point or what.

[Skippy]

you should feel happy that you are able to make a stand and know what yo need in your life.

Change never happens if the other partner does know what you NEED.

As for showing you affection, he needs encouragement. Maybe he want to just to lazy or dont know how to. So you must show him what you need in terms of affection.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

We have been married 16 yrs next month. He knows everything he just acts so distance all the time. Spends no time doing anything with me, hes to tired, or sore or what ever excuse he comes up with.

[Beyondthesea]

Unfortunately now that you've issued the ultimatdum you need to go through with it.

 

If things haven't changed, remind him. If they haven't within a few months, it's over.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I plan to go through with it. I am past fed up.

[dazedandconfusedbydestiny]

I just would like to know, why my heart aches so bad. I know it's over.

I know from the way he reacted about our son that it will just fester and fester and he wont ever forget or forgive me.

Just like any other mistake I have made in our marriage, hes going to let it fester til he explodes and I won't be around for him to use his fist or what ever else he wants to.

I should feel glad, that I have finally come out and told him our marriage is over unless things change. But I know in my heart it won't change.

 

Good bye to 16 yrs of marriage.

[HardShowingAffection]

dazedandconfusedbydestiny, it takes alot of courage to finally reach the point where you are able to give the ultimatum. Hopefully you will remain strong.

 

While I see that your husband needs to improve on needs of yours that are not being met, I wonder how you are willing to work with him in achieving this. If he is willing to work, he just might not know exactly what he needs to do to meet those needs, or is trying, but not doing what you need. Do you think if you guys worked together actively, it could salvage this relationship?

 

Would you two be willing to put a process in place that would bring you two closer together? If you have read any of my previous posts, you will see that I have become a big advocate of reading and learning about how my actions contribute to the postive and negative trends in a relationship. If you two are willing to work together, try reading:

 

"Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw

 

It was an awesome book that opened my eyes to a lot of things. Especially if you have a partner who is willing to work with you. 16 years is alot of time. A couple hours of reading and a few weeks of these exercises could change your life... and in my mind... I think it is a no-brainer... worth the effort.