What's going on with him?!

[spunkmaster]

Ok, I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but my bf and I have been dating for 3 months now. We're in an age gap relationship, I'm 19 he's almost 27. I'm in college and he works full time. Last night, we were talking online about me moving back home for the summer(I live 2 hours away), and all of a sudden out of the blue, he says, I'm instituting a don't ask, don't tell policy with you, starting now until the end of the summer. When I asked him to explain, he said that since I'd be home I'd probably be partying with my friends, and that S*** happens. Ok, one thing...I've been cheated on twice, I know what it feels like, and thereforeeee would NOT do that to someone else. On top of that, we had the discussion about if one of us ever wanted to cheat, just break it off, rather than going thru with the cheating. He said he was just going to work as many hours as he could this summer to make the time pass faster until I moved back to school...I am absolutley crazy about him and don't want to be with anybody else, but I can't seem to make him believe that. And with the way things are right now, we only get to see each other on the weekends, because of our crazy schedules, and he blames himself for that and says no girl deserves a weekend boyfriend. I am totally committed to this relationship. I am very much in love with him, but I'm beginning to have my doubts as to how committed he is. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, and he said yes, but that he didn't expect me to wait for him for 3 months. Is that his way of trying to get out? Do I have a legitimate reason to worry, or am I reading too much into this?

 

Thanks ya'll!

[DN]

Is that his way of trying to get out?

I think you should ask him that directly. And also tell him that you feel hurt that he would even think that you might cheat.

[Goodfun88]

Maybe he is insecure. I don't know. Seems like an odd thing to say. Are you not able to see each other over the summer at all? I would let him know one more time that you are not going to be seeing anyone or sleeping with anyone over the summer, besides him. And that if he can't accept that, you've got problems. 3 months isn't very long at all, you guys should be able to handle that. Good Luck!

[spunkmaster]

that's the thing, it's only two hours! I wouldn't mind driving that at all. I plan on working too, but I thought I'd try to come down at least once a month. So it's not like we won't see each other, just maybe not as often as either of us would like.

[itsallgrand]

Did you let him know "No way. I do not want a no-ask, no-tell policy. I want to stay true to you and I want the same"? I'm guessing you did!

 

Yeah, this would make me nervous too. Don't know what's up. Sounds like his insecurity might be acting up or something. I guess I can understand that - you're a smokin' young intelligent woman. Lots of men are gonna be after you.

But...he needs to trust you.

 

I hope this works out and he comes to his senses and sees what he's got. It's a difficult situation. You could try to reassure him, but I'm not sure if that would help?

 

good luck

[Momene]

With only 3 months together, you're not thinking of marriage in the near future but 3 months is a very long gap. I wouldn't give up on going home for the summer for a 3 month boyfriend but is there any way you can travel to each other over this time?