mom doesn't belive me when i tell her i was sexually harrassed as a child...

[Cellisia]

alright i need help plz, right now a lot of it bc i'm confused and pretty mad at my mother, you see i've kept a secret from her and from everyone, a big one to me, when i was nine, long story but i'll make it short, i went to work with my gramma and i met this guy there, he was about 11 and he ended up telling me some **** to make me afriad and then proceeded to "feel me up" b4 telling me to take off my close, i ran out b4 that could happen, i dont know why i didn't run in the first place i was crying like the whole time but i guess i was just frozen in place, from then i wasn't the same so to say, i'm afriad of guys, i even broke up with my first and only bf bc i was actually afriad of him when i know i shouldn't have, but yeah that was the first and major time, sure other things have happened over the yrs but i stopped it from getting to what happened to me when i was 9, i never had told my mom b4 about a few weeks ago when i was extremly depressed and it just came out, sure she hugged me and i felt better but then she told me that it wasn't any form of sexual harrasment or assalt or molestation, she said on quopte "that happened to me when i was just a bit younger than u were, it's just like playing doctor he didn't know what he was doing" i mean to me bull **** he didn't know what he was doing!!! he was 11 yrs old at the time i would think he knows what he was doing so i got really pissed and mad at my mom bc first on top of that she didn't even believe me, then she tells me it's no big deal that it's just playing doctor, i got really screwed up from that, i'm afriad of guys, wont go near any guy doctors even and i might even b walking in my school hallway, a guy'll look at me and i'l freak out and start shaking, i know the really bad time it only happened once but i mean doesn't that count as anything other than "playing doctor?" i widsh my mom could understand me i mean god she said it happened to her but then again she let it happen, she didn't care, she let it happen and thought it was nothing when i and apparently my grandmother, her mother lol has a different view, i never told any other family member but am i the wrong one??? this screwed me up so much, i have depression pretty badly and this makes it worse especially now that i got it all out, isn't it supposed to feel relief and better??? it made me even more mad, more upset and i'm still the same way with guys, on top of that i'm confused, was it all really nothing???is what happened to me really nothing and even if i had told somone nothing would b done and it was really like my mom said "playing doctor" i mean god she told me never to let anyone touch me and then it happeneds and she says it was ok, that it was nothing i mean god what the hell!!! so yeah if u guys know what to exactly call it, i'm just trying to make myself sure that i'm right witht his, i know i wont get my mother compassion and understanding like i wanted but was she right in telling me it was nothing???

[itsallgrand]

Hi Cellisia.

You sound pretty upset at your mum right now. That's understandable. You shared with her something important, and she didn't receive it the way you had hoped.

I can't say what happened back then, but the important thing is that it was upsetting and felt wrong to you. I'm sure your mum did not intend on making you feel this way - perhaps she just didn't know what to say. Mums love us a lot but are human too. Sometimes they make mistakes.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so badly and are feeling that way around guys. It's not fun - I know.

 

I hear you. I hope things look up for you soon!