Friends or are we something more?

[itsuss]

Basically, she is my ex.. we went out for a little less than a year and ended it with her saying we should be friends. The break up was a little hard on me and I made some stupid decisions with her pushing herself even further away.

 

With this in mind, we broke a part and we both started to see different people. She is not aware of my relationship but I am aware of hers. Now, after a few months of NC on my part and I guess hers she decides to contact me. She asks me to call her and that maybe we could get together.

 

What should I take of this? Does she want to be just friends hoping the awkwardness of our previous relationship to be gone or maybe something more?

 

The relationship ended with it being obvious that I was still into her which is maybe why she pushed herself away because it wasn't working. With me starting my new career I do not want this situation to be a barrier on my success.

 

Thanks in advance for the replies and sorry about the length.

[bobo85]

I think when she said "get together" it means to catch up. Have some nice conversation and let each other in on whats been going on in each other's lives. Just be friendly showing no emotionally attatchment towards her.

 

But usually when an ex calls you out of the blue after several months it either means:

 

a) They want to see if you still have feelings for them.

 

b) They regret the breakup and might want to start things up again. (they might not even know they are doing this, but sometimes they just get a feeling)

 

c) They want to be rude and tell you how happy they are for leaving you.

 

d) They believe enough time has passed and they want to begin a friendship with you. Be careful because ex's can never be normal friends.

 

Its your job to evaluate which one of those it is.

[itsuss]

Im not denying that im still into her. I dont want to be just friends with her; but will that the only route for me to start off with? or should I make it obvious I still am into her?

[metro23]

I myself would say play it cool, but be careful not to slip into the friend zone

[itsuss]

sorry if I keep asking questions but how would I keep myself out of the "friend zone"

[bobo85]

By not just hanging out with her for the sake of hanging out with her. If you want to be with her...each gathering should be a date like atmosphere. Its either love or hate. You either dont contact each other at all or start things again. In the beginning you can just be friendly...dont take anything too seriously, laugh, joke, have fun. But if she's not showing any romantic interest in you, do NC.

[itsuss]

how long should I wait before I contact her? Its been 4 now since she contacted me and she told me phone her.

[Daddy Bear]

what did she say when she talked about getting together now?

 

Basically, she is my ex.. we went out for a little less than a year and ended it with her saying we should be friends.

what do you think are the chances of that happening again?

[itsuss]

we didn't talk about getting back together.. she said that "we should do something" and that I "should call her".

 

I believe ive gained in experience and I wont make the same mistakes as before. But im scared that her saying we should be friends might happen again. Maybe she doesnt want to try again and just wants to be friends? I have no idea.

 

What should I take of this? her trying to contact me all of asudden?

[Jhodas]

I'm friends with some of my exes. It takes time to build a friendship from a relationship (took me a year) but its possible.

 

If you want to be more than 'just friends', I suggest you seriously evaluate why you broke up in the first place.

 

The fact that you're still into her makes me think you need some more time without her in your life, time to move on.

 

She may just be being friendly, in which case you're gona put yourself through a whole lot of hurt.

[itsuss]

what do you mean shes just trying to be friendly? Just making conversation just to be nice? I dont know if thats true, I think by me stopping contact with her it made it clear to her that I didnt want to talk to her so I dont think she felt the need to be friendly in any way? Do you

[Jhodas]

I mean she may be simply trying to be friends. She may be trying to be civil with you, so that the two of you are on good terms. It's possible she wants you back, but I wouldnt get your hopes up.

[Daddy Bear]

it's impossible to know for sure at this point exactly why she contacted you or what she wanted. it might be best to be ready with a good plan B, in case it doesn't turn out like you hope.

[itsuss]

k thanks for the honesty.

[Momene]

I'd meet her but keep an open mind without either presupposing you'll get back together or not.