Itching to come out

[northernlights]

Hey everyone! I posted about a month ago that I thought I might be bisexual. Thanks to your advice, along with the help of the GLBTF peer resource at my school, I've realized that I really am bisexual and that I'm totally okay with that. At the same time, I've never even kissed another woman though. (But I have definitely crushed on them)

 

Now that I've come to terms with myself, I feel this painful itch to tell someone else. Someone who really knows me! A few people from my school's q ueer community know, but none of my close friends are part of that group and I really need to tell at least one friend!

 

I just don't know how to do it though. I read advice from an earlier post that coming out is only as big an issue as you make it, but I feel like I have a particularly difficult group of friends to deal with. One of them, my close one, is incredibly conservative and doesn't even believe that gay people are really gay. She just believes they've been corrupted by modern society, or some other BS. She's a nice girl though, when you aren't discussing q ueer issues, and she's not the type to disown a friend for being gay. But she would probably never believe that I was truly bi and would think that it's all because of influence from society. (She is against gay marriage because she believes it encourages people to be gay. Yuck, I know.)

 

But aside from this conservative friend, I am only really close to one other girl. She has continuously mentioned that she would be okay if her friends were gay, so I would probably start with her, but I just don't know whether it's really worth the effort. Is it worth all the nervousness, all the worries, to let my friends know I like women too? Deep down, I want them all to know and accept that I'm bi, but I don't want to deal with the doubts they may have and the awkwardness of coming out. And eventually, I'm going to have to tell my less close friends too...and not all of them seem very friendly towards gay people. I still love them as friends though, but I'm afraid they will look at me differently.

 

Most of all, I'm afraid my friends will start to worry that I will become attracted to them. I know a few of my friends have talked to me about how they think a girl at our school may like them (my school is all female, and has a huge lesbian population), and about how "icky" that makes them feel. From what they've told me though, I've always thought that they were reading into things. I've never thought that the girls they talk about have actually liked them, but some of my friends assume that if a gay girl talks to them or spends time with them, she is hitting on them. And I don't want them to stop spending time with me or to start feeling weird around me because they think I might like them, especially because I would never, EVER fall for any of them.

 

But really, back to my original question...is it worth it to come out to friends, if some of them may be initially disgusted, very confused, and even fearful of me crushing on them?

[itsallgrand]

Hi. That's a tough one! I don't have any hard advice for you, but I certainly sympathize. There are so many factors to consider.

 

Ultimately, it is what you are comfortable living with. The thought crossed my mind: is this something that your friends could/would find about eventually anyways? I mean, if you decide to date a woman or to be more open to the possibility, would that aspect of your life cross-over to your friendship with these more conservative folk? Since you are at the same school and all?

If so, I personally would rather tell myself than have them find out another way.

 

All girls school with a large lesbian population!! How cool is that for you! When I came out (it wasn't an big out, bc i sort of always knew of my bisexuality), anyways when I officially started saying it and expressing it freely: I was in a small conservative town. Some of my friends were more accepting than others, and I confided in those first. They weren't very surprised. lol. Other less-close friends I did not say anything directly to them about it. I just went about my life, and they got the idea. Some were not comfortable with that reality (some homophobes etc) , but the majority didn't make a fuss. We just didn't talk about it. Which was fine with me.

 

All I can say is: I'm glad you feel comfy and secure with who you are. That helps tremendously. It was a big relief when I actually spoke it to a close friend, and it went better than I had imagined it would. If you do choose to do it, good luck.

[The Evil Stig]

1.Get a girlfriend

2.??????

3.Profit!

 

Wait...

 

What I mean is, just get a girlfriend and walk into a room when your friend is there holding hands and kissing and such. Then have your girl leave and when your friend picks her eyeballs off the floor, tell her.

 

Just say "Oh BTW, I'm bi now, in case you were wondering."

 

No big deal that way.

 

Ok, maybe that's not the best way, but its the funniest, and not the meanest. The meanest would be coming on to your friends and freaking them out, but they may not ever speak to you again.