Women make no sense to me

[novaseeker]

Wow, so many men seem to think that. Can someone explain to me what caused this mentality?

 

It's the friendzone issue. The theory is that if you open up to women too early, you become a chat buddy and not a challenge/romantic interest, and you're more likely to be classed as a "friend".

[the yang to the worlds yin]

So odd, I always end up dating my friends BECAUSE I know them from being friends first. For me it's a benefit because I've already established trust, I know their intentions, and I know them so I know were compatible.

[novaseeker]

Yeah, with some people it does work that way, in terms of things progressing from friendship to relationships. But often it doesn't work out that way ... there are countless, countless stories here from men who have tried this approach only to be refused down the line because they were thought of as "friends", and had not made their romantic interest known very early in the relationship.

[annie24]

Sadly, many women assume that it is always the good looking guys that are the players. More often than not, it is the average looking guy that is the player because he believes he has something to prove (by sleeping with many women to validate himself) where the good looking guy doesn't need that kind of validation.

 

LOL! I agree with both you and sussertod!!! I've seen lots of hot men be players and lots of average guys be complete players. I think a lot of it depends on how these men view themselves.

 

As for the original poster, maybe your sister broke up with her really nice handsome boyfriend and she started dating the new guy because he had some other qualities she really liked? It's not all about looks you know... And remember - beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[eljose]

If I may, most of my long term relationships were with women that were friends first and they were great relationships to boot. I have also been friendzoned a few times as well and know the feeling.

 

There is a logic to this whole issue, but it is difficult to describe as it is not a black and white issue. I used to be brutally shy and that is when I got friendzoned the most. In going through that, I learned a few things.

 

One, I learned to relax with myself and accept who I am. For the most part, I found that in that state, I am very good at making women laugh and loosen up. They seem to find that attractive

 

Two, I never talk about serious relationship issues until they have been bringing it up a good bit. Nothing serious here, but I just found that things work better when they process their feelings with out the pressure of what I think or want out of the relationship thown into the mix.

 

Three, I have generally found that "super-model" type women are not all that attractive to me. Not unless they are really comfortable with themselves, are intelligent and have a good sense of humor. In other words, they have to have that "spark" that is a reflection of being at ease with themselves, with life and with the world around themselves.

 

That is probably pretty circular, but the looks come secondary, and that is a good thing. I can't change the way I look, but I can change the way I relate to myself and others. If you get that down, everything else will resolve itself.

 

I hope that helps.

[CluelessGuy321]

I have soo been there. Acctually, I am there right now.

 

 

And you know what it is buddy? I think we over analyze. The dumb guys have it great. They don't have any hang ups, they just go with it. With us, we over analyze ourselves and the situation and act not as well should, but how we think we should.

[monsieur]

I used to be brutally shy and that is when I got friendzoned the most. In going through that, I learned a few things.

 

One, I learned to relax with myself and accept who I am. For the most part, I found that in that state, I am very good at making women laugh and loosen up. They seem to find that attractive

 

I hope that helps.

 

Actually, yours was an outstanding post. thank you. just wondering how you achieved the relax with yourself thing.... that is my number one problem, if I like a girl I just can't relax and be fun to be with. It ruins so many potential relationships, but I can't get out of the cycle. I am shy and get anxious and nervous very easily, so it is hard to break that trend.

[monsieur]

I have soo been there. Acctually, I am there right now.

 

And you know what it is buddy? I think we over analyze.

 

 

I agree with you. I know this last girl I definitely made myself look bad a number of times by appearing paranoid or something, by analyzing small interactions that went on and then bringing it up to her in email, like saying stuff like "I noticed you pulled away when I moved towards you when the movie started, was my breath bad or did you not like my body language, or was I imagining it?"... to which she replied that it was total imagination and "gosh, you are way too sensitive"... I know I lost respect for opening up to her about such stuff, I would have been way better off being quiet and strong and mysterious.

[Daddy Bear]

a person's face has little to do with l'amour, Monsieur 'monsieur'. good looks with no soul to back them up will attract only the shallow. a man could be Fabio's identical twin but if he acts like a cad, he will get diddly-squat.

 

love is love, and beauty is beauty, and viva la difference.