Distressed! Is he toying with me?

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Okay, there is this guy I like (why do allll of my posts start like this!) We were talking online (this was about 3 weeks ago) and he ended up telling me that he liked me and I told him I liked him too. After that we kind of just cotinued on with a regular conversation. So now to present time, there have been days where its been aqward and days wee its been less aquward but its still been weird. And we still haven't talked about this since that night. I guess I should mention that i've recetnley become pretty good friends with him (last 3 or 4 months).

 

So my question is why can't we seem to talk about this? Why is he not asking me out. I know that one of his other friends likes him but when she asked him out a while ago he said no becasue he doesnt feel that way. When a mutual friend of ours was talkign to him and asked him why he hadn't asked me out yet he said he had his reasons, and said that his reason was not that he was worried abotu ruinning "our friendship". But it's not liek he can not date anyone forever for fear of hurting his friend? I was also thinking maybe not to persue this anymore because I am an aquaintacne with his friend who likes him and I don't want her to hate me becasue we get along prety well. I don't know what I should do........

 

Thanks for any perspectives you might have.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

Did he clarify how he liked you? He can like you just as friend. I have learned in my experience when a man is truly interested, he will risk the friendship. He is just not that into you. He knows how you feel so he has no reason NOT to ask you out, IMO. So, I would keep your options open with other guys. Good luck.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Thanks for the advice about keeping my options open. Yah he said he liked me "in that way" but he had also said before that he told me (like 30 minutes before) that it was always so hard dating someone in the same school beacsue of past relationships, frienshipds, and they way people talk.

[kellbell]

Well, it is my belief if he felt is was worth it, he would just for it. Maybe cut back on chatting with him for a bit because it seems you really want more and he cannot/will not give more. You are young enough to really keep your options open with others rather than get bogged down with this one guy whom will not take a chance. Good luck chica!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i don't know he said he liked you 'in that way', but doesn't want to ruin your friendship. that's kind of confusing. i understand not wanting to ruin friendship, but that's usually one of the 'let down' excuses i give to guys who i'm not interested in! i would think if someone's really interested, they will go ahead and go for it! no matter what. i know i would. and i think if this guy is interested, and is letting fear master him, then is that really someone you'd want to be involved with anyway? think about it.

[evy38]

When a guy is really interested, he leaves a woman, in no doubt, of his feelings. If you are questioning what he feels for you, then he's not feeling enough and I would start making plans to move on. Too many women accept tepid feelings from a man, thinking it will be enough or he'll love her more later. It never is and rarely happens.

[justwonderingkid]

well he could truly just be scared of comittment (i have a few friends like this), but just cut back on talking to him, still talk to him but dont sound like you'd give heaven and earth to be with him. right now maybe he knows that he can be like that and hold your interest. you have to show him that you liking him isnt just a convienence! im not a girl so i guess i cant know a few things but i definitely think that he wants to be with you if he said that.. and if we find out he doesnt then he really needs to watch what he says. best of luck to you!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well he could truly just be scared of comittment (i have a few friends like this), but just cut back on talking to him, still talk to him but dont sound like you'd give heaven and earth to be with him. right now maybe he knows that he can be like that and hold your interest. you have to show him that you liking him isnt just a convienence! im not a girl so i guess i cant know a few things but i definitely think that he wants to be with you if he said that.. and if we find out he doesnt then he really needs to watch what he says. best of luck to you!

 

Whoa... i think this should be a two way street. it seems to me like if two people like eachother, they'd BOTH let nothing stop it, especially something so petty as a 'fear of commitment'. look i fear commitment too. but if i like a guy enough, which is rare, then i'm not going to let that stop me from making my best effort. but it has to be that way with both people.

 

The OP's romantic interest has already made it clear to her that he is not going to put much into it, and that his fear of losing her friendship is a higher priority than gaining a more intimate relationship with her.

 

So my advice to smileliekyoumeanit is if you really want to stay friends, when you want more, that's up to you, but if i were you, i'd take my bat and ball and go home. he knows how to contact you, should the occasion arise that he is stronger than his fear.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Maybe everyone is right.... I think tomorrow I will talk to him when I see him and that will be the end of it. If he wants to go out then great but if he still doesn't know then maybe I should stop persuing someone that unsure. I mean if he does liek me but has a reaalllllly good reason why he hasn't asked me out yet then i'll hear him out. But if he says he has "his reasons" again then he should tell me what they are or i might write him off. I deserve to know about the things affecting my life.....

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Oh and thank you for your input everyone. If you want to coment on "my plan", please, feel free to do so. I will tell you what happens tomorrow with my lovley plan........

[kellbell]

Yes, let us know what happens. I think your plan sounds okay to me.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

I surota kinda chickened out today...... but he was really nice to me and kept making an effort to carry on the conversation and things weren't weird at all.... i guess thats a step in the right direction. I still don't know whats going on though if anything....hmm... i need to stick to my plans!