Laying it All Out For Others to Hear...

[mikeca]

well like most people who come on this website I need the advice from strangers to help guide my actions I'll lay it out completely without any missinformation. so here goes.

 

 

It began last may when I returned from 'A' with a new vehicle. I was showing one of my friends the new thing when his older sister came out and asked to go for a ride...we ended up going out to a familiar place and went for a long walk...she was initiating everything at this point becuase I wasnt sure how my 'friend' would feel about this...it took me about a week before I asked him and he said it was ok..so we ended up seeing eachother at the end of may. This was my first girlfriend so I broke out the sweet/prince charming stuff...flowers when she was in a play...sweet notes slipped into her car..so basically everything was awesome all until febuary..and i mean so easy...we never fought or anything...everytime I got the slightest bit mad..i saw her eyes and just dropped the whole thing..I really do love this woman whole heartly. She has had a rough past with bf's mistreating her and even physically harming her..I enjoyed being the 'prince charming' of her life..as I am a very sweet and old fashioned kinda guy. We had a great x-mas with her family and she sent me numerous emails how happy she was to be with me. Now as I mentioned febuary...the worse month of my life.We both ended up in 'B' for business for me and visiting her parents who just moved there. We had a great time seeing a sports game..I got kindve mad at her because we were late after having dinner with one of her friends for a long time..but i appologized right after. We had some of the best sex in the hotel, but 3 days after we both returned things got different..I was unhappy with one of my work places and began whining/complaining about it to her constantly..she got so mad at me on the phone I decided maybe I shouldnt call/see her for a week to let things cool off...it just ended up escalading..we didnt talk..but when the week ended she still didnt seem happy..then a few days later she wanted to break up..well at first it was "not g/f but just seeing each other" so it progressively got worse from there..my b-day came..no call..but an email. We still kept in touch via email but didnt hang out due to the fact I wasnt over her and would just confess my love to her...so its killing me now...I'm her 'friend' and hearing about all her fun with her friends is hurting me..I ask myself "why cant i be there with her.." so after some consideration I go over to her house and talk with her...I tell her the things I liked about us...and how my feelings arent going away and what i would do for her.. (sell the car i bought and met her in. which I love the car but would sell in a second for her) So we have a long...talk..and were holding each other...i remember saying "if its not meant to be why does this feel so right" and then after some more hugging she says " i cant look at you...i have to go" and i tried to follow but she ran into her house.. which brings me to here...its been a week since that...and I STILL think of her 24/7 more so even. I want to be the man in her life that lifts away the pain and is just there for her...but now it seems impossible because were not even talking anymore..

 

 

and now it brings me to this...I've been online pretty much since march looking at these websites...alot say I should just move on...while others say I shoulda 'fake' being happy and start dating again so her feelings would come out when she sees me with someone else. I dont really know if I want jealousy to be the reason she comes back to me..her friends before called me her "best boyfriend ever" but now they rarely talk to me because of all the info they passed me she figured out I was talking to her friends and got mad at me. I will post some more thoughts I have once I hear some feedback..I really want to be with her again...I can honestly say theres nothing in this world that would make me more happy then waking up beside her and seeing that smile again...

[melrich]

It is really difficult to give you advice here because it is not easy to see what went wrong from what you posted. It seems like your relationship just sort of stopped.

 

Whatever, I think the advice you have been getting is right. You do need to break contact with her, stop talking to her friends etc.

 

You really will not achieve anything by continuing to chase her at this point. Give her some space and see what happens.

[mikeca]

It is really difficult to give you advice here because it is not easy to see what went wrong from what you posted. It seems like your relationship just sort of stopped.

 

 

thats what I've been really hung up on...I never hit her or mistreated her..its just like ended..at first I thought she just got stressed out over her work and hearing about my complaints was just to agravating..or that she was scared to open herself up to someone again. She said that 'were at different places' thing...but i was going to move in with her in april...and we both seem to want the same thing...a fullfilling relationship...if it was my job I'd quit in a second..I feel like asking why we couldnt talk this out..

[SxcLady]

Does she have new friends since you both got back???

[Bethany]

To be honest, I think you were just too nice. And I don't know how to say it, but a woman doesn't want a man to sell his car for her, or leave his job. She wants him to be strong, and if she is in the wrong, to put her in her place and tell her exactly that. She wants him to fight back, not drop the whole thing and say sorry. She thinks you're tooooo nice and doesn't want a yes or a I'm so sorry man. If she is wrong, then tell her.

You come accross as being overly soft and it seems to me, that you lost yourself by trying to please her too much. Don't apologise for being right but then back down and say your sorry. Stick to what you believe in even if she doesn't like it. Don't be her friend and or make everything right for her.

 

She said she can't look at you because she can't face the fact that you are so nice and she feels guilty for not wanting to be with you anymore because you ARE too nice.. She doesn't want a man who willl take away the pain for her and just be there for her, she wants a man who causes that pain. It's love, things go wrong and it is supposed to hurt when you love someone as you are finding out yourself.

 

What can you do about it now? Do the opposite,Go NC and if she comes back to you, as they inevitably do, tell her that you don't want her to contact you anymore, you have changed your mind. You don't want to be her friend. Don't be there, don't take away any pain, she should be feeling pain from YOUR loss. Go NC, be strong, don't be her friend, don't take any sh** from her.

[SxcLady]

In agree with Bethany. Go NC!!!

[mikeca]

Bethany I think your right I never thought of it like that....im comparing myself now to the person I was when we first met...sure I was sweet but I was still myself...now i'm not sure what or who I am..I've lost that aspect of knowing myself. I think its time I go back to doing the things I did before her..

Thanks and I appreciate your advice. This forums does help.