Urgent help needed :(

[cant-stop-loving-her]

help...PLZZ

I met this girl 2 years ago in school and in a couple of months i was madly in love with her.. but she already had a bf and at the end of that year she dumped him and now she's with another guy.. the seem serious to me but i cant be sure... in bout 2 months, he'll be going away for uni anbut she'll still be here for another year and i'm stayin as well..

In reality, i'm not really shy but 2 weeks ago a gave her letter and for the first time, i told her that i love her A LOT.. a week ago i gave another letter and told her how i loved her so much.. she's been ignoring me since then..

and i dont know what to do cuz schools out in a few weeks and i wont see her again for 3 months..

and in the second letter i gave her my number and email.. butr she hasnt replied to either..

what do i do... help soon.

PLEAASE...

thanxxx

[arwen]

Hey,

 

Although the bf is leaving for uni, she IS in a relationship. She probably doesn't know what to tell you and doesn't want to hurt you. That's probably why she doesn't respond to your letter. I'd try to move on. Three months is a long time, do you have nice plans for the summer? Who knows who you might meet

 

Ilse

[GottaLetItBurn]

Dude, ummm back off would be a good idea.

 

Your probably scarying her with all this and the fact that she isn't replying to you is a sign that she isn't interested. I don't understand why you don't go after a girl who is single and not taken. I think if you continue to try and contact her it is going to freak her out and she is going to think your a weirdo.

 

There are other girls, try to forget about this one is my best advice.

[bobo85]

SLOW DOWN....

 

I dont believe you love this girl because you barely even know her. Its just a crush and you will move on. I'm sure she knows you like her but she isn't doing anything to show her that she likes you. So next time you begin liking a girl...ask her out on a date asap...if she says yes...then good for you. If she says no then move on to another girl.

 

Having a crush on a girl for 2 years is way too long, especially since she has a gf.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

ok... here goes...

 

I just talked to her an hour ago and she said that nothing is a good idea betweemn us..

 

oooohhhhh!!!

I wanna kill her... not really

i still love her but i cant understand how she took away all i had in mind for two years in one second...

thanx for ur replies guys but still, i dont think i will ever forget her in my life..

and now i've got a problem cuz we've got PE lessons together and next year we have to be in same classs... * * * *. life suxx

[Tigris]

I'm sure she's flattered that you approached her. She's been understanding so I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe when her bf's been away for a while they'll discover they can't do Long Distance Relationships and you'll get a chance at dating her.

 

We all have to make mistakes to learn from them.

[Dating Coach]

Wow, yeah. Before I read your last post I was going to tell you that she is 100% NOT INTERESTED. You did far too many things wrong here, and it is no surprise to me that she is not interested. Don't take that badly though because most people-including myself-have been there, done that. In fact, I've done it probably close to 10 straight times before learning that the only common denominator for my failure is myself.

 

First off, you confessed your love for her. NEVER do that. NEVER wear your heart on you sleeve. First off, it's creepy. Second, it is the complete opposite of being a challenge. Geez man, there was nothing left to be had! You simply told her you were in madly in love with her. If she had any interest in pursuing something with you then that's it. It's there. There was no challenge, no mystery, not progressing in the relationship together. That's boring. Thirdly, you put a lot of pressure on her by confessing your love. She might have barely noticed you before but the next thing she knows is that you are head over heels for her. Wow. Her feelings are way down here, yet yours are WAY UP THERE. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone. Forthly, It's a pretty weak approach to write someone a letter to ask them out. We did that in middle school.

 

For some real advice on how to start changing things for yourself and learning about advancing your dating skills, read the link in my signiture. It is a Dating Guide I wrote for guys. Read it over and over again until you learn.

 

As for this girl, forget her. She is not interested and you need to respect that. You're not changing her mind either. So don't think it. Just move on like a mature adult would. Doing so will self some self respect.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

i dunno how to explain how i feel right now, but those who have been rejected can probably relate to this..

yesterday, she told me that we just cant be together and i loved with everything that i have and i still do..

 

i know i'm supposed to back off and move on but everytime i think bout letting her go, i start crying like hell..

and from now on in school, i know that i wont be able to look at her without a tear cuming out.

she is just the most perfect girl i've ever seen..

and i'm not just saying it.. every single guy in this school must have a thing for her at sum point..

i know i'm a guy and i'm supposed to be strong but i cant talk bout it to any of my friends cuz only one real close friend knows that i love her and she's a girl so she wont really understand..

 

cuz in reality i gave up classes, afte-school time and break times to be closer to her and i still cant believe how she could just end it all so quick...

 

now i'm trying to push her out of my head for 3 weeks cuz i've got A level exams in less than 2 weeks.. so far, i'm very close to failing, seriously cuz at home, all i can do is think of her...

 

i dont believe in having on and off relationships..

for me, she was my first and true love and i guess there will never be another girl in my life...

 

all i can hope and pray for this summer is that she will keep my number or email and when her current bf dumps her (i know he will - he's that type of guy), she might think bout me and decide to say sumthing...

 

anyway thanx to all

[Markers]

I have been rejected and from your description I get the idea of how you feel. It sucks, but your life doesn't end here! You need to discover your own life again. I can tell you one thing, she's flawed because we all are. She is nothing special, and you shouldn't cry after anyone like that. What you used to do on your free time before that girl appeared? Start doing that again incase you quit it along with classes etc. because if you have no life and you dedicate all your time to a girl, you come accross really needy and no girl will take you and yeah.. your life will lack content because you just spend all your time dreaming and not doing.

 

She is not your true love by the way. You don't love her, you just have a massive crush on her, one that you've fed for ages.. next time when you're interested in a girl, immediately ask her out and don't let it build up like this. Open your eyes, the world is full of girls, just start talking to them, you will find someone you like.

 

And no, she will not save your number. She will most likely not talk to you again, and she most likely will not come back for you. Sometimes miracles do happen, but waiting for one doesn't help you to heal, so it's better not to wait - the probability of success is too small. So stop hoping and focus on healing. It's time to take control of your own life again, have fun, enjoy yourself, meet new people and you will forget her.

 

 

 

and no, not every guy in your school have had a thing for her.. that's just the crush talking.

[Luke Skywalker]

Hay pal, you need to read my thread "How do you read this girl if you were me?", in the DATING AND SHY PEOPLE section. Read through that thread, and you will see, that you are not alone. It's on the first page still.

[Dating Coach]

i know i'm supposed to back off and move on but everytime i think bout letting her go, i start crying like hell..

and from now on in school, i know that i wont be able to look at her without a tear cuming out.

she is just the most perfect girl i've ever seen..

 

No she's not. She is no different than so many of the other girls out there. There are 3 billion women on this planet, and you just didn't happen to be in the same high school as the best girl in the world. The fact is, that there are tons of girls that you could fall head over heals for. She's just one. You feel this way because you are young, inexperienced, immature, and lack enough self confidence/self respect to be able to fully function in an adult relationship. It's true. I know because I was there too. I thought that Jennifer was THE one. When I finally got passed Jennifer I thought that Becky was great! Years later I fell hard for Kelly. There was no one like Kelly! Then I fell for Jennifer #2, Sarah, Christa, Katie, etc. Easch time I thought how great these girls where and how wonderful a relationship with them would have been.

 

I was able to fall so hard for these girls and now being a grown up person, I look at those girls and one maybe two of them would have a chance with me today. There was nothing that great about them other than their looks. Most of them were actually pretty shallow individuals but I was infatuated back then and no one could tell me anything negative about them. I was convinced they were great.

 

You're doing the same thing. Yours is no different no matter how much your inexperience tells you it is. I can search through different dating sites I go to and can find at least 50 guys who are saying the exact same thing you are about their great and wonderful crush. I can also find you 50 plus guys who have grown out of this immature phase in our lives and now realize what it is really like.

 

One of the reasons you attach yourself to this girl so strongly (besides the fact that you are physically attracted to her) is that you have a low sense of self respect. It's true. I am not saying it as an insult, but as the truth. I've been there myself, and I have worked with so many guys who have been there as well. When you finally are able to grow up, love yourself, respect yourself as an individual, and be content with just you, you would not need to attach yourself to an outside character like you are doing now. Again, start off by reading the link in my signiture-which will help explain a lot of things in the dating game, and also start to take a good long look at yourself. Why do you need to have someone? Why aren't you perfectly content with who you are? Why do you hold an equal up on this pedastle above you like she is so great and you are so low in comparison? You're an equal to this girl, and she deserves no better treatment than you deserve.

[Kevin T]

I agree wholeheartedly with Diggity. Speaking from experience, he knows his stuff. I can attest to being in a similar situation myself in times past. You see, I'd sit there and think about a certain girl (whomever my crush happened to be at the time) and fantasize about us being together over and over again. Then by the time it came for me to make a move, I'd be crushed only to find out she's taken. I was setting myself up for a fall.

 

It's not wrong to imagine how things would be, but if you let that become a regular habit, it could well just mean you're setting yourself up for disaster. Moreover, I agree with what was said about there being others. With every girl I've ever dated, crushed on, heck - even the one I was engaged to - I look back on them now and think, "What was I thinking? I could do A LOT better than that now!" And as cocky as it may sound, it's the truth. (Which is kind of why I'm baffled why the ugly ones still flock to me, but that's another topic...)

 

My point is that there are definitely other girls who would dig you for YOU, and you can do better. If she's taken, move on and find someone who ISN'T. They're out there; trust me... They're everywhere! Heck, in my one class I'm taking at the moment, there are probably 90 girls and 15 guys! Honestly. Women... single, attractive women that is, are literally everywhere. There's no such thing as a "perfect" woman; because they're all flawed. You can't expect perfection, nor can you give up just because the one you liked was taken.

 

Don't give up and keep looking.

[Dating Coach]

90 girls in one class? JACKPOT BABY! I bet there are at least 15 girls worth dating in that class.

[Kevin T]

Yeah, but I'm not sure if I'd have much chance or if they are interested, so I sit on the sidelines and see what happens. Guess what usually happens...? lol

[Markers]

ok first of all, you should take that pic down. It's not polite to bring in photos of others to this kind of thread. Besides, what if she comes and takes a look and sees her photo and figures out what's going on?

 

No matter how good she looked, she's not worth crying after. If you can't have her, then you can't have her and no use wasting time dreaming.. What comes to that pic, it's impossible to say how attractive she is by just looking at that. You see, being attractive is more than just having cute face proportions etc. and anyway dating someone just because she looks cute is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. You just have a massive crush on how she looks, it seems..

 

Now just look for someone else. The world is full of girls, it's not like she's the only good one.

 

EDIT: and yep, it's just your brain going crazy. She isn't that good looking (sorry if you happen to be reading this ).

[cant-stop-loving-her]

i dont love her just cuz of her looks... cuz over the past 2 years i've leant a lot about her and evrything is exactly what i've always wanted in a girl.. it's really hard to let go...

 

anyway, although i didnt think of it, chances arent high of her seeing this pic but i'll remove it in a couple of days..

[Dating Coach]

She's alright, but nothing to drool over. And that's just her looks. As far as her personality, I don't think you are in the best situation to judge that. You are young, inexperienced, and you are attaching yourself to someone else to be happy. When you do that it shows that you have very little independence or backbone. People like that are far more likely to try to desperately attach themselves to others-like you are doing right now. In this case I would say that I do not trust you character evaluation of this girl. Not saying that she is not good, but I definitely do not believe that there is no one else like her, not even no one else like her at your school.

 

As I said before, I think you have a lot of growing up to do. The first step would be to accept that she is not interested and move on. Easier said than done but it is the right thing to do and is the first step.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

the problem now is that although a part of me is trying to leave her behind, every morning when i wake up, my chest literally hurts so much that its hard to get up.. i really dunno what to do..

and with things like this u tend to really think bout it all again and again. Well.. the thing is I was always nervous talking to girls ESPECIALLY her, but on Monday when she told me that “nothing would be a good idea between us”, I was actually quite casual and not nervous at all.. I started the conversation by saying “hey, how r u” type of stuff and she even said oh i’m fine.. but then she’s like, “listen, I don’t think that anything would be a good idea now…” and honestly, that shocked me and all I said was “fine” and I left…

I probably shouldve said sumthin else…

And now, its hurts the most cuz the first time that I could actually talk to her without being nervous or anything, its all over…

[Markers]

well you shouldn't have talked to her at all in my opinion. Think about it, she tells you to get lost. Why you would want to waste your time after someone like that?

 

Now you know you can talk to a girl you like without getting nervous, that's great. Use it in your advantage and talk to someone else who might like you.

 

Oh and I'm sorry, but this "my chest hurts.." -stuff is getting a bit ridiculous. I would even call it a bit childish, to cling on someone that much. She is NOT the center of your life, YOU are. You gotta live your life, go for yours. And since she does not want to be part of that, you have to forget her. What she does or thinks is not your problem, so forget that. Seriously, start talking to lots of other girls and you will forget that one.

[Dating Coach]

I agree. It's clear you are young to be clinging to someone like that and talk about how hard it is to go on and how your chest has pains. When you grow up more and look back at this you will laugh at how silly you were. I did.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

Actually Diggity, after i read ur guide for successfull dating I realized that since she was the first girl i asked out and she told me in a "nice way" to back off - like u said. i took the hint... lol.., i learnt my lesson to not hurry into telling her how much i loved her and not trying to be casual first.. so next time, i'll just ask the girl out and not be too serious as i was in those letters.

When i think bout what i said in them, i guess she probably took me for a freak cuz they were TOOO serious and wacky..

[Dating Coach]

It's alright, we all do stupid things. I even did the "check yes or no" thing when I was 14. YECH!

[cant-stop-loving-her]

I know that this sounds stupid but the thing is i wont see her for 3 months after this wednesday and i was thinking that i should sumhow tell her that i'm not mad at her or anything and i havent taken this offensively.. sumthing like that.. but i dont know if i should do it or not and how?? in what way..?

 

Also, should i give her a gift like a necklace or sumthing when i tell her that... i really wanna give her sumthing... and i'll tell her that its really nothing.. just a goodbye thing... hope u guys can help cuz i dont really know what to do.. and time is really short...

[Dating Coach]

You are doing the whole "Guy gotta fix the problem" thing. Just let it go. When you dwell on this it causes drama, and girls don't like to be mixed up in drama with a guy-especially one they are not interested in. Just let it go.

[cant-stop-loving-her]

letting it go is not as easy as as it sounds and well i wont give her anything but still, i may see her in between one of the exams..

and in the l;ast week she was ignoring me sooo obviously.. and i wanna let her know b4 she leaves for the summer holidays that we can still be friends or anything but i cant stand her not meeting my eyes...

so any advice on what to say to her if i see her again....

 

thanx