Need help moving on

[vickyviking]

My ex and I broke up last November. It was a very difficult breakup, I was having real problems dealing with his aggressive, judgemental attitudes and also that I felt I was treading on egg shells a lot of the time I was talking to him. I entered severe depression, had a month off work and wanted to die. He wouldn't speak to me during this time, just was really hard and cold towards me, which broke my heart even more.

 

However, in March, after months of what I can describe of as sheer hell, we were reconciled as friends and he is now part of my social group again. I have had the whole NC thing as we are regularly together with other friends and we get on as we always did – just not in a relationship.

 

The fact is, I still cannot stop thinking about him. This is really hard as I know his shift patterns, etc. I have other people to spend time with, but my mind always drifts to him. I know I need to deal with this otherwise I will never move on! It feels right now that I will never get over him, that I will always think of him. There is no way I am interested in meeting anyone else right now. I am just sooooo frustrated that I cannot seem to control my thoughts. I was talking to someone at church the other day who said I needed to distance myself from him, not ignore him. This is difficult though when we are both in a social group who do everything together. We ourselves get on really well, but we will just remain friends now.

 

Help! I just want to stop thinking of him and get on with my life!

[amtjrtcet]

Its too soon for him to be back in your social group. You're not over him, and you need not to have contact with him until you truly are. You may be feeling like you'd rather have him as a friend then not at all, but trust me...NO CONTACT. Healing takes time, give it that.

[Dazzerg]

Well it sounds like you are definatly better off as just friends. Maybe you gettin on so well as friends is something that is confusing you, reminding you of the positives of when you were together?

 

I think a significant thing here also could be that all this has happened in a relativley short space of time. You have been through the break-up to the readjustment of your relationship to friendship status. Giving yourself time to make these adjustments is important. If you try to force your emotions to do something you often find they do the reverse.

 

Maybe you could create a secondary social circle to take the pressure off your primary one if the pressure is too much??