telling som1 i like them

[impulse617]

ok those of u who have helped me in the past know the whole situation, for those who haven't (which isn't many) here is the deal:

 

i'm 16 and a junior in high school. Im probably the quietest kid on earth (or at least in the school). I can go a whole day in school without saying anything (because im shy, not concieted or anything) and i usually only speak to som1 when they approach me. And i don't really have any friends either (which used to bother me alot, but it doesn't really bother me anymore). I have a social anxiety disorder, im currently in therapy and just got my medicine yesterday.

 

Ok now there is this girl that i've liked since 8th grade (which is 3 years obviously). She was in my class in 8th grade and has been in my class the last few years, she is in one of my classes this year. Of course, i've never been able to talk to her in person. But at the beggining of this year I found her screen name on a myspace-like site. I was afraid to im her cause she might think i was a stalker or something, but after a while i finally mustered up the courage to im her. Suprisingly, the conversation went great, she was totally cool. I didn't tell her who i was at first cause i was embarrassed, but she figured it out and things went really well. She said she never thought i was weird or anything, just really shy.

 

So anyways that was back at the beggining of october. We have chatted online a bit since then, but still not in person (she said hi once or twice but thats about it) I did end up telling her about the social anxiety disorder and she was cool about it, I told her how nervous i get around people.

 

Alot has happened since then, I think we have become small friends (which is a great start) but i also think that I have come on to strong and done a little to much for her (I don't wanna go into details). She might be feeling weird since she doesn't feel the same way (and it doesn't bother me that she doesn't feel the same way, im just trying to work on the friendship right now). She either already has a boyfriend or likes som1, so she may think that im really sweet (hopefully) but also feels a little weird (and no, i'm not afraid of this guy).

 

Wat i wanna explain to her is that I only did those things cause i really liked her, and that sometimes when u really like som1, u can come on to strong and try to do to much. I also wanna explain that it's nothing personal when i don't say anything in person. Also that its ok that she doesn't feel the same way, that i want to be a friend to her. How can i get this accross without her feeling weird since she doesn't feel the same way? My biggest fear is that she won't know what to say and start to avoid me, which would crush me, but its a risk i have to take, i have to do this.

 

she hasn't been online for like a month (except on her phone) it may or may not have anything to do with me, she might just be busy or she might be avoiding me, who knows.

 

I think telling her online would be better then in person because if she feels weird, then she probably won't know what to say and will feel uncomfortable. Doing it online would take the pressure away, I think this is one of the only times where online is better. Im just praying i get the chance

 

NOTE: Yea maybe i put alot of stuff that u didn't need to know, sorry, but i just wanted u guys to know everything for future reference in case i need help again.

 

2ND NOTE: Plz don't tell me to get over her, even if u think its the right thing for me to do because i know i won't, so plz dont mention that.

 

3RD NOTE: Plz don't try to talk me out of telling her how i feel, I have to follow my heart, this is something i have to do.

 

FINAL NOTE: Plz don't try to talk me into going up to her in person, im in therapy for that, just focus on how i should tell her (and yes it must be online, i feel like that would be best)

 

Advice (sorry about the length of this )

[shyanne]

i was shy/quiet growing up and my oldest daughter is shy. not to the point where she would need therapy nor did i ever go to therapy.. i out grew it in my early adult years and i hope she will too. some people are just quiet, nothing mentally wrong with them. however, a few of those shy people do have this social anixety disorder. there is a difference between the two.

 

the social anxiety is something you don't out grow... lots of kids are shy but only a few will remain that way as they get older.. i think it would be helpful to other very shy people if you could write a bit about what type of medicine you get and how it's working.. also how the doctors decided you have this disorder, what is the difference between the disorder and just being a shy child. i personally don't know what kind of medicine they give to help shy people.. i've read about clinics to help people with this disorder but had no idea that they medicate them.. through your experience, you may be able to help others know if they should be seeking help now.

 

i wouldn't get my daughter help because i know she's just quiet and with experience will grow to have more confidence. just through making her deal with people face to face.. making her thank someone or ask something with out my help.. also by putting her in activities even when she doesn't want too..

 

same with you.... you want to talk to this girl online because of your shyness yet you will still have to face her in school.. so if it doesn't work out the way you want online, how will you feel about going back to school to face her.. part of your therapy should be talking to people face to face not behind some computer.. i think you should force yourself to talk to this girl in person, alone of course.. that will help you overcome this disorder, not talking online. it went well online so do the rest in person. she sounds like a nice girl that does like you so don't worry about it.... just do it.

 

good luck

[impulse617]

i don't plan to conquer this during high school, im in therapy for my future, for when i have to get out in the real world and actually communicate.

 

Just forget about in person, i really do feel like telling her online is best, it will take all the pressure off. And she is never alone so i couldn't talk to her alone anyways. I do plan to talk to her in person eventually (maybe after high school, who knows) but right now, plz focus on how to tell her online

 

see if i told her in person, she might feel uncomfortable because she wouldn't know what to say. Online she could take all the time she wants to come up with a response.

[Momene]

i don't plan to conquer this during high school, im in therapy for my future, for when i have to get out in the real world and actually communicate.

 

Just forget about in person, i really do feel like telling her online is best, it will take all the pressure off. And she is never alone so i couldn't talk to her alone anyways. I do plan to talk to her in person eventually (maybe after high school, who knows) but right now, plz focus on how to tell her online

 

see if i told her in person, she might feel uncomfortable because she wouldn't know what to say. Online she could take all the time she wants to come up with a response.

 

But high school is practice for the "real world", so try to set yourself small, achieveable goals. You don't want to look back in 10 years' time and wish you'd made more of your time in high school (like I do).

 

I wish I could go back in time and tell my 16-year-old self that it will be OK, I'll meet other girls, I will date them and even marry a couple of them.

[shyanne]

i don't understand... your shy and you worry about her being uncomfortable. are you not the person who is uncomfortable talking to others, more so someone your attracted too? you said she hasn't been online for like a month.. so you could be waiting forever and lose your chance. by the time you talk to her, she could be dating or in love with another even if she likes you.. if that happens, you may as well forget it. your in the real world now. i guess you could send her an email but i really don't think that's the best way to go. have you asked your therapist about this? perhaps you should start there. talk to them about how you feel and see how they think you should handle this.

[impulse617]

im not trying to get with her, i think she already does like som1 else and it doesn't bother me. I cant really explain it, it's kind of complicated.

 

well this girl must like me in some way if she im's me and innitiates conversations online right?

[Momene]

im not trying to get with her, i think she already does like som1 else and it doesn't bother me. I cant really explain it, it's kind of complicated.

 

well this girl must like me in some way if she im's me and innitiates conversations online right?

 

Likes you in some way but which way? Don't you want to know the answer? Maybe she's been dreaming of going out with you for ages but accepted other dates because you haven't asked.

 

You don't have to go the whole romantic dinner/red rose bit but just try and meet her for coffee and get to know her better.

 

Good luck.

[somebrunette]

id say tell the biggest loudmouth at your school that you like her. by doing this in about 2 days the majority of your year level will know about it, then she will find out aswell... when she confronts you depending on her reaction you can answer her how you think is appropriate. if she seems happy and excited about it you can perhaps admit that you do... or if when she confronts you and she seems confused or not too happy about it, just deny deny deny

 

thats how i let my first boyfriend know that i liked him