how do i not let THEM diminish me?

[teacup]

been thinking about this lately. how do i not let the THEMs diminish who i am as a person? how do i not let them diminish my selfworth, my sense of self, my worthiness as a person? how do i not let it affect my selfesteem, selfrespect, my pride, my dignity, my value as a person, an individual, a human being? my past, my present, my future, my life.

 

this is a question i am struggling with.

 

by THEM. i refer to those that came before and who may come again. the abusers who treated me like garbage. the men who used me for sex or sexually and trashed me like a banana peel. (this one is very very difficult for me because it makes me feel really worthless and stupid i feel physically ill and want to throw up everytime i think of it.).

 

the false friends who knifed my back. the fake best friends. the bullies who put me down. the bad coworkers. the vicious girls who ganged up on me. the people who called me loser. loner. * * * * *. nobody.

 

but deep inside, something small (a flickering candle) in me says...but i am somebody. a human being. im capable of being a winner. and i am a beautiful person at least in my heart. but yet......i struggle.

 

how to not let those who have come before and will come again, diminish me? i seem to carry the diminishment and worthlessness inside me now. (even without them around)

 

 

(by this post, i don't mean that i am going to let bad ppl in again. but if i should make a mistake in judging someone's character or even worse, run accross or bump into some of these past people......how am i going to deal? eeek!)

[BillyJean714]

Teacup,

 

You have that inner-confidence in you and you KNOW it. Maybe not currently, due to your situation, but you know you still have it in you. I can tell when I read your posts.

 

How do you not let THEMs get in the way? First of all, you can give them the finger and be like, "You know what? Screw you." Then go on with your merry life.

 

As for people who are nasty? You're ALWAYS going to find someone who isn't nice in life. Get used to it. But, you can also be nice to them. Just keep your distance.

[stolenshadow]

You will have to only listen to yourself. People can say you are ugly or whatever but you can ignore it, it's when you pay attention to their comments that your self esteem and your whole personality gets affected.

 

Let's say one day most people, your co-workers, your "friends", people walking pass you start calling you a lamp, yes, an electric one, if you are damn sure you are not a lamp you can just wonder why they call you that but you won't doubt you are a marvellous human being.

 

It's an extreme example, but I use it with myself, I wondered for a while how real my perception of myself was, and I think our opinion of who we are or what we are has to be the most important one.

Know yourself, believe in yourself and nobody else's opinion will damage you.

[Tigris]

If you see the people from the past walking down the street, hold your head up high and just walk straight past them. Think of yourself for being a better person than them because you haven't treated other people the way they have. You're a good person and they're not good enough to kiss your feet!

 

Just focus on having a better life. I know it's not easy but the more you do it the easier it gets.

 

I was bullied at school because I was overweight. Also, I was always on show at school because I was in the brass band, the orchestra and two choirs. I think some people were jealous because I was 'a goody two shoes' in their eyes and they were always in trouble and in front of the headmaster!

 

I never caused any trouble and to be honest I don't think I'd have been any good having a fist fight. I used to avoid trouble like 'the plague'. In my eyes that was a lot safer for me.

 

Unfortunately, one day the 'best fighter' in my school year decided it was my turn for hassle. She accused me of stealing a cheap necklace belonging to her because I'd collected the items in for the teacher when it was gym class.

 

When the lesson was over the teacher handed the bag to someone else to give the items back out. I saw her get the necklace. She came up to me with some of her followers and accused me of stealing it and wanted money off me. I said, 'I saw you get it out of the valuables bag!' She told me not to speak to her like that and walked away.

 

Everyday I kept my eyes open for her just in case she was still after me. It seemed to go on for weeks! One day I forgot and the next thing I knew she was in front of me with her 'side kicks' again. I thought I was standing in a bad place because I was around the side of a building with a small wall behind me (a big drop because there were stairs leading down to the basement). I resigned myself to getting a good beating, however, I also thought that if she's going to do it I'm going to fight back the best I can! She gave me some verbal diahorea and accused me again. I stood my ground and said I didn't take it and she wasn't getting any money. I just kept calm when I spoke. The next thing I knew was she walked away.

 

I was standing there wondering what on earth had happened? There was at least 3 possibly 4 of them. It didn't make sense? It wasn't until years later that I realised it was because I didn't appear frightened and I kept my voice calm.

 

I was never threatened by anyone in the school ever again. I presume word got around that I stood up to her.

 

Please don't let them put you down. They've already ruined your life in the past, don't let them continue to do so in the future. We only have one life to live so we should use it how WE want to.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself.

[BillyJean714]

I enjoyed your story Tigris!

 

I had an encounter like that in the past before. In way, I can relate to Teacup with the things she's been through.

 

Some people just don't have a life so they feel the need to sit around, gossip, backstab and bully. I always see those people as worthless garbage (a nicer version of what I really want to say).

 

I had backstabbing friends in the past.

 

Some people just never grow up past high school. Sad. The world has so much more to offer. What's really important is to focus on what you need to do in your life. There will always be haters. I don't know why. Sometimes I just wanna say, "Get a life." Just feel sorry for them..

[Blured]

Your post really moved me. I guess you already know how, just cling onto that scrap of hope and self worth you have left.

People didn't hurt you because you deserved it, or because there is anything wrong with you. THEY are the sick, twisted, 'freaks'. THEM. Not you, you were just unlucky enough to fall into their path.