set back

[thegoodgirl04]

so I am driving down the highway and who do I see, my ex coming back from a mountian bike ride with two bikes on the roof of his truck, I am guessing it's one of his guy friends or the ex he was doing whatever with. I was doing so better before I saw him, now I just feel like a loser, who is missing out on something even though I know I wouldn't have been happy with him. It's just so frustrating because I keep seperating how he really is from the fake front that he put up. It just erks me because I feel like his ex won and they are together (I know this is a silly statement because he's already back on link removed) and he is having this wonderful life and he's happy, all without me. I just want him to call and say I want you back so I can get the upper hand. I know this isnt right, but I would feel so much better, maybe?

[Scout]

Hon, just read and take to heart your signature, "Sometimes not getting the thing you want is the prize." Believe me, after some time has passed, and new opportunities are in front of you, you'll realize this. There are many exciting things ahead for you - if you put yourself in a position to discover and try them - that you might not have gotten to experience if you got back with your ex.

[mmmending]

..yes..

 

you feel "set back", for now at least.. but this is not a solid-state version of you.. you "are" not set back

 

following the dharmic flavour of your signature, and of scout's reminder to you of the wisdom inherent in it, ponder this one:

 

If we gain something, it was there from the beginning.

If we lose anything, it is hidden nearby

-Ryokan

 

you are likely only "set back" to the extent that what is wonderful about you is momentarily not apparent to you.. but this wonderfulness hasn't really gone anywhere

[thegoodgirl04]

Thanks guys, I know I'll be OK, I just have to stop this tape that keeps repeating over and over in my head.

[thegoodgirl04]

Already good things have happened that would have not happened if I was still with my ex, I guess I'm just lonley, I don't know if I really miss him persay, cause when I was with him I was miserable. He's one of those guys who looks good on paper, good job, has a house, seemingly has it all together, then you get sucked in and he starts to play elementary games. I doubt that I was the first person he dated that his game playing affected. He said he never had a relationship like the one he had with me.

[mmmending]

Thanks guys, I know I'll be OK, I just have to stop this tape that keeps repeating over and over in my head.

 

please be easy on yourself with this.. the tape may need to run its course.. someone for whom i have a lot of respect, affection, admiration said to me once 'asking your mind to stop "thinking" is like asking your body to stop producing enzymes.. it's impossible, it can't happen.. this is what the mind does' .. yep! sometimes (with skill, patience, awareness) there is catharsis in letting the tape run

 

the thing to be mindful of is not to let yourself indulge in the content, nor in any of the barbs and personal criticisms it may contain.. remind yourself not to make or solidify any decisions about yourself based on it.. too, it is memory, and has passed through the filter of any manner of "idea" (read: things that by their very nature simply pass) which may not necessarily be supportive or constructive.. people, we, i - all build cases in an attempt to give substance to opinions, to fortify positions and so forth and this creates such separation - most often from ourselves! - fuelling very difficult feelings such as lonliness.. when you are able, see this for what it is; getting stuck in the story is less letting the tape run, than playing the broken record

 

Already good things have happened that would have not happened if I was still with my ex, I guess I'm just lonley, I don't know if I really miss him persay, cause when I was with him I was miserable. He's one of those guys who looks good on paper, good job, has a house, seemingly has it all together, then you get sucked in and he starts to play elementary games. I doubt that I was the first person he dated that his game playing affected. He said he never had a relationship like the one he had with me

 

beeeeautifulllll!!! .. this, old friend, is the voice of compassion.. those things you have noted about your ex are less a statement of him than an acknowledgement of you.. a permission for you to be yourself, and of the worthiness of you to live in your personal dignity.. so fine!!!