dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 My husband never approaches me anymore for cuddling sex etc, I always have to make the first move. Anymore it's always the same answer. I am tired. So and so hurts. Lately he starts Itching when I kiss him or anything else a big turn off. Then 2 nights ago he brings up what the perfect woman would be and I can guarantee he wasn't describing me. He claims he was joking, but I wonder. We have been married 16 yrs this june. Anymore any action like kissing, making love, cuddling is a chore that were going through but never what it should be. Yes we have tried counceling, yes we have tried other things as you can see from my other post if you want. But I know I feel it is no longer worth it. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Your husbands reactions are incredibly disrespectful, and if it were me, intensely upsetting. You do not have to live with someone who would do that to you. Maybe take some time to think about what a perfect life would be for you, the perfect man. Could you get it, how? Make a plan. If you feel the marriage to this man is no longer worth it then you owe it to yourself to find the life that you want. Do you have children? That could make it a more complex situation depending. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 HOW do you know your marriage is over. hmmmmm I remember asking this question of people who'd ended it. And the answer was always the same. YOU'LL KNOW. You won't have to ask. And this stuck with me. When you have exhausted all avenues, all possibilities and left no stone unturned... it'll come. You'll just know. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 we have 3 children 15g, 13g 12b to geta full understanding read my other post. I think we have reached a point in our marriage that neither of us are wanting to see what will happen. We tried the counceling before, worked a bit then ends back up where we are now. I know im pretty much where I no longer care and to stick around to make something work that it's becoming more obvious neither of us want would only do both of us more harm then good. I was 20 when i married him 10 days before my 21st birthday, he was 25. Now im 36 going on 37 and hes 42 yrs old will be 43 in october. Wanda Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 lol pet btw thats a cute cat you have there. Looks unhappy about his dunking. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 No I havent come right out and asked him. I guess I should. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 I bathe mine to when they need it. I use to have a male cat the only time he would clean himself was if you dunked him. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 I know thats the hard part. Theres many things I haven't told him which I need to. Along with a major one that will be the straw that breaks the back. I think he might know since hes getting further and further from me. Life is so darn complicated sometimes. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 The cats I have now my chihuahua can't stand to get dirty. If they don't groom themselves she is more then willling to help. I think teka the chihuahua has a obsession about grooming our cats. Link to comment
mystic angel Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 well i was married for 17yrs to my ex hubby and he started taking me for granted and always would tell me that i was going to leave him and things he was 40 than but we eventally got divorced and i remarried to a younger guy that treats me real good Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 13 yrs ago when he hit me, my friend who i always talked to that happens to be a male his parents offered for me to come up and stay with them a few days if I needed to get away. He lived in their basement. Well one thing led to another. My husband and I hadnt had sex around that time I was still recovering from a difficult pregnancy and child birth with my middle child. Well anyways I ended up pregnant which is another thing I never told my husband. Very very long difficult situation. My husband has never let on that he knows we didn't have sex around the time our youngest was concieved. Though I have no clue how he doesn't know. Our marriage problems as you can see has gone on before he hit me and i went to chicago. NO my friend and I didnt plan to have sex, and yes we used protection. I was on the pill and he used the withdraw method. But considering my husband and I didnt have sex for several months around that time. My friend is the only possible father. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 It is possible that he knows you have cheated on him in two ways: one by having sex with someone else and also by letting him think he is the father of a child who is not his. I am not sure why he would let your deception go on without calling you on it, perhaps because he loved the child and doesn't want to cause her grief. Or maybe because he is scared of losing daily contact with all his children. You seem quite ready to blame him for the breakdown in your relationship but maybe you should look at what you have done as well. Paternity fraud is no small matter. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 will you stop with the dang paternity fraud, I put in as much money in this marriage and raising kids as he has. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 and yes i blame him since hes the one who thinks fist is the answer to everything. If he had never hit me in the first place I would never have gone up to Chicago. Dn obviously you have no clue what it means to be a in a abusive situation. So can you kindly keep your darn nose out of it. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Men who hit women are wimps. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I saw your previous posts where you said he hit you once and you went off and cheated with someone else. Then you returned to him and had a child that was not his and then another one that was. The abuse that many women (and men) suffer on a daily basis is a serious matter. But when people return to the person who hit them and stay in that marriage as you have described it seems to me that you are using one incident as an excuse and the reason for everything that has gone wrong in your marriage. If, as you say, you have gone to counselling, then the reason that the counselling didn't work is that all the causes of the problems have not been addressed. If the violent incident so long ago made you dislike him and fear him so much why did you return to him and why are you so concerned now that he doesn't want sex or to cuddle with you? It's easy to get angry with me - but that won't serve you in trying to solve your current situation. And you can only do that if you address all the issues that caused it. The bottom line is that if you don't want the marriage then leave it. If you want to save it do all that is necessary to work things out in an honest and open way. In either case your child deserves to know who the real father is. Your child has done nothing to deserve being deceived. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Lets take a poll since dn thinks its the womans fault if the man hits her. Is it ok for a man to hit a woman? Is it ok for a man to hit a woman in the abdomen when shes pregnant? Is it ok for a man to try and strangle her? I don't think so, and nothing a woman ever does gives a man a right to do the above. I at least tried to stick it out, I at least tried to make this marriage work though I was on the punching end and mentally abused. So maybe im at fault for sticking it out for 13 yrs longer then I should have. Yes I was at fault for letting my emotions get the best of me and let my friend show me I was more then a punching bag. But I WILL NEVER REGRET IT. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Is there a way to ignore someone on here? Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Yes, block me. Then you won't see my posts. And of course it's not right for a man to hit a woman under any circumstance. But how about a poll about whether it is ok for a woman to deceive her husband and child about paternity. And let's have a poll about the wisdom of a woman who would return to a man who does that and then is concerned that he doesn't cuddle with her. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 DN is not saying that it is OK for a man to hit a woman. What he is saying is that you BOTH played a part in the demise of this marriage. Your husband should not have hit you, that is correct. BUT, you did not take the proper actions when he did hit you- instead of calling the police and filing a report, you went and slept with someone else, supposedly got pregnant, and came home to lie to your husband and raise a child with him that he thinks is his (which I wonder why after 12 years if he never touched you during the time you got pregnant, why he has NEVER questioned this child's paternity???) NEITHER of your actions were correct- and that is all that DN is saying, look at yourself and don't be so quick to put all the blame on your husband. and before you ask- YES I was ina seriously abusive relationship with an ex fiance for 5 years so I do know what it is like- and I still did not cheat. I left him. You also forgot to mention that you are now pursuing a man in prison with a fishy story for being there, whom you call your "soul mate" and on your other thread you admit that your marriage has long since been over and past the point of counseling. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Dont worry im not taking it to harshly yes faults lay on both end. But sorry people like dn who obvioiusly think its ok for a man to hit a woman and no matter what its their fault gets my ire up. Yes the friend knows now or will shortly about our son. It is hard enough to try and fix everthing without someone mentally abusing me on here to. Do you think it's easy to come out to a guy whos not only physically abused you but mentally and tell him you had a affair even if it was a one night stand. I am petrified at what he would do. If he can hit me in anger, try and strangle me, hit me in the abdomen when I was pregnant. Do you think honestly he will sit back and alow me to tell him that his son he always thought was his isn't. Yeah I haven't told him, do you blame me. I am not a masochist who likes to be punched. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Is there a way to ignore someone on here? go to user CP att the top of the screen Go to Contol Panel at left of screen Go to settings and options Under Miscellaneous, click on Buddy/Ignore list. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Dont worry im not taking it to harshly yes faults lay on both end. But sorry people like dn who obvioiusly think its ok for a man to hit a woman and no matter what its their fault gets my ire up. I did not say that nor did I mean that nor did I imply that. In fact I said the opposite. Link to comment
dazedandconfusedbydestiny Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 no hope and dn, you think that my husband wont hit me now. Oh yeah a person who can do all the above willl just sit idly by and not do a dang thing. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 no hope and dn, you think that my husband wont hit me now. Oh yeah a person who can do all the above willl just sit idly by and not do a dang thing. If you fear for you safety there are steps that can and should be taken- like calling the police, getting an escort out the house and filing for a restraining order. But seeing as your major complaint about this abusive husband is that he won't cuddle you- my guess is you aren't really thinking about that. What is your real question here? Do you want to save this marriage, or leave a man who abuses you and pursue the guy in jail? Link to comment
Recommended Posts