Low sex drive is killing my releationship

[nikkers04]

So I WAS one of the lucky ones....my ex came back...but its going no where.

 

He gets mad at me because I dont want to have sex with him...he doens't understand I dont want to have sex with anyone...I dont' get turned on easily and not very often do I even enjoy sex. When i'm not turned on sex is hurtful both physically and mentally.

He wants to have sex everynight pretty much and i'd be happy with sex once a year....ANY SUGGESTIONS?

 

Thanks

[RayKay]

So I WAS one of the lucky ones....my ex came back...but its going no where.

 

He gets mad at me because I dont want to have sex with him...he doens't understand I dont want to have sex with anyone...I dont' get turned on easily and not very often do I even enjoy sex. When i'm not turned on sex is hurtful both physically and mentally.

He wants to have sex everynight pretty much and i'd be happy with sex once a year....ANY SUGGESTIONS?

 

Thanks

 

Have you always been this way? If yes, you may be asexual, or simply incompatible with one another in that realm, and I don't think it's fair to expect him to live with it, nor is it fair for you to go against your wishes either. Time to part ways in that case. He probably feels it is rejection, and it is painful to him.

 

Are you on the pill, or any other hormonal birth control or medications? These can often greatly alter a woman's libido either suddenly or gradually.

 

Are you happy in the relationship? Comfortable with yourself sexually? If not, these can play a big role in how you view sex, and how sexual you feel.

[jabele]

Hi Nikkers,

 

I share your problem...I have an extremely low sex drive and rarely think about having sex - its just not my priority.

 

I'm interested to know -- do you masterbate at all? I know its a personal question, but I'm just wondering...

 

For myself, I feel that I can do those things on my own, but when another person is involved, I just don't have interest -- and thats with anyone.

[Jjasonn28]

He probably feels it is rejection, and it is painful to him.

 

I agree, if infact he knows your feelings? Make sure he knows 100% how you feel, and reassure him that its not him making you feel this way.

 

I was in a similar situation, and I too was hurt by the 'rejection'. Well, turns out she wasn't rejecting me, she was rejecting the act in general. Had I known this, it could have possibly saved a relationship - eliminating the tension and awkwardness associated with getting close to her. If she would have told me how she felt, I would have been perfectly fine with it as I love her for who she is.

 

If you love him, you owe it to him and yourself to communicate how you feel about it. And honestly, if he has a problem with it, then you ought to re think the relationship. It is possible to express yourself physically without the act of intercourse...

[DN]

Have you sought any professional help over this? If not, I suggest you do because, as RayKay says, it is unfair to expect someone with a normal sex drive to curtail it that much.

 

The chances are slim that you would find another partner who would be happy with that amount of sex - so I think you need to get some help.

[Iceman26]

I agree with RayKay & DN, unless you wouldn't mind being with a eunuch.

[Bethany]

I have a huge sex drive and sex to me is a vital part of a relationship. When you say no, you are rejecting him and he will feel hurt and/or unwanted.

I could not stay with a man who continuously rejected me sexually and once a year would be a break-up issue for me. You need to get some spark back into this relationship or risk losing him. Make the effort and start intitiating sex, you will both reap the rewards.