lonely tomboy

[dgriff13]

Hey all- I'm new. Hope you can help me out here.

 

I'm not much of a dating person. Nor am I flirtacious, romantic, or what society perceives as an "attractive sexy woman". I don't mean that to sound so pitiful, for I have alot of confidence in myself, and I see myself as a good person with above average looks- "problem" is I'm a tomboy. Not just a girl who plays a few sports- but a hardcore tomboy- I act like a guy, dress like a guy, think like a guy. I am straight, and although I can't see myself "dating" in traditional terms, the thought that I may go through life alone and end up a bitter lonely old woman scares the hell outta me.

 

I refer to my tomboyishness as a "problem" only because it has hindered my love life completely. I'm in my mid-twenties and have never really dated- just a few random blind dates that my friends set up that went miserably. Guys just don't "see" me as dateable- like I'm my own little nonsexual species, neither man nor woman. It seems the only answer is to toss my baggy pants and put on dresses/makeup/etc., be flirtacious and downplay the competetiveness & aggressiveness- basially ACT more like society's perception of a feminine girl. I tried this before, hated myself for it, and it got me no where. I'm not doing it again (*hint hint*: I don't want makeover advice...). Being someone I'm not will just make things worse, and waste my time and the guy's time.

 

So, um.. yes... what is it I want? I'd like companionship- the perfect entanglement of a best friend and a lover, without all the tedious mushy dating crap you have to go through to get there. I'd like to find a guy that could love me for who I am- a child-at-heart tomboy, and not the stereotype-cutesy-woman I "could be if I just wore a dress and some lipstick once in a while". Does a tomboy have a chance to be attractive to men, or am I just kidding myself?

[musicchicus]

Hmmm, I have heard this type of advice often...oh, just wear a dress, blah, blah. And I agree with you...the guy should like your for who you are... But what kind of luck has that given you?

 

Well, I believe in being yourself! Tomboy, girly-girl, whatever. I believe that there are men out there that will find you extremly attractive for who you are...

 

But I am guessing that you are so busy being yourself, the tomboy, that when these men are attracted you just don't notice it! I mean, come on, if you are chasing a ball or beating up the boys - how are you going to notice the stud on the sidelines checking you out?

 

So, my suggestion is not to change yourself or stop being who you are (although it by no means hurts to pay special attention to yourself - be well groomed and dressed, even if its a T and shorts your wearing at all times). Rather, just be more aware of who is around and if a man seems to find you attractive (a second look, a hi how you doin, whatever)...go with it. Show him extra attention. See where it goes.

 

You are bound to find someone!

 

Gook luck

[Babes]

You have nothing to worry about. I have a friend that is 30 and she just got married. She is Tomboy just like you. She had the same fear as you but the truth is if you dont want to be that you will do anything for that not to happen.

 

Dont change yourself. Being a Tom Boy is not a bad thing plus if you change into a tipical girl you wont be happy. You are unique and you will find that man that loves you for who you are someday. Just because you dont date as often as some of your friends dosent mean you are going to end up alone.

 

My advise to you is try hanging out in new places. Try new things. You might find that special someone there.

 

Just remember to be yourself!!!

[dgriff13]

Thanks everyone for the advice.... heh- I am quite oblivious to people around me who I'm not hanging around with. More observant friends say they never have seen a guy checking me out (they'd notice if it happened), but I can try to keep an eye out more.

 

I need to figure out if I really want/need a relationship, because if I did, I think I'd be more willing to change a few things- I mean, I have to meet the guy halfway somehow. I sure don't want to "experiment" on some poor dude's heart (if I find one) unless I'm sure a relationship is what I want. How does one know she/he is ready for the whole dating scene? I'm so independent, it doesnt even look like I need a guy. I don't want to be crowded or held back from things like my career or my friends, and relationships take alot of effort.

 

Is it possible guys don't know how to approach a tomboy? I understand that guys usually like to take care of their girl- and I'm so self-sufficient... maybe they just figure I don't need them, so they don't even bother. I'd love some comments from guys who've dated tomboys.... or if you find tomboys attractive at all... what they'd have to change to be attractive to you... and why... WHY, if you complain to your tomboy best friend about your prissy girlfriends who drive you nuts, can't you see her as the answer? Guess I'm using logic in a place where there is no logic.

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Hey there! Yes guys are still attracted to tomboys, I think I know, because Im one. I dress like a guy, act like a guy, sometimes I even think I'm one. I hang out with alot of guy friends, I'm 16, I have a terrific boyfriend who's older, although I've been with him for an year (Whom isn't 100% supportive of me dressin like a guy) I have 5 guys that like my in my school, possibly more, I don't know why, I guess its because they think its cool, to have a girl acting like 'one of them'

It's something I've always wanted to,

I can't stand when me and my cousins (who are all girls) are being told by their moms, "No, stay here, this job is for the guys" (My older male cousins) It makes me feel like I'm less then human.

To dress like a girl, makes me feel all worthless inside. I told myself long ago, this is who I am, this is who I'm ment to be, and as a matter of fact, I'm not ashamed, but Proud! Down the school halls I proudly march down them with my steel toe work boots. You should be proud too!

add me! email removed

Thanks for your time!