I don't understand this!

[mrrisotto]

So, for the past week or so my girlfriend and I have been on edge. We argue at minimum once a day over (what I consider) very petty things, and I end up leaving. A few hours later she calls me up and invites me back over - I go a little testy. We hang out for a bit and everything is great, then bam, into another argument where I end up leaving. This has been happening at least once, if not twice or three times, a day for about a week.

 

Whats going on with our relationship? Is it some codepency thing (yes, I just saw it on a TV show, and I personally feel that a lot of the times I head back over, I can feel a lot of tension between us, yet neither party is admitting?), a sign of a potential break up, or just plain frustration and stress?!?!

 

At around the same time this started, she said she was having second thoughts about our relationship (I have a feeling about trust issues - search for my other thread dealing with this). I've respected her for this concern and have done what I can to reassure her of MY position. It just seems rather odd and I don't know whats really going on. Playing (either the good or the bad type)? Seduction? Or a genuine feeling of wanting to break up with me?!?!

 

Help.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Mr Risotto - so hard to say with out knowing anything from her about what she's feeling or thinking.

 

Can you have a nice, quiet, serious-toned talked with her and ask her to just level with you once and for all??

[monkey1]

What are you arguing about? Is it stupid little stuff like "Oh you're always watchign that show, you know I hate it ..." or is it bigger stuff? And how long you been together?

[mrrisotto]

How about this for an example... she asks "did you poor the (sour) milk down the drain, or just in the sink?" My response: "Down the drain." Her response (very firmly): "your lying." My response: "No, I'm not." And things escalate from there...

[monkey1]

Well I don't know. We don't know the history of your relationship. Have either of you cheated? Why are there trust issues? Are you both not being honest with each other?

 

Really you both need to talk about what's really going on. Because usually if you're have little stupid arguments over how you disposed of milk gone bad, milk isn't the issue. There's something else going on. If you both want your relationship to work, you need to sit down and talk about it and how you're going to do it. Relationship is all about honesty, communication and comprimise.

[RandomAdvisor]

mrrisotto,

 

Based on the information you provide in this post as well as your other topic that I replied to, I really think that you should walk away from this girl. Whatever her reasons are they should remain a mystery to you, none of your concern....

 

She has issues and you aren't going to have a happy healthy relationship with her.

[mrrisotto]

Well, the truth finally came out yesterday... she cheated on me with her physically abusive ex-boyfriend. I missed the clues - constantly bickering with me, accusing ME of cheating (i.e. I spent a few extra hours with my mom on Mothers Day and when I came home kind of late, she said "thats what people do when their cheating"), etc. The funny thing is, the day she cheated on me a few weeks ago, she took me on a nice drive in the mountains and then to a nice dinner because I thought she felt bad that she "saw" him (I trusted her and honestly thought nothing happened, and that she was genuinely sorry for "hanging out" with him). Here's the email I got Monday morning from her...

 

I don't think we should continue our relationship but rather be friends because I want to see other people. I haven't been faithful to you by having an affair with **** when his girlfriend went out of town. I need to be free to have closure in this area and until i do i can't lie to you anymore. I am sorry about the affair- please forgive me-

I will never trust her again and am walking away.

 

Thanks some_guy282 for your suggestions.

[RandomAdvisor]

I'm sorry she put you through all this. You did nothing to deserve it!

 

Here's a final suggestion: she doesn't deserve to be your friend. Just go to NC and move on. And NC will be hard, believe me. I'd lay good odds that she will be calling you again within a few months to "talk" so she can tell you how she is so sorry and wants to try to work it out again. You don't need a crystal ball to tell you beforehand that it wont work out. Listen to your head here and not your heart.

[kellbell]

Hey there!

 

She likes to pick fights with you. She is a drama junkie. Straight up. Either put your foot down or get out of the relationship. True no one deserves to be treated in this manner...but unless you take a stand or leave, she will continue to treat you this way. I hope things get better and take care.

 

Edit...

 

My word, I cannot believe I missed your post about finding out about her cheating on you. I am so sorry. Yes, it all makes sense. Picking fights, etc.

 

"accusing ME of cheating"

 

That is called projection. It is a defense mechanism that is supposed to alivaite a person's ego of guilt. Makes perfect sense now. I am so so sorry this happened. NC all the way my friend. Take care.

[RayKay]

Oh boy risotto - that sure sucks, but it definitely does explain some of her behaviours and attitude of late. Kellbell is right on about that whole "projection" thing.

 

Don't be her friend. You also have NO duty to her to "forgive her" as she said. While you should forgive the relationship to put it in the past and not hold onto anger towards her, you have no duty to tell her she is forgiven - it is just to ease her own guilt, not because she is genuinely sorry about it.

 

Move on, NC all the way and put her cheating, lying, dramatic butt into your past!

[JustNormal]

She has issues that has nothing to do with you, and you can't fix them. Time to pack up Wally. And if she was posting here, I would be telling her the same thing about you. You are looking for help and she ain't. That points to who has the problem. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. It's the cornerstone of personality disorders.

 

Pull up stakes Ronin. It will only get worse- and trust me- you don't want violence to enter in here. And that's where this is heading. One of you will smack the other- and that will break both of you permanently.