I hate my future.... hate it!

[Stinkweed]

I just feel like I took a dive off of the airplane, but I know my parachute hasn't been working well... It might not open! I might go splat! Or it might open and get the job done bringing much desperation on my way down... You know, will it make it all the way? I had to take such jump, because if not I'd be a chicken, or just trash... There's really no way back anymore... I mean, there might be, but it's not really an option... It just makes me so mad! To be held down and restrained like this without any options... I don't call this a life if I can't really be myself. If I am told I did really have a choice, but I could tell I didn't. I'm so sick of it... I really have nothing to look forward to, and I'm pretty sure I'll be making the exact same mistakes I've been making over the years and a great depression. And don't you tell me that it'll be my fault, because if I had really had the choice, I wouldn't be feeling any of this, I know! I feel like I am not a person, but just some unhappy thing that really has no life of its own. Will I one day look back and say I did the right thing? I've hardly ever had such sweet thoughts in my entire life. But I am a person, why didn't I just go my own way? Why did I have to listen to others? Why do I care about what they think?

[ariyadhana]

You are 18, what is the situation you are in that you feel you are unable to break free from?

[Stinkweed]

You might not think it is a problem big enough to make me feel this way... But it does make me feel this way, and I just think maybe it's not normal... But why? I was still decently happy 2 months ago... Of course I still had choices, and "time to think" (about nothing I guess, because I guess I never really had much of a choice).