We talked......

[Meeky]

Talked to my ex of three weeks for about two hours last night. So much for no contact. I KNOW it is the best thing to do, that I need to put space between us in order to heal and move on, but it is hard.

 

Quick recap. We broke up three weeks ago (were together 2 years and lived together for the last 8 months). He says he can't be open and honest with me and doesn't know what he wants (in terms of me, in life, job, everything). I said I can't be with someone who can't be open and honest. So he moved out and moved in with his mum, I stayed in the flat. I moved out last Friday and shifted back to my home town. We saw each other on the Wednesday. He texted me both on Thursday and Friday asking to see me before I left. I refused. So we had no contact since Thursday. However, as he was staying in the city, he had the appointment with the landlord to check the flat in order to get out bond back. He texted me Monday telling me the landlord was being an a*se and causing problems. I have a friend who is a lawyer, so I knew the landlord didn't have a leg to stand on. So, I ended up calling the landlord, and sorting it out (after talking to the ex as well).

 

During our conversation he tried to get friendly and ask how I was. I refused, and kept it business-like. It was SO hard. Anyway, after sorting it, I felt stink. Like I had gone back to square one. Hearing his voice just makes it feel so horrible all over again and I miss him.

 

Monday night he calls me to tell me what is happening with the bond (he has to fax me some paperwork) and we talk about the last bills etc. He tries again to small talk. I give in.

 

We end up talking for two and a half hours. About general stuff, but about us as well. He keeps telling me how much he misses me and loves me. BUT won't do anything about it. So I don't know whether all his talk is just that. Talk. If he really loved me that much, he would move mountains to be with me, even though I am in another city. But he is "unsure". About me, about everything in his life. And I refuse to wait around for someone who is unsure.

 

BUT I still cling to the hope. I hope he will realise that he has made a big mistake by letting me go. He probably won't, I know. But it is what I hope for. I hate it. I hate thinking about it so much, and missing him, and this stage of the whole thing. I have to let go, I have to move on. And I am trying. I have moved away, I start training for a new job next week (which I hope will be a big distraction), but I still think too much and wonder too much.

 

The great "He's just not that into you" book says that of course he misses me. But the only reason he gets to miss me is cause he is choosing everyday not to be with me. I think that is a great quote and probably very true. SO, why is it that I can't let go???????

 

I need to cut him out of my life and have absolutely no contact anymore. I know this. So I have changed my phone number. I hope that will stop me WAITING for him to contact me, as much as me getting upset by his (infrequent) texts.

 

I don't understand why he does it though. Why say those things? I guess he is just trying to be the "nice guy". The one who is hurt too. And he wants to do the "friends" thing. He is friends with all his exs, and it is his worst nightmare for someone NOT to like him.

 

Sorry to ramble. I am just at such a confusing place right now. All over the place emotion wise, and I feel very screwed up.

[Meeky]

Hasn't anyone got any advice?????

[ut_longhorn]

maintain NC. you must truly let him go. if he knows that you will be there anytime he wants you to be there...there is no reason for him to worry about loosing you. i think he needs to know that there is a real chance of loosing you forever before he can really get worried.