Shy guy or Mr.confident?

[your_only_one]

i was sitting at the mall yesterday afternoon, waiting for my friend and the cutest guy came along and asked me if i could humor him until his friend got to the mall...and i said sure! so he sits down ...well before he does he asks if my boyfriend is around somewhere cuz he doesn't wanna get killed lol and i told him i was single and he said that he was surprised ...so he sits down and starts talking to me about life and then i asked if he had a girlfriend and he said that he broke up with her 3 weeks ago and that he was a bit depressed ...i felt bad but happy lol and then we just talked and he told me that i have really nice eyes and then he said that he wishes he had cool eyes like mine lol and then some guy that he knew from highschool comes and starts talking to him and when he leaves this guy tells me that he thinks that guy was checking me out ...haha funny, right? well then i kept playing with my hair lol cuz i was nervous and he's like "i wish i had long hair so that i could play with it too" lol ya that made me blush ...then he asked me for my number and i gave it to him and he said that he'd send me random text messages some time ..and then i asked him for his number and he gave it to me...then before i left he's like "aww you're gonna leave me?" and i just smiled lol and then he said that he might call me 2nite just for some humor ..but he didn't call yet...

 

Anyway, i really liked this guy and he was really talkative so i felt comfortable around him but then there's the shy guy at work that doesn't make any moves or anything but i also really like him...what to do??? Who seems better to be in a relationship with?? and do y'all think that the confident guy i talked about above was hitting on me, or did he want another friend?? ...thanks!

[arwen]

Personally, but that is JUST personally (!!!) I'd go for the shy guy. From what you tell, if this happened to me, I'd think the confident guy was acting a bit 'fake' (he reminds me of the type of guys I met when I studied in Italy and went out a lot). I don't know, he comes accross a bit over the top, he doesn't even know you, it almost seems it's a regular thing for him to approach girls this way. I just wouldn't trust it.

 

But hey, I am now with a shy guy who after 2 years of having feelings for me finally found the courage to tell me. I don't know, it just meant so much more from him than from anyone that ever tried to hook up with me with many compliments or anything like that. That's just how I see it.

 

Ilse

[monsieur]

From what I've seen and of friends I've known over the years, the kind of guy that has the ability to go up to a complete stranger in a mall and start a conversation like that is also the type of guy that will do that while he is in a relationship too, and often ends up cheating or dumping many girlfriends as he goes along.

 

The shy guy on the other hand, usually becomes very devoted to one girl and would never ever hit on or make moves on another woman. If she treats him right usually he is hers forever.

 

Good luck!

[busterkeaton]

Devil's advocate here:

 

Confident guy is more likely to know how (and where) to go on a good date, what to say, when to move things along to the next level and when to end it. He (or she) is also less likely to be a bad "breaker upper", less drama and more ability to pick up the pieces and move on.

Confident guys are confident for a reason - they are sure of themselves and have high self-esteem.

 

Shy guy might be insecure, needy, clingy. He may act all awkward around you or just plain old "never get around to asking you out at all". Shy guy might be a bad breakup (when/if it comes to that). His lack of experience may mean you will have to take the lead more than you wish to do.

Shy guys, well some of them are ticking time bombs of frustration and the "living lives of quiet desperation" variety

 

Naturally there are exceptions to all these (so please don't flame me people). It really depends on what you are looking for in a b/f.

[your_only_one]

gosh...everything that you all have said all seems to be so true now i'm confused lol Yeah, the shy guy is never going to ask me out, i know it ...and the confident guy may talk to every single girl, you never know ...i don't know...i'll go out with the confident guy and see how it goes, although i may feel more comfortable on a date with him since i'm kinda shy, he'll do most of the talking ...and the shy guy on the other hand will not make the first move, take the lead, or talk much...i really like them both...it's hard but i think i'm starting to feel that i've tried too hard trying to get the shy guy to ask me out and i've given him too many easy chances and he still hasn't tried anything...and then there's the confident guy and he came soo easy! he was so open and upfront about everything and i only knew him for one hour and he already asked me out ...see what i mean? the confident guy is easier!!

[Invicta]

I think the reason you can't make a decision is because you don't know enough about either of these people. The best plan is to hang out with them both as friends. It seems silly that you can decide which one you plan to date based solely on shy / confidant. But that's just me

[monsieur]

reading the conclusions of this thread has made me a little bit more sad and depressed

[monsieur]

let me expand on my last post, I am that shy guy type, I will be awkward on the first few dates.

 

If we do break up, I am not a bad breaker upper, I will just slink away and wallow in my own sorrow.

 

I have so much love to give, and when given attention and love from someone I like I give so much back. You can call it needy, but I love to communicate and be thinking and in the thoughts of the one I love. I would never ever cheat on a girl. I would hardly even give her even a tiny bit of worry of that.

 

I have experience, but I am still shy and still like it when the girl takes the lead, that is just part of my personality.

[Dating Coach]

Personally, but that is JUST personally (!!!) I'd go for the shy guy. From what you tell, if this happened to me, I'd think the confident guy was acting a bit 'fake'

 

Granted the guy didn't have much flare, and he did have cheesy lines, but the guy at least let her now his interest in her, so there is no confusion there. Two, he was outgoing and made her feel at ease.

 

As far as the shy guy, she gave NO details on him yet you choose him. Kinda silly don't ya think?

 

This is why women confuse the heck out of men. You answer to the situation is confusing and doesn't make much sense because we know NOTHING about guy #2 except that he is shy.

 

Guy1 may have had cheesy lines but he was friendly, outgoing, and made conversation easy for her. Plus he isn't wasting her time or sending confusing messages to her. apparently the body language worked well too since she seems to be interested.

 

My advice would be to proceed with Guy#1 but be careful because he could be a player. Take it slow but sounds good so far.

[Dating Coach]

From what I've seen and of friends I've known over the years, the kind of guy that has the ability to go up to a complete stranger in a mall and start a conversation like that is also the type of guy that will do that while he is in a relationship too, and often ends up cheating or dumping many girlfriends as he goes along.

 

The shy guy on the other hand, usually becomes very devoted to one girl and would never ever hit on or make moves on another woman. If she treats him right usually he is hers forever.

 

Good luck!

 

Monsieur, that is bull. That's like me saying, guys who play football are players because the few football players I know are not good to women. It makes no sense. Plus, you yourself are shy so you are trying to favor the shy guy. Nothing from this conversation said that this guy was a player so you are not being fair to this guy to accuse him of this or discourage her from talking to him.

[Dating Coach]

to elaborate more on the previous post, the guy didn't even have much game. He did enough things right to keep her interest but a very good conversationalist doesn't just talk about himself and his interests, but gets you talking about yours and is interested.

[monsieur]

but Dogg, you are just as guilty of making the decision based on knowing nothing about the shy guy too?

 

So you are saying the shy guys that are awkward and not having game are an automatic bad choice.

 

I still disagree and think that the shy awkward guys can make extremely good devoted boyfriends.

 

The outgoing confident guy with game might be a better bet for a quick one night stand with no emotional attachment though, I would agree with that.

[Dating Coach]

I'm not saying that shy guys aren't worth dating, but in comparison if one guy is letting you know where he stands and what he wants, but the other guy is being captain difficult, then proceed with the person being upfront and honest.

[busterkeaton]

Ok, I'm wading back into this thread. I used to be shy. It sucked. I watched outgoing or even regular guys get ahead. Not just with women but everywhere. For a long time, the only women I ever dated were super aggresive ones who went chasing after me. This caused all kinds of problems in the relationship. I'm not saying the guy has to have the "upperhand" but he sure as heck needs some kind of hand.

I am far more outgoing now and it changes everything. I choose who I date (or ahem try to date I should say), not get chosen. That makes a big difference. It makes all the difference I would say.

 

Shy will get you no-where buddy. If you can't be outgoing then fake it!

 

If you guys think this guy is a player because he talked to a stranger in a shopping mall then, how exactly is one supposed to meet people - aren't they all strangers at some point?

 

My advice to the original poster. Give confidence guy a chance and watch for other signs that he's a player. Maybe that day in the mall he had his "game on" and was in a friendly mood, maybe he's shy underneath and knows what he has to do to meet people.

[tylercdurden2004]

but Dogg, you are just as guilty of making the decision based on knowing nothing about the shy guy too?

 

So you are saying the shy guys that are awkward and not having game are an automatic bad choice.

 

I still disagree and think that the shy awkward guys can make extremely good devoted boyfriends.

 

The outgoing confident guy with game might be a better bet for a quick one night stand with no emotional attachment though, I would agree with that.

 

this makes no sense what so ever. First off just cause someone is outgoing doesnt make them a "player" , and at the end of the day it is ultimately the womans choice how far she goes with him. I am seeing more and more that you continue to view women as robots who cannot make choices for themselves. As for the shy guy, exactly what DD was taking about. Nothing is known about him because he does not reveal himself. Its not up to the girl to bring that out in him, thats an extremely unfair expectation of a woman. Its up to the shy guy to let the girl know that he is interested. If it means working on your confidence than do it. SHy guys can make great BF as can outgoing guys. Buts its a first come first serve world out there and if you dont speak up you will never be heard.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

and he said that he broke up with her 3 weeks ago, and that he was a bit depressed ...

 

No one else noticed that?

[monsieur]

this makes no sense what so ever. First off just cause someone is outgoing doesnt make them a "player"

 

 

true, but it is a guarantee with the shy guy that he is for sure not a "player"

[tylercdurden2004]

true, but it is a guarantee with the shy guy that he is for sure not a "player"

Huh? Whats the logic behind that? Can you explain?

[monsieur]

isn't it impossible to be a shy player? being a player is kind of by definition a guy that hits on alot of women and won't think twice about having more than one relationship going on at a time and dropping one girl for the next over and over... I guess maybe it is possible to be that even if you are shy, but not likely to actually achieve any of it

[tylercdurden2004]

isn't it impossible to be a shy player? being a player is kind of by definition a guy that hits on alot of women and won't think twice about having more than one relationship going on at a time and dropping one girl for the next over and over... I guess maybe it is possible to be that even if you are shy, but not likely to actually achieve any of it

 

First off mate having more than one girlfriend and not caring about either is quite different from being outgoing.

 

Heres the logic: Yes most players are outgoing. Most outgoing guys are however not players.

 

Again its up to the woman in this case the OP to decide how far the relationship goes and she should not do anything that is uncomfortable or against her morals. Its HER decision. This guy may or may not be a player but it is up to her to figure out if he is or not. He has at least made it clear he is interested in her. He is being honest about his interest, its now up to her to ask the questions that answer what she needs and feels important in the relationship. Its not however upto her to try and figure out IF a guy is interested in her. Do yuo think she has some magical abilities, possibly mind reading? Again quit viewing women as mindless robots who cannot think for themselves.

 

You have been told umpteen times on here about your views from both men and women. Why is it so hard for you to take all that in and deal wiht it?

[monsieur]

you've got me all wrong, I don't think of women as robots that can't think for themselves, I prefer aggressive intelligent women

 

and I didn't say all outgoing guys are players, I just said that all players tend to be outgoing

 

sorry for getting in these silly arguments

 

looking back at the original posters comments, a thought came to my mind

"things in life worth having don't always come easily"

 

sure, the outgoing guy would be the easier route to take for her by a long way, but it may be possible that the shy more difficult guy might be the real gem that she could be missing

[Dating Coach]

Or maybe the outgoing guy is. At least HE is working with her to find out. Or maybe she isn't into a guy who is so shy that he makes her do all of the work.

[your_only_one]

lol true DiggityDogg...it's kinda not cool when the girl has to do all the work and the shy guy shows no interest

[yeawutever]

If I were you, I would say go for the shy guy. The first one seem kinda superficial and can be a fake, just doens't happen too fast. He's got to know you more. With a shy one, he'll listen and not be criticizing you, shy guys are really careful and they tend to be afraid of hurting people's feeling.

[tylercdurden2004]

If I were you, I would say go for the shy guy. The first one seem kinda superficial and can be a fake, just doens't happen too fast. He's got to know you more. With a shy one, he'll listen and not be criticizing you, shy guys are really careful and they tend to be afraid of hurting people's feeling.

 

Nope. Read my post titled Is my Horsey Really Dead..... Shy people are not more honest.