sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Hi, I have a question about promise rings. Basically, I want know if it's common for a guy to wear a ring on his left ring finger if he's with a woman. I know that girls sometimes wear rings to show that they are taken, even if they are not yet engaged or married. But do men? I'm not talking junior high school stuff. Thanks. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Um, it is pretty uncommon. I've seen guys wearing rings that their girlfriends gave them, but I don't think that they advertised it as a "promise ring." I think it's a personal choice. Hmmm.... now when I think about it.... I only know one man who wears a ring that his gf gave him for christmas, but he wears it on his right hand. All the rest went ringless until they got married. Even the guys I know who are engaged or in very long term relationships - they don't wear "promise rings." I think your girfriend is making stuff up. Bottom line: If you don't want you, don't wear it! Link to comment
bobo85 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I feel a 28 year old man shouldn't get a women a promise ring. Promise rings are for couples between the ages of 14-22. At age 28, the only ring you should get her is an engagement ring. However, when i was in a relationship my ex-gf and i bought each other promise rings and yes i wore mine almost everyday on the right ring finger. Link to comment
MewSkitty Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 It was my idea for the promise rings, not my GF's, so it's not only the wemon that give them to their mates. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I agree with bobo. Promise rings are basically for younger people who are "promising" to get married once they are a little older, finish school, etc. At 28.... I don't see a need for a promise ring either. An engagement ring is what you give if you are promising to marry her, and you wear your wedding ring once the blessed event occurs. Link to comment
melrich Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I've never heard of it or seen it but it may be different in the US. I don't see the point...why not just get engaged? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I think the girlfriend wants to "advertise" that he is off the market, even though they aren't married. Is she maybe a bit insecure? Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Well, maybe I shouldn't have called it a "promise ring" in the first place, because that sounds juvenile, but that's what she called it when I took issue with the whole thing. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 ah ha.... so, it's in the celebrity gossip mags!!! Of course, it must be true!!! ummm... I would have to say, maybe about 1 in 100 men I know wear a promise ring or "engagement ring" before they are married on their left hand. Link to comment
melrich Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I think she is taking you for a ride. The only people I have ever seen wear a ring on their wedding finger are married people. Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 I think the girlfriend wants to "advertise" that he is off the market, even though they aren't married. Is she maybe a bit insecure? You're right about that: she is very insecure, and she definitely wants me to appear off the market. She doesn't even like me interacting with women on a friendly level. It's becoming a problem in our 3-year relationship Link to comment
melrich Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Oh Sirkin I remember your post from yesterday. What's going on? You want out of this and she wants you to wear a ring on your wedding finger! Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Well, it's something I mentioned in my post yesterday (I think). I took issue with her expectation of me wearing a ring on my left hand. We discussed, and she convinced me (cause I'm a sucker) that it's not uncommon at all. I wanted to know everyone's opinion on this. I've been reflecting a lot on our discussion yesterday, and I'm really nervous about spending the weekend w/ her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 ah ha. so her insecurity is at the root of this. I can't imagine giving a ring to a man. I'm not that kind of girl. I would rather buy him a stereo or something - I think he would like it better than a ring. anyways.... I think she is trying to "force" her way into marrying you, or at least "forcing" the engagement. 3 years.... why haven't you married her yet? (I'm not saying it to be mean or interrogating...) I'm just sort of asking if you are unsure about her and the relationship. do you want to marry her one day? Link to comment
bobo85 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Discuss with each other what the promise ring means to each other. Then make the decision of wearing it or not. Link to comment
bobo85 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 ah ha. so her insecurity is at the root of this. I can't imagine giving a ring to a man. I'm not that kind of girl. I would rather buy him a stereo or something - I think he would like it better than a ring. anyways.... I think she is trying to "force" her way into marrying you, or at least "forcing" the engagement. 3 years.... why haven't you married her yet? (I'm not saying it to be mean or interrogating...) I'm just sort of asking if you are unsure about her and the relationship. do you want to marry her one day? Agreed 100% At age 28 you shouldn't be involved with a woman longer than 1 year if you don't plan on getting married. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 well.... as for the gossip mags.... when you are brad pitt or orlando bloom, plenty of jewlers give discounts or give away jewlery so that they'll wear it and it will get photographed and be in all the magazines. and when you are dating a famous actress, they have more than enough money to throw around that they don't know what to do for it. Sure! buy a lavish ring for your boyfriend! Buy a diamond tiara for your pet dog! Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 3 years.... why haven't you married her yet? (I'm not saying it to be mean or interrogating...) I'm just sort of asking if you are unsure about her and the relationship. do you want to marry her one day? Well, she is putting pressure on me to get engaged - it's very complicated. Link to comment
melrich Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Agreed 100% At age 28 you shouldn't be involved with a woman longer than 1 year if you don't plan on getting married. I don't want to hijack this thread but WHAT!!! I'm 36, been with my partner 6 years, 2 kids, not married. This is the problem with generalistaions and value projections. Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 I don't want to hijack this thread but WHAT!!! I'm 36, been with my partner 6 years, 2 kids, not married. This is the problem with generalistaions and value projections. I know what you mean - marriage was never a priority for me, and still isn't. I never felt the need to have the state sanctify my love life. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 On the ring issue, if your gonna get married get an engagement ring, a promise ring is somethig you get from those $0.25 machines at the mall. Marriage is not some 12 step program, or..... maybe it is. Shes insecure to nth degree do you really want to be with someone like that. It doesnt sound like you are from what you have said so I say no go. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I don't necessarily see a need for a very strict timeline, but I would hope that after 3 years, a man would have a general idea of whether or not he wanted to marry me one day or not (whether by law or in spirit). but, yeah, sirkindirkin, I read your previous post - and YIKES! I think you should follow your heart and leave the relationship. I really agree with melrich's advice on that thread. I think he was right on. Basically, if you know that she's not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, you are better breaking it off sooner rather than later. I think she senses that you aren't crazy about her and she's grasping at straws, and is trying to keep you with this whole "promise ring" thing. She's trying to make you propose to her. Silly woman. I think she'd have a better chance at keeping you with a stereo. Anyways.... you know in your heart she is not the one for you. If she is restricting your lifestyle, and you sound pretty unhappy.... I think it is best to leave. I agree - don't give into emotional blackmale. She should not blame her selection of PhD program on you. Afterall, she can still transfer to another school if the current school bothers so much. It was her choice to move - you did not propose to her, so you don't have any obligation. I would never move for a man unless he were my husband or fiance. Yeah... I'm sorry. I know it will be hard, but it will be easier to break things off now rather than years from now. Link to comment
sirkindirkin Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Yeah, it's true that I'm very unhappy. I was just reading a thread (this enotalone is addicitive) about some lady that can't help but always think the grass will be greener on the other side, but I don't think that is my situation. We have real differences, and it is taking a toll on me. I'm having a difficult time trying to be social because of the isolated nature of our relationship. Somehow, it is almost like a cult. Also like a cult though, I find it so impossible to leave. She puts a lot of pressure on me to say what she wants to hear - not deliberately, but if I talk about ambivalent feelings about us, I know the consequences will be severe (i.e., she becomes very upset). I read all this stuff about breaking up, but it's so hard to imagine myself actually getting the strength to do it... Link to comment
bobo85 Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I don't want to hijack this thread but WHAT!!! I'm 36, been with my partner 6 years, 2 kids, not married. This is the problem with generalistaions and value projections. I know many people are raised with different morals and beliefs. I'm just saying after one year of dating exclusively you should know if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with or not. If not then you should end it because the longer you wait the harder its going to be. In this man's case after 3 years of dating the same women he should know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her or not. Link to comment
melrich Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 In this man's case after 3 years of dating the same women he should know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her or not. Yeah I did know what you were getting at. And I don't really disagree, after a year or 3 you probably should know what's possible and what's not. Just remember though, knowing that in the present is no guarrantee of the future ....AND..not everyone sees marriage as the end game. Cheers Link to comment
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