Gay obsessive love for a stratight guy

[manish64]

I am 38 years old happily married with one kid. I have always fantisised about guys but have never had a gay relationship. I have always been attracted to good looking guys. Got married to a normal girl and have been leading a very stratight family life. I work for a big travel company and one day I find myself getting attracted to one of my male subordinate, 10 years younger to me but whatever I had dreamt for was in this guy. Initially I avoided expressing my feelings, but then being his boss, he wanted to get to know me better and asked me out for drinks, nothing happened, but slowly we became very good friends and in one of the weak moments, I shared my innermost feelings with him. He was extremely understanding and wanted to continue as good friends and nothing more. I agreed as I did not have a choice, and if not as a romantic partner, atleast I could have him as a friend. I did not want to screw up my marriage or my carrer so I changed divisions where he did not have to report to me. Then there was a period when my love became obsessive and still I cannot bear the thought of not having him around. There was a time when he wanted to cut it all off as it was geeting unbearable for him. He does not understand the psyche of a gay person so I dont blame him. I am trying my best to get over him but I cannot. He share his sexual relations with his girlfriends with me and I end up fantisising about him making love to girls. How do I get him if I want to. My emotions are getting out of control and I am unable to discpline my mind. Can someone help me please.

[crookster_man]

I have to agree with Swingfox. Such a situation is beyond my experience or true understanding. I would suggest however that you be true to your self. Your only obligation is fulfilling your true goals. Finding your true self. This can only be done by being completely honest with your self.

 

Are you happy with your wife and family? Does she know that you are gay or at least Bi-sexual? Do you wish to end your marriage and try living a different lifestyle? These are all things you will have to answer your self.

 

As for the other guy, it would appear that he is not interested. Clearly by him telling you about other women is a way for him to tell you that he isn't into males. Unrequited love is quite a difficult thing to swallow. However, you cannot make another love you. No matter how much you obsessed over it.

 

If you truly want to experiment there are places you can go to do so. However, this would be cheating on your wife. Which raises whole other issues. Don't think for a moment that because it is a man not another woman that it doesn't count. Sharing your self with another when you are in a committed exclusive relationship is cheating. I wish you the best of luck. You have much soul searching to do. Just remember always be true to your self. In the end you will have to live with your choices, and there consequences.

 

Remember Manish, I don't claim to be an expert or to even truly understand your situation. I hope I have answered some of your questions or at least pointed you in the right direction. Once again, I must agree with Swingfox. Your situation may require the guidance of a skilled professional. I wish you the best of luck.

[kdreger]

Obsession is not a homosexual issue. Obsession happens to straight people as well. Having an obsession with someone is feeling that you cannot be happy without that person. This shows a flaw in your existing relationship and your perception of what makes you happy. No one person can give your life meaning.

 

The solution with obsession is breaking off ALL contact and having the strength to keep it that way. You can get help from professionals but like any addiction, the strength to overcome it has to come from you.

 

You have to make a decision as to if you are going to live your straight life or a gay one. You CANNOT have both. You are being disrespectful to your wife and child. It is better to be honest to them then have it come out by doing something behind their backs.

 

You like every closet homosexual are in a tough spot. I don't envy you as any straight person couldn't imagine living like that. Just remember that, in having a family, you have to temper your needs against their well being. Making a mistake can have long term effects that will haunt you for YEARS.