lucia Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Hey, That's what a friend of mine told me today. She was talking to someone who is involved in bdsm on the internet. He asked if she wants him to be her on-line master. To be honest I'm not sure what it is. She asked me what I think about it, but I really don't know what to think. Have you ever heard about it? What is tha all about? I don't know what he would make her do. Is it safe?? Link to comment
novaseeker Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 It's worth being careful about, because there are some creeps about on the internet as everyone knows. She needs to be careful that this is not one of them she is speaking with. Does she have an existing interest in BDSM? Is she a "submissive", for example? Link to comment
lucia Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 Well I'm not sure about her interests hehe I guess she's submissive from what she said. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Don't speak woman, I am your master. Oh wait, am I logged in? Link to comment
novaseeker Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Well if that's the case it could just turn out to be another flavour of cybersex. If she's into BDSM, she could find that kind of virtual relationship erotically stimulating, or at least a way to explore her interests in this kind of thing in a safe way. The key, though, is to take real precautions so that this doesn't spread into real life with this person unless adequate precautions have been taken to make sure he isn't a creep ... that's the main thing I think. Link to comment
MetalGuitar Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 LOL! Seriously though, tell your friend to be careful, because if she agrees, she might find herself in some not so good situations. There are some who look at BSDM as a 'way of life' type thing... unless your friend is really into that type of thing, I would suggest that she stay away... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 2nds Novaseekers post. link removed will have more information (don't be scared by the wrapping, it has some very intelligent and helpful people within) First off, find out what exactly she and he have discussed in regards to the boundaries and expectations discussed. Is she really into bdsm or just playing on the net, she should be aware that she may probably never know if the guy she is cybering with is doing the same. If she does go ahead with it, how seriously would she take it, she may never know this person outside of a net connection, so she should never give away personal information as that could be just begging for trouble. Are there expectations of meeting in real life. Does she understand the safety precautions that must be taken in these regards (so much more than in 'ordinary' meet-ups). Link to comment
lucia Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to meet him. They just talk on msn. Hmmmm I think she's just curious about bdsm. I doubt that she has any experiance. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 If she has no experience then it's definitely best that she doesn't enter into anything rl with this guy. BDSM is very intense and it's best not to find out that you have a conflict of interest when you've entered into a 'relationship' with someone. Send her over to that link though, and make sure that she's educating (and protecting) herself on just what this guys offer might entail and what she would be interested in. (Sometimes kinks just don't match up.) And if she wants to explore it in her real life find out where munchs (group meets) are taking place near her, rather than just going off with someone. Link to comment
lucia Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 Are these munch safe for her? Link to comment
TiredMan Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 wow my joke didn't go over hehehe Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 A munch generally is a gathering of kink friendly people in a non-kink setting. It's about as safe as any new group meeting. In England they tend to be pub affairs, in the states I'm going to assume they're not radically different, but maybe a US based kink person will be able to offer more info. All in all, it's mainly a case of making sure that someone knows where she is, who she's with and can check in on her via mobile. But then, if she has no desire to take it into the real world, it's moot. Better safe than sorry at least. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I second everything agent has said...in fact, I met my husband on link removed. She's much safer going to a munch than doing a one-on-one meeting with someone. Most medium and larger cities in the US have at least one BDSM group that holds regular munches. (The group I'm currently involved with has them every week, alternating locations in different parts of town) These are generally held in restaurants. Attendance at our group's gatherings range from about 6 on a slow night to upwards of 25-35. If she's just looking to play online, she'll probably be ok as long as she doesn't give out any personal info...like her home address and such. If she's looking to explore in real life, she's going to be much better off finding a support/social group locally and meeting people through there. Groups are generally a good filter...people who have something to hide (like a spouse or who are truly dangerous) tend to NOT gravitate toward the public scene. The more a potential partner wants her to keep it quiet, the more I'd be concerned. You might also want to suggest some books to her if she's interested in pursuing any real-life interaction. "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns" by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is a good, basic resource as is "SM 101" by Jay Wiseman. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Oh, and one other thing... This is a personal bias, so take it with a grain of salt, but the online bdsm world has a lot of....how do I phrase this....BS artists. Beware of anyone claiming to be a True Master or True Submissive or who tells her there's one right way to do things. Online BDSM has about as much to do with real life BDSM as fashion models have to do with real women. There are too many people (male AND female) who are just playing around with kinky fantasies in BDSM chat rooms and toying with others. If that's all she's looking for, that's her business...but if she's sincerely interested in exploring the lifestyle, then she's much better off finding a group of kinky folk that are in the same geographic area she's in. An educational website she might find of use is link removed Link to comment
xprincessbugx Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 If she's interested in that kind of stuff then good for her, but i agree with the other posters she does need to be careful. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 wow my joke didn't go over hehehe your joke was funny I've seen alot of online men advertsing that they are looking for online domme. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Lucia, I found a link that talk about cyber BDSM. link removed Link to comment
quietgrl Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 shes2smart, Your post is right on.There are alot of men who just want online BDSM cybersex and not real life BDSM. Link to comment
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