Is it possible to change myself?

[Blured]

When I was younger, I was an outgoing happy girl. When we moved to the country away from my friends, the other kids picked on me at school (Gosh, I have a cliched story ) my self esteem and confidence vanished, and I got clinical depression. I feel totally uncomfortable in social situations, and the worst thing is, I barely enjoy spending any time with my friends anymore, as much as i love them, it feels almost like a chore. I was never, ever like this.

Anyway, this is my final year in secondary school (I'm 16) and I'm moving onto a 6th form college to take A Levels. I've heard of shy, introverted people changing over summer, is it really possible? I'm sick of being shy, and I feel like I'm wasting my youth.

 

Any advice at all would be great.

[Proactive Paradigm]

You should see someone about it, a doctor, a support group, counsellor, whatever is available locally. Even if you have reservations about such a procedure, you need to realise that without taking some definitive action to give these problems the shove, they will persist, and yeah, they will worsen.

 

A lot of what you say is paralleled in my life right now; my youth was completely wasted, I am an introverted guy (not entirely by choice), I'm starting to avoid my few friends, and I battle with depresson every day. I feel like my problems have snowballed because I did not start working on them long ago (though to be fair, I didn't know some of them existed until a few years back). You really, really don't wanna go where I am headed.

 

Though it doesn't sound right to me either, you are 'lucky' in that you realise these problems now at a pretty young age, and you have the chance to do something about it.

 

As you weren't always like this, there's a good chance it's something that can be beaten. I wish you luck on that.

[sir sirloin]

You probably study a lot and that is good. I don't know what kind of school you go to but you can always join a club. When I was in high school the theater was a great place and they were always very open and accepting of new people.

[Blured]

I can't join anything right now, I'm inbetween schools. I have seeked help - I'm on medication and have gone through regular therapy since I was younger (My brother has autism and my mother has depression, so my church offered me councilling for years) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but nothing seems to work.

Even if I could join a club, the idea terrifies me of meeting people I don't know. I feel like I'm trapped.

[shyniceguy]

i'm shy too so i know what yoyu mean. i have vry few friends, and it always feels like they don't want to hang out with me, so i have low self esteem alot. but i became good friends with my chemistry teacher. we like hang out now and stuff. you should try to make friends with older people. she helps me come out of my shell and express who i really am.

[AwdreeHpburn]

practice, practice, practice.

 

Put yourself out there. Even in classroom situations. You can practice by raising you hand or however one gets the teacher's attention, and ask questions in front of the whole class.

 

Participate in group discussions. Go up to people you've never met before and ask a question, directions, homework assignments etc. Force yourself outside your comfort zone.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh baby, how I changed!

 

Two summers ago, I went from being a girl who had not been out socially since she was 12, to a 16 year old who wanted It All, And ALL the time. I wanted lots of friends. I wanted to be out all the time. I wanted to dress "hot". I wanted to drink. I wanted to drug. I wanted to be "louder". I wanted boys..and girls..and travels with my friends, the works. I wanted, after a quiet childhood, what I perceived everyone else to have.

 

I got it.

 

I also got a number of other things, such as unpleasant memories, dangerous situations, psychological scars, two breakdowns, trips to hospitals...just be careful. THINK about your changes.

 

I was so horrifically naive. Necessary for this cynical figure you see before you now...

[sir sirloin]

The thing about shyness is that once you realize there are NO advantages to it and MANY disadvantages then it becomes easier to force yourself to push past it.

 

Depending on what country you are in (as in if you are of age or not) having a couple of drinks might also help.

[Blured]

I guess, I'm just going to go to a few friend's partys and such. Not so much of the drink though, I just fall asleep/+giggle too much.

[Cute Band Rat]

Blured, rather than be unhappy with how you are...embrace it. There are a LOT of "outgoing" people in the world who are also loud, obnoxious, need to be the center of attention.....being introverted has it's GOOD qualities. I am more in the "middle" Sometimes I'm introverted and sometimes I'm extroverted. Depends on the situation. Rather than try changing who you really ARE, embrace your wonderful qualities. I bet you are a great listener. That is an awesome quality. Also.....maybe you could focus on being "adaptable" to situations..rather than trying to change altogether. It takes practice but it's doable.

[_Tiki_]

Hi Blured,

 

Yes you can change yourself, but you should take baby steps and not try to change yourself completely otherwise you can become frustrated if you don't become the person you want over summer and that can make you feel more depressed. As well as going for counseling you could try a few self help books on self esteem.

 

No one in this world is perfect and each one of us is unique there must be qualitys that you have that someone else would love to have. You need to love/accept yourself for who you are. Do whatever makes you happy and just do whatever makes you feel special.

 

Why don't you try doing something you really like over summer? Is there any hobbies or sports you would like to try?

 

I've been through all the shyness and depression and I have come along way since I was your age and I know that you can too!! Don't be too hard on yourself. You're a great person so don't let others get you down.

 

Are you suffering from stress? because that can make you feel low and shy too.

 

There is nothing wrong with you as a person Just remember that.