How Young is Too Young?

[fantasia2004]

I am confused right now as in what to do.

 

I am a 34 years old female. I am somewhat attracted to a young man who is 22 years old.

 

He is quite attracted to me for some strange reason.

 

I am so aroused by him wanting to touch me as in feeling my buttocks and after he tells me he is admiring my womanly features.

 

Under no circumstances am I THINKING ABOUT sleeping with this young man. I wonder if I am like a woman who is robbing the cradle for wanting him in fantasy type of way to touch me sexually.

 

When we hug each other, it feels so good and warm to hold him that I just wish I could allow him to throw me onto a table and let me have him.

 

The sad thing is, is that he keeps comparing me to his current girlfriend who I think is a very smart beautiful girl. Not intentionally though.

I try to convince him that his girlfriend is good enough for him right now but for some reason he feels the chemistry is not there. But only if I ask if he is happy and has he been able to sleep with her yet.

 

He says no and because he feels that they see each other only as friends and nothing more. He also explained that they are so busy with other projects that they can't even make time for each other to be a real couple.

 

Is he fascinated by me because I am a older woman or is he just sexually starved deprived or is he really feeling emotionally drawn to me?

 

I am so confused.

I am sexually starved and yet I feel guilty for feeling this way.

 

I know this post makes no sense but I am desperate for answers on what to do.

 

I don't want to rob the cradle but yet I wish he could satisfy my urges besides me wanting to use a vibrator and a can of pepsi to cool down the houndog in me.

[teacup]

"He says no and because they see each other only as friends and nothing more plus their personal lives are so busy that he can't even make time for each other makes me wonder. "

 

- he is lying to you right here. an excuse. i bet he hugs his gf and has sex with her and tells her he loves her so much. and then he comes to you and tells you that they are friends.

[fantasia2004]

But if the story was true, would it be wrong to want to have a relationship with someone that young or is it wrong?

 

morally wrong?

 

just curious

[teacup]

morally wrong or not.....hmmm.

 

well, this really depends on your own morals. since you are asking, i sense you feel something is wrong with this. i think sometimes it is better to feel the feeling but to not act upon it.

 

i am 26 old. i find men who are 22 to be very immature, i think they are attracted to the challenge of getting an older woman...to think they have such skill that they are able to attract someone who has more experience. but i don't think a 22 yr old would be serious about having a long-term relationship.

 

in terms of age, maturity, similar interests, experience, friends, and different levels in life, i would find it very discomforting. the only common ground that might work is just sex...plus u might always feel the age factor....

 

i have been on the other side of the fence, when i was 25, i dated a 36 yr old. it was the worst experience ever, makes me throw up to think about it.

 

strictly speaking, if it was consensual on both sides, i don't think it would be morally wrong. (though sometimes u might feel u can take advantage of him) but he does have a gf and told you a lie. now that is wrong.

[Arrowsmith]

i have been on the other side of the fence, when i was 25, i dated a 36 yr old. it was the worst experience ever, makes me throw up to think about it.

 

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I'm 35 (almost 36) and my gf is 25. The same age gap that you had. Teacup, what made your relationship so painful? Was it related to the age gap?

[teacup]

it was painful because he was a creep who purposely deceived me and exploited me knowing i was more innocent and did not have much dating experience. the age gap was a little disturbing but i didn't notice it that much because he didn't act 36. in fact he reminded me of a pouty little boy. and he had a lot of issues. ugh. it was more to due with him than the age gap.

 

but it was awfully boring when he didnt want to do anything but play computer games drink beer, and listen to 80's music. i thought he was stuck in the past, like during the 80's of his teenage youth in terms of the bad music, and interests. he was so old, moldy and boring. i kept wondering if he would turn into a shriveled wrinkly raisin without teeth the next time i saw him. alas, he only bored me silly. like how he didnt want to go out, didnt want to go to clubs, had friends all in their mid to late 30's, his job was going nowhere.

 

an age gap can work....it really depends on the persons and factors involved. that's not always a guarantee, but it certainly helps. in ur case, since u are asking questions, it shows interest on ur part to help ur own relationship, and that is always a plus in the face of an age gap.

[btbt]

I don't think it is morally (or legally) wrong; he is of age after all. But true enough, there are a lot of social taboos, esp. if the older person is a woman. You should ask yourself if you really want a relationship with him. You say that you both have a strong sexual attraction, but are you as deeply attracted to each other in terms of personality and life goals? Is the attraction deep enough to get over the potential obstacles you might face because people around you, including your family, might think that the relationshp is inappropriate? I personally think that you might lose interest in him over time. Unless he's incredibly mature for his age, you might get frustrated with vagaries of a 20-something year old person when you've already been there and done that.

[monkey1]

You asked if it was wrong to have a relationshp with someone that young? My boyfriend is 39 and i'm 24. Some people think it's wrong and others don't. Age gap relationships of course can work, just like any other relationship out there, age gap or not. Just depends on who it's with.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting involved with someone younger than you, but lie btbt said, are you just sexually attracted to him, or do you want something more? Both are quite different and of course it depends on what his intentions are also.

[Entomon]

I think your 22 year old stud is a dud in disguise. He's not in for the long run. Perhaps he's just infatuated at the thought of conquering an older woman that fuels his attraction for you. Most likely, men his age think they have the mental acuity to know what they want but they don't. I suggest you keep your distance to guard your heart.

 

But if your only interest in him is just sexual favors then by all means have sex with him. I don't know if the act would ride on your conscience knowing that he has a girlfriend but that's a consequence you as a 34 year old will have to deal with. No one can really stop you or would know if you slept with a 22 year old if you never told them. Whichever route you decide, just try to be a responsible adult.

[sidehop]

I was in that guy's position long ago so maybe I can relate to where you're coming from. I was about 23 & the woman was 35. I found her very attractive, mature, and felt comfortable being around her.

 

I think he finds you attractive in a very different way & honestly I can see yourself getting hurt, if you get emotionally attached to him & I only say that since he has his g/f to fall back on if anything bad happens.

 

I wouldn't completely say he's only wanting you for the sexual part but definitely the idea of him being with an older woman truly turns him on. This is just how I see it and how I felt. Maybe I'm more mature then my age & just find older woman attractive. Some disagree & thinks it's wrong but age is nothing but a number right? Especially we're talking two grown adults.

 

I think you two should sit down & talk about the whole issue before something happens between you too fast (which happened in my case) and/or put yourself in a very awkward situation or worst case scenario you get hurt at the end.

 

Besides he doesn't sound too serious about any particular relationship nor sounds like he's seeking one but who knows! There's definitely a different goal @ the age of 22 and someone who's older who may be looking to settle down & have a family...

[BillyJean714]

Wait a second..back it up a bit..

 

1. He has a gf?

2. He says they're not having sex because of x,y,z reasons? (Isn't that their business?)

 

I sense that this person is a CREEP that you need to stay away from, Fantasia. You're waay too GOOD for that! He's trying to cheat on his woman? Then he's telling you that he feels zero chemistry for her??

 

Stay far far away from HIM. Not a good prospect, in my opinion.

 

His age isn't as important when we factor in his actions/intentions: Pure creep in descise. Trust me - sure, he's appealing now..once you see his TRUE colors, you'll regret trusting a person like him so much. Anyone who has the guts to do what he does:

 

1. Physically flirt with with another person outside their relationship, prolonged physical contact, tight hugs- is a coward, in my opinion. (I doubt he'd ever lay his hands on you if his gf was in front of him).

 

2. Lies.

 

3. Talks about his relationship to a 3rd party with intent to suay, flirt, and/or cheat..

 

...isn't a decent human being, in my opinion. Sounds like a phony to me..In this situation, it's best to follow with your head, not heart.

[teacup]

yep. warning signs......