Is this normal?????

[Meeky]

My boyfriend and I have been broken up for two weeks now. Basically it came down to the fact that he says he is unable to be open and honest with me. He WANTs to be (or so he says) but doesn't know how. So I broke up with him. However, it seemed to be relatively mutual, as he has not chased me, begged me not to do it or anything. He has not fought to keep me or our relationship. I guess that says alot.

 

I have basically been crying for two weeks straight. I lost my appetite, could only talk about him and how much I wished we could be together. I lost all zest for life.

 

We saw each other on Friday, and he stayed (I know, I know, stupid!), and I felt like I went back to Square One. He said he loved me, that he missed me, but is STILL unwilling to make the necessary changes to himself. I think it is too much like hard work. I don't think he is ready to commit himself to a real relationship. However, that doesn't make me miss him any less.

 

Anyway, after Friday, I decided it was best for my sanity, and in order for me to accept that we are over for good, if we didn't have any more contact. Today is Day 3. The weird thing is, that I am calm all of a sudden. I have not cried, I am thinking about him less, and I am actually at the point where I am ANGRY with him. Angry that he doesn't love me enough to want to do anything and everything to be with me. Angry that he is a coward and that he is willing to throw us away just like that.

 

I LIKE the anger. It makes me feel stronger. I hated being sad and pathetic. But I am worried that I will regress at some stage? Is this just temporary? Am I going to turn into a pathetic mess again at some point?

 

He is the type of person who agrees with everything in order to be the good guy, so I know he will not contact me (I asked him not to). So really, I don't have any triggers. I am moving cities and taking a new job in two weeks, which I am trying desperately to focus on and look forward to.

 

So, my question is: will this last? Have I made some progress? Or am I just kidding myself and ignoring my feelings? I must admit everytime I think of something I miss about him, I push it away.

 

Anyone else had this happen? Or something similar?

[mystik]

Hello my long lost twin!!!

 

I love anger. I thrive on it. I look forward to it after a break up, because it is just SO MUCH EASIER to feel than sadness. My thoughts on it? You have made progress. Will you relapse? I'm sorry to say, yes. I relapsed big time two months later. BUT I got back up again. I say you have made progress because you've said to yourself "OKAY THAT'S IT, I'M DONE CRYING." Even if you do regress, you are still making making steps forward. I personally think it is okay for you to try to act strong so that you start believing it. Anything that makes you better. Others may disagree but I don't see anything wrong with it. There's just this point that you reach where you take any good feelings over the pain. The only thing is, is that when you do cry, that when you do realize you are just ignoring your feelings...you don't blame yourself. Don't get angry and disappointed with yourself for not being "stronger." Everytime I "relapsed," no matter how minor it was, I get so angry with myself. It made me sad because I thought my way of moving on was not working. But, it is. I just came to realize that when I do feel it, I just have to let it out. I have to cry, I have to sob, I have to scream. Then, I just gotta move back to feeling great. Gotta move back to thinking about what a coward the ex was, back to being angry that he gave up the BEST thing that will ever happen to him, angry that he was too stupid to see it... You just fake it until you make it! And when you can't fake it...you come on here and cry your eyes out, whine, and post your fears, your sadness...and then it gets better again. I'm still battling my break up, but I think we'll be okay

 

P/S - This is a great post to read...somehow relates:

[Meeky]

Hi mystik,

 

Thanks for your reply. Your post made me smile. I will fake it until I make it! I am going to try and embrace this feeling of being okay (ish) and feeling the ANGER. Oh, I SO prefer it to sadness!! But if I regress, I can see from you that it is not the end of the world! 5 steps forward, 2 back (if that!)!!!!!!

[BellaDonna]

I think you'll have your ups and down while healing. However the fact that you are starting a new job and moving soon is great timing because you may be just too busy to let yourself get upset.

 

I think you made the best decision by intiating No Contact. There will be good days, and bad days, but just keep looking forward.

 

 

BellaDonna