am i right, or is he???

[honeydipped]

i really have a big problem here, and i dont know who to get some advice from, so here i am, i hope someone can help out if they can. the problem is, i am in love with a young man, he is also in love with me, thats not the problem, lol, well, he has male and some female friends, this one female friend just seems to be getting in the way, he has never had sex with her, he doesnt even like her, she is totally not his type, but when i cant go out, or im busy at home, she asks him to pick her up and take her out, my b/f and i usually go cruising sunday nights, and if i cant go, he seems to think its ok to pick her up and take her, i get upset, i let him know how hurt i was, he got really upset and said well fine, i wont have any friends then, and... he also just went ahead last sunday and picked her up and took her cruising , here, in manitoba cruising is a big thing, and my b/f meets with all his male friends, soo, they saw him with this mixed up girl, very mixed up, which also bothers, me as he told me he felt the need to explain to his friends, that he was not cheating on me, when i asked him why he explained that to him, he said cause i know how closed minded people can be, anyways after this cruising last week, he met me, i was crying and felt betrayed, i told him i would also go out then, with guy friends, cruising coffee, whatever, well he said no way, i cant, he said my male friends want more than a cruise or coffee,but last week he agreed to stop seeing her, and to block her on messenger, well this weekend was great, we went camping, had lots of close time, so i get home, he messages me, that this "girl" wants to go cruising again tonight, if i cant go,but i was upset, so then he invited me for a 3 way conversation with her, and told me to tell her im not comfortable with her going out with my b/f, she said i have nothing to worry about, lol, yeah, well then they both ganged up on me, saying im controlling, i shouldnt pick his friends, she even had the nerve to invite me to go cruising with her and my boyfriend, omg, i was shocked, so, anyways he phoned me, gave me heck, told me im being selfish and all. but he would agree not to see her again, anyways, yes we are going cruising tonight, together, without her, but he is upset about this, as he feels im controlling, and says i say i wont let him hang out with his friends, even though he does all the time, soo, who is right plzzz, am i too old fashioned, is he right, should i loosen up, should i say its ok to have female friends to go out with , i need some other point of view on this, if u can help let me know, thanks, debbie

[stary]

sounds a little weird. ok this is how i see it, and im not saying im right, just giving advise. ok is should be ok for him to have girls that are friends, however, it should be the same for you. in my relationship, i have many more guy friends then i do female friends and my boyfriends is ok with it. some times i go out with them to clubs and stuff and my boyfriend stays home. he and i both know that we are just friends. so what im saying is that it should be ok for him if its ok for you. if he gets mad at you for going out with your guy friends then hes wrong, but if hes not then your wrong. if you havent gone out with your guy friends, its time you should and see how he reacts to the whole situation.

[crookster_man]

Yea this is a touchy subject. You don't want to appear controlling; however his behavior is upsetting you. Clearly he sees nothing wrong with his friendship with her. However you do. The ball is completely in your court. You have told him how you feel about this situation. He told you how he feels. You have to decide is this a deal breaker or not. Can you agree to disagree or is this pain to much?

 

You are only responsible to your own happiness. If you don't like the situation then walk away from it. If he won't do as you wish you have to either accept his choice and be happy with it, or break it off. If you just hang around and build up anger and resentment you will eventually end the relationship.

 

When it comes down to it. If your BF really wants to have you in his life for the long haul he should put you before his friend. If his current relationship with her is to intimate with her, he should back off. It all depends on what you are willing to accept. The worst thing you can do is say you are cool with it and not be.

 

You will resent him and you're self. You have to do some soul searching. Good luck and my you follow your heart.