seeing my ex in a few days, tips please!

[joyce1412]

so an interesting event occurred yesterday. as i had previously mentioned, i sent a polite email to my ex asking him to exchange things with my friend rather than meet up with him to do it. last night i called my friend to confirm that she had gotten my stuff, and couldn't help but ask for a few details. she said he looked "horrid" and "deathly, even emotionally." that "he definitely didn't look too happy to be giving your stuff back." she said he was polite, but seemed depressed, downtrodden.

 

now, i know friends can exaggerate things to make you feel better--and to be honest, it DID make me feel better, in an ever so slightly haughty sense. even though i was "the dumped," i have been taking classes toward a second degree, going out, seeing friends every day, and making the best of things in general. i look good and, contrary to what i thought, feel okay, too. i was even able to very successfully have a great time with his friends at the party the other night--the party he clearly couldn't bring himself to attend (though that could be for a number of reasons). apparently he wasn't able to do the same with my friend. i've handled the breakup with grace, but i also acknowledged that my ex was probably going out and having the time of HIS life, free of attachments, et cetera. to know that the regret he MIGHT have was written on his face, and that he's not so gleeful as he probably wished is...admittedly...nice.

 

it was also nice to hear simply because it shows he has a soul, and might be almost as/as/even more sad than i am. because if he's sad, it means he's acknowledging that he lost a great girl. i think that i'm a loss worth mourning. and to know that he's a real person, and that i didn't waste a year and a half on a monster, is also nice.

 

now this isn't all sadism, i felt a pang of sympathy knowing that he was so "deathly" and all. but he wanted to rid himself of all his loyalties to me, to completely cut ties, so i don't think i'm out of line for feeling a lack of loyalty.

 

that's it, my friend apparently has more details to share later...i just felt like writing about it.

[blender]

Joyce, sounds like you are doing much better, you sound so much more "realistic" and yeah I know it's tough to hear about the ex looking or sounding "down" I too had sympathy/relief combinations of feelings about hearing my ex was "looking sad" but like you said, He made a "choice" and he has to live with it, and perhaps in time he will actually have the courage, class, and yes, loyalty to give you call and say...well, something. Until then, keep up no contact, and keep your dignity, class and values/standards up..

 

And remember that his "behavior" is not about YOU, it's all about HIM, and if this is how he handles things, it's a good thing you are now healing and trying to move on... take care of YOU and all will fall into place, better than you can even imagine.. best, Blender

[joyce1412]

thanks again for the encouragement! life is going well...i saw an old flame this weekend and it put a lot of things into perspective, not only about that relationship but my last one (the real heartbreaker) as well.

 

i even have a date tonight! who would have thought?