from seperation to divorce- so confused!

[anabanana]

hello all.

 

i haven't seen my husband since last tuesday- almost 2 weeks. when we saw each other (he was moving out that day) we had a nice time and decided we were going to be separated, would keep contact minimal, but would still see each other from time to time and would work towards reconiciliation. basically, jsut give each other time and space.

 

i received a letter from him this friday that he wrote on tuesday- a week after he moved out. in it, he says he had a moment of clarity, wants to create a clean break and start moving on, that he doesn't miss me, and that he has no hope that we will get back together...

 

i am very confused.

 

i had left him a message on wednesday (before i got the letter) that i wasn't going to be home on saturday and that he should come by to pick up his stuff, and that i loved him and missed him terribly but that i wouldn't be contacting him anymore. i told him he can contact me when/if he feels like seeing me or talking about our future.

 

i am hurt, and very confused. he didn't come to pick his stuff up on saturday, and i haven't heard from him. part of me feels (or hopes, i guess) that this letter was written out of anger, to hurt me. it was just so mean...

 

i have decided to do nothing, just let things be and not contact him in any way. maybe with time he will realize he does miss me and want to reconcile. maybe he won't. any advice? anyone gone through something like this?

[DN]

I think you are doing the right thing. He needs time to really decide what he wants and he can only do that if you leave him alone.

 

But don't wait forever - there may come a time when you have to decide you want to move on and file for divorce.

[novaseeker]

The best thing you can do is (1) think about what you really want and (2) set a deadline of some sort for when you should move on (doesn't need to be arbitrary, can be a rough time frame, but you should still have some time frame). You can't control what he does, unfortunately, and in the meantime you should do some things to take care of yourself so that you can discern what you really want and feel.