Trust issues bringing me down

[suicidal_angel]

Hey well i do have an active account on here but there is some things i dont want my old friends to know. Well see i am suicidal and at this very moment life seems so unbearable im about ready to give up. I have spoken to only one person about just how bad it is, just one person. But still i cant open up to them. Im so scared of getting hurt, im scared of even my very best friend who is like a sister. I dont trust anyone. My friends have told me they no longer even try to talk to me because they no i wont tell them anything. One of my great friends told me that she can only joke when shes around me or talk about her problems because if we get to close to my life i just put up some sort of wall. Which is true. Im making others feel like failed friends and no matter how bad that makes me feel i still cant talk to them. My cuttings getting worse and i know that soon i'll give up if i dont get the help i need, yet how can i get help if i wont talk???? Please does anyone have an ideas on how to get over this???

[Beyondthesea]

Just bite the bullet and talk to someone, whether it be a counselor, friend, or relative. You have to muster up the courage and do it hon, no one is going to do it for you.

 

This is a test for you in your life, and you can get past it. Suicide is always a permanent solution to temporary problems in life. Remember that.

 

It's ok to cry, it's ok to be upset when you talk to someone. They love you and want to help you...try to let them.

[avman]

Like Beyondthesea mentioned, you need to talk to someone. It doesn't matter who. Pick a friend. A counselor. A relative. Or someone on the forum. The only way to get past whatever your issues might be is to talk about them and let them out. Keeping them bottled up inside is what drives you to that dark place.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This is the worse thing you'll ever go through, a desire to take your own life. So if you make it through this, you KNOW you can do anything else.

 

Definitely talk to somebody. If talking feels too hard, maybe write down some feelings (could just be in bullet points, don't worry about sentences or whatever) and give them to somebody you trust on a bit of paper, as a starting point.

 

Don't think too far ahead, this seems daunting when one is suicidal. Instead, just think about tomorrow. Make a short To Do list and focus on what you are going to do tomorrow, do that, only then think about the next day.

 

It's always hard to have friends/a social life when you feel like this - I know. What I do when I have a particularly bad phase when I can't go out is send my closest friends a short email saying I value them and love them, but I can't really function right now, and I hope to see them soon.

 

They understand - that's why I choose them as friends.

 

The people here are also good to talk to.

[Lita43]

Honey, I hope you're ok and just want to let you know that there are people who care that you can talk to. My oldest daughter is 23 and a mother of 4 beautiful children who used to self mutilate because she was forced to live with my ex-husband. I myself tried committing suicide a couple of times in my life, but "Thank God" it was a failure, since I have more blessings in my life than I can count. What looks so dark to you now will be something in the past, as long as you can dig down deep inside and have faith!!! You would do yourself alot of good to talk to a councelor, but money matters could be an issue. Don't feel shame for having problems, because everybody does. Do you think your friends don't or won't understand what your feelings are and judge you? I won't, because I've been through pretty much everything in my life and can say that it's more than possible to be happy. Most people won't touch on the subject of suicide, but I'm afraid for you and not of you and will never judge you. You can talk to me anytime and I will especially take all of the time in the world to check on you, ok??? Write back public or private, I'm here!!!! I'll be praying for you, so just hang on!!!!

[coollady1957]

I agree that you should talk to someone. I think if you find some one you feel comfortable with ,that once you start getting the ball rolling and letting your feelings out ,that it will come easier to you to talk about things.

 

Here on the forum no one is going to judge you or make fun of you about your life issues. There are many people here that go through everything from minor daily life issues to horrible almost unbearable issues.

 

For a long time my life was great, and then a bit over two years ago my life fell apart. I have been through so much, that you hardly imagine some one's life taking the turn that mine did. It has been like a domino affect of one thing after another.

 

I can understand the feelings of just wanting to give up, and like there is no use to try anymore. I never had the suicidal feelings, but I have had times where I wanted to throw my hands up and just become a hermit in life and forget everything else around me. It has been a struggle but I keep rolling alone, and I feel that YOU can do that too. I am here if you ever want to talk , just PM me or email me.

 

I am certain there are alot of people here that are willing to hear what you have to say.

[suicidal_angel]

Thanks guys. I can't talk to anyone this w/e but i will try soon. I might do as several people have suggested and write a letter. I hope i can do this!

[Spugly Fuglet]

I'm with most who posted here, you need to find some one to open up to.

Some one who knows how to help. If not that write down whats running throw your head, keep a diry then when you find help it will help you say what needs to be said.

 

Locking your self away inside your self will only mean more pain in the long run, its best to get it out to some one you trust and who news how to help.

[suicidal_angel]

Well i dont know how much more i can stand... Im all messed up! I dont know why im writing this really. I know it wont help. But i just wish something could stop my pain. Oh well thanks everyone! Love always rozi!

[Lita43]

Hi Honey,

I came to check and see how you were doing and it's not sounding so good, but I'm here, we're here to take you by the hand and help you.

Just reach out and the pain will start to go away, I promise!

There aren't any judges here and there's not anything that you may have done in your life that would shock me or make me feel anything but a love for one of God's children.

We are all God's children and deserve all of the Love and Happiness in this world.

Do you know that "FEAR" is your worst enemy?

What do you have to lose if you push your fear away and give trust a chance?

Could you lose any more of yourself than you have lost now? The answer would be NO sweetie!!!

I'm just asking that you please give it a chance, because it will release this demon of pain that is eating you up alive.

I know what I'm saying, cuz I've been there done that!!!

Now if I would have been successful in either of my 2 attempts at a young age, I wouldn't have been so blessed to have 7 really awesome kids or be here to help you get through this too!!!!

After growing up with an abusive father and getting married to my first husband that was just as abusive, I learned what I wasn't going to do to my kids and had to break the cycle.

I Love my kids so much and they can talk to me about anything at anytime and they do!

We have so much fun and even cook together, play games, watch Dr. Phil and Oprah together.

My second husband is such an Angel and has also been a great support/Dad for my older 4 kids that had some problems from my ex whom I still think is the son of the devil!

My oldest daughter was cutting on herself at the age of 12 and even though my only option at that time was to have her hospitalized, I fear she would have gone through with it if she went home with her father.

The courts wouldn't listen to me and kept forcing my kids back, so I've been through quite alot over the years.

Another one of my older one's OD'd and I had to have her hospitalized too and it was only out of my Love for them that it was necessary.

Finally after all the years of pain that I went through for my kids sake, I'm happy to report that all is good with them now.

My oldest is married with 4 beautiful kids and is happy in her life and the one that OD'd is in her 3rd year of college and doing great too!

All 14 of us get together for holiday's and cookouts in the summer. It is pure joy!!!

You can have it all too hon, but you have to trust. Trust me!!!

Please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just give of yourself and you will get more back than you could possibly know.

Take a nice long breath and plung in! It's really not as hard as you think and so worth it!

Let me know how you're doing PM or on the site, ok?

I'll be saying prayers for you and you are not alone.

 

Hugs, Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "A Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

[Moon Goddess]

Suicidal angel,

I know exactly how you feel, I am going thru the same thing. But you can always take a break, think how far you can trust them. Remember they are your friends and they just want to help. Don't be afraid to open up to others, sometimes you might get hurt but think about this what if you don't get hurt and everything goes good.

 

Don't be afraid to trust others, they only want to help you, Reach out don't be afraid to take that step.

 

~Luv Always MG

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I know MG i know. But its actually doing something thats the problem. Everything is going so bad lately and i can't shake that down feeling. I just want the pain to stop you know... I just want to be ok. But i'm not and i have to talk it out but how when the few people i want to talk to don't care enough???