Update: Anniversary blues...

[lvlyldy]

Its been 9 weeks of being broken up now, and I dont know how to feel about where I am right now. Its been so hard, especially since we live accross from eachother and we shared a class together. Yesterday was the last day of classes, so now Ive just seen him around in passing in the hallway. Today would have been our 1.5 year anniversary, and I wonder if he even remembers.

 

He's been very confusing, at times breaking down and crying, admitting he misses me other times being cold and distant and telling me that there is no chance for us ever, that he has changed and that he no longer wants a relationship with anyone. After taking two days to really think about it, I talked to him last night. We are going home for the summer in a week and I will not hear or see him again. We are living on opposite sides of campus next year and will share nothing together. I apologized for everything I had done wrong... for not being more understanding, for not being more accepting. I told him I realized how much time we really spent together and that it wasnt fair of me to ask for all of his "free time". I told him I really wished I hadnt let myself give up everything at the beginning of this semester (i had to drop everything but class because I was sick), and maybe had I not we would haev had SOME distance. I told him everything I was sorry for and that I agree what was going on was out of hand.I told him that I wasnt needy or dependent, just afraid to be alone, and that it really took breaking up for me to establish that. I told him how I percieved our relationship right before we broke up (we were fighting a lot), and how I was getting hurt by his actions, not that I was trying to stop him from doing something he liked. He nodded, he seemed to really take in what i said, and all the while he teared up... and in the end just said he forgived me. I know he still cares, but he is also still certain in his mind that he is not ready to deal with everything a relationship comes with, ie the drama. I tried to tell him that I realize I was asking for too much, and that it was a bad cycle we had gotten into and that being together I couldnt figure these things out. That it took us breaking up for me to see hte situation for what it was and that I truly regret what happened. I didnt ask him back, I didnt ask for a promise about the future. I simply asked if we could try to be friends and he said yes.

 

I miss him so much, especially today. I cant bare losing him. As strong as I've been lately and as hard as Im trying to accept that he may never come back, I still truly hope he will. Hes walked by a few times and waved hello, and came in once to see wat i was doing. He is a sweetie at heart, and I really realized how much he really means to me... not because I cant live without him, but because I love him and I truly want him in my life. Ive made so much progress, spending time with other friends, refocusing on my school work, etc. But in the end, I always wish I could share all these small success with him.

 

I just wonder at this point, is this something he can put past him, and want another shot at? A bad situation (my being constantly sick for 6 months and him having academic problems) and bad choices (living accross from eachother, losing touch with friends and our own activities) drove us to fight all the time. Now that I understand it, and I have expressed this to him, will he think about what I said at all? After a summer apart, with the time and space and our situation completely changing next year, Will he even consider giving us another shot in the future, or is it just broken beyond repair? All I know is, in the past two months he has not tried to go after any other girls, and instead spends all his time at his computer or in his room. He doesnt seem interested in finding anyone else. I just hope with time, he will feel better about himself and his problems, and maybe let us give it another go?

[Scotcha]

I don't think there is anyone that can tell you if he will reconsider giving a relationship with you another go.

 

The things you said to him were very well thought out and it does sound as if you've made progress. BUT.. Like it's always said, it takes two. It's a big productive step and lesson to realize your part in the break up but assuming all the blame won't help bring him back.

[lvlyldy]

Yea, I ended up bawling on the phone to a friend right after writing this post, and talking to me made me realize something. The breakup was hard on us both, Im sure I wasnt perfect with dealing with him, but neither was he about dealing with me. He was very inconsiderate about a lot of things and contributed equally to instigating fights. In the two months we've been apart Ive probably apologized 4 or 5 times, each time realizing more and more of what went wrong... but he, who not only hurt my by breaking up with me but also hurt me before then has never ever admitted any blame or offered any apologies for his part in it.

 

I always loved him so much because I felt he accepted me and loved me the way I was, quirks and all. But until he can offer me a sorry, I guess he isnt worth the heartache.

[joyce1412]

lvlydy--i was reading this and realized your relationship/breakup and mine are eerily similar. can you commit to giving him some space? it sounds like that would give you both some clarity. i wonder if you wanting to be "friends" with him rather than nothing at all might be because you're just scared about your relationship to him having no lasting significance. does that make any sense? maybe you don't want to let him go because you can't stand the idea of having him not be an influence in your life at all, so you're trying to wean yourself off of the relationship.

 

if you really want him back, i'm sure most people here would agree that you have to just leave him alone, and tell him that he should only get in touch with you if he wants a relationship again. and also that until then, you both need space from each other. i think i'm doing pretty well since my breakup (about three weeks ago), and this is pretty much what i have committed to doing. let him miss you. and in the meantime, work on yourself and make yourself even better. he may come back to you, he may not, but the more you better yourself, the more you'll be able to think, "what an idiot he is for leaving me behind." i read about all the apologizing you've been doing and how he hasn't done likewise--exactly my situation with my ex--and i really feel for you. in time he'll probably realize the things he did and see that it wasn't all your fault, and you'll see it, too. but again, it sounds like above all, he needs a little SPACE and TIME to straighten things out in his head.

 

you're in college, as am i...don't worry, if it doesn't work out, you've got plenty of life to live.

[mikeca]

I kinda fun it funny the similarites in each person's storys..how all of us can be so different yet when it comes to relationships/breaking up we all do that same stuff...I really hope you can work everything out