wow i am speechless..i guess this was what i needed

[sukerbut]

Wow just found out they moved in together after dating for 3 months...she knew him from high school..she just turned 23 in jan. I really am left speechless...good bye folks...i will never be back..she was such a waste of my time..i knew she was up to no good..when she came back i questioned her..i said cris i know you are out of school..i know you dont like your mom and you want to move out..thats why i question your motives on why you came back..her reply was i would never move in with a man unless i was gettign married to him...i dont know what i feel right now...foolish, empty, disappointed, elated, i just do not know wat to feel...i am numb..jesus to think i was still trying like a fok en azzzz holeee to try to show her how much i loved her...i am ashamed of myself for hurting people that loved me so i can be with this self centered monster .. she feested of me...i wanted to give her my life..imagine if i did..thank you god for making me who i am..thank you for letting me experience this pain now and not later..this was the final nail in teh coffen..i just dont know waht else to say...all this time wasted 7 long months of my life that i will never get back..for this parasite..i feel like such a fool

[AwdreeHpburn]

{{{{HUGS}}}} Sukerbut - I'm so sad for you.

 

Sounds like you got a lot out just then.

 

But you're not a fool even if you feel like one....

[ElektraHere]

Sukerbut,

 

I hate to say this but you put yourself in this spot. You were the one who wasted your time not her. You allowed all this to happen so you kind of have to put up with the remnants so to speak. Perhaps you will learn not to do this again in the future.

[ElektraHere]

I think that's a pretty cold way of summing things up. Almost every heartache we endure could somehow be traced back to our own decisions (or lack thereof...).

 

That's why we're all here, to support each other. No one asks to be treated like crap...sometimes we put up with a lot from people we love...someone shouldn't be bashed for being human.

 

to the OP: you've been through a lot, but it will get better, there's someone else out there who won't treat you that way.

 

I wasn't trying to be cold. I was just stating that when we let someone control our lives, our thoughts, or when we can't seem to put the heartache and relationship behind us that we reep the all that pain we put upon ourselves over that one person. I know I am guilty as charged that is why I am so upfront about it.

 

Sorry I am not one that minces words and I would hope when I ask for advice that others would be honest instead of coddling me and my problem. Sometimes the harsh truth, facts, however you would categorize it helps light that fire to get up, get mad, and move on.

[ElektraHere]

And I do too. That is why this site works. You have a wide spectrum of advice and what has worked for you and your experiences. I may be brash and I don't believe my "truth" is the gospel far from it. Go back in my posts I have had my fair share of problems that I created for myself.

 

Back to the OP Sukerbut I hope now you will be able to put her behind you and focus on the road ahead. This may be a blessing in disguise?

[Daddy Bear]

Elektra, it appears paradoxical that you are somewhat unreceptive when people are blunt in their assessment of you. i have found nearly every one of your posts that i have read to be very intelligent and well thought out but also abrasive and unsupportive. i would be highly put off by anyone who spoke to me like that and i hope you never do but maybe that is exactly what will get through to a certain subset of people, and for that i am glad you are an active ENA member.

 

sukerbut, welcome to the club of people who have at one time or another felt like a fool, membership 6 billion strong. i hope you feel better soon.

[ElektraHere]

so I am not sure is that a compliment laced with a bit of sarcasim? I would agree on some of your point. I love to get feedback from other members. At times I feel that I am abrasive but I am supportive.If there were a book of "mistakes not to make" the whole book would be on experiences I have had and ALLLLL the mistakes I have made. Just going off my experiences.

I do feel that after awhile if the person continues to keep "putting their hand in the fire" you have to get through to them somehow. Do you want to see a person get burned so to speak? No.

[Daddy Bear]

it was a sincere and sarcasm-free compliment braided with what i hope you will take as a bit of well-meaning constructive criticism. for the rec, i do not find your opinions self-celebratory or hypocritical in the slightest.

[blender]

You did NOT waste your time, not one minute, if it leads to a wiser, more understanding "you". This relationship has served as an important bridge to your understanding that you do not have to "give your life" to anyone, especially someone you love, who is healthy, kind, honest, mature, and just right for you.

 

When love is right, we do not give up of ourselves we flourish in our strengths and honestly with this person we love.. it's a two way street of love, committment, laughter, intamcy, honesty, and if it's anything less, well then you have learned from the time invested that it does not work without your standards/values in place first. Please do not beat yourself up about having spent time with this girl, after all, you were "hoping" and "counting on" a different outcome, and that is okay.. it's really great if you have in fact "learned so much about yourself" then every second you spent with her is so valuable.

 

This is all meant to be. You're going to do so well, and I'm sure within a years time you will hear she has moved away from this new guy as well.. and if not, then your "right one" is just around the corner, keep looking ahead, looking back is okay to learn from it, but do not STARE at the past, it only causes you to bump into the same things over and over again...

[bachinit]

^^wow. I've been lurking here for a while (due to being dumped recently) and this is my first post. But I have to commend you Blender...that was beautifully written and is precisely how I view my experience with a wonderful woman that still loves me, but felt we still weren't right together. It was our third go-round in 13 years and she's dumped me three times.

 

You would think that I'd have learned my lesson by now. Oddly, I haven't.

[shyanne]

i think 3 months of knowing someone is too early to be moving in... you should never move in with someone unless you love them. i don't see how people can love or know someone after only 3 months but some say that they can love.. love is a big word and a word that we shouldn't just throw around.

[sukerbut]

Glad to see you guys have hijacked my thread lol.(elctra your words are so soothing haha) ..anyways no worries. Despite the long painful and disappointing 7 motnh haul, I have come out a wiser and stronger man....This is not even about her any more..she is dead to me ! its about me. Blender i was going to type something similar to what you said but there is no reason for it since you worded it so spectacularly perfect.and so on the money...I will never settle to down grade my wants and needs be it values , life style and respect to try and salvage a relatiuonship that i should of broken a long time ago....I became a slave to the relationship..I knew the love was wishy washy and yet i tip toed gingerly through it...not wanting to stir up any dust..in turn that led me to frustration and that led me to act like an attention starved jealous little boy...I am confident to say that I am a top shelf guy...My actions the past 8 months were not that of a confident successful man rather a pathetick loser..which i am not...the outcome of this toxic realtionship would of been the same..no matter what...i know what i was dealing with, an unstable, littel girl with mental problems and fantasy issues..but my love was selfless...and i did want it to work so bad that i allowed myself to become this frail weak individual..never again...I also realized that fear is the ultimate killer in anything you do..if you fear you are going to fail you will go through the motions of failing and in turn you will fail...Thats about it..I am done..Done pining over her, done reading threads about other people that are miserable, done beating myself up, done thinking about what if's, done worrying why things happened ...Who cares...this news has finally meade me delete her from my life. i have learnt so much , I have soul searched i know who i am how to act..etc..thanks to her i also have my body back ... do i wish i was this person when she was arround..hell ya..do i think it was an even exchange..Me losing her to find myself...I think I made out on that one...Listen i did what needed to be done in the relationship on a boy friend's side..i even went above and beyong my duties..that was not the problem..she was the one continously messing up, but instead of me handling my business in a controlled confident and composed maner i dealt with her anticts in an immature patehtick way. The 7 months of torture were more than worth it...the pain will linger for a whil longer i am sure..but this news has given me the ammo to completely shut the door forever. RIP CRIS 5/5/06...