trying to get her back..

[hopelessxnow]

Hey, i'm sorry this might be quite long - not really sure where to start.. and how to shrink everything into a single thread but here goes..

 

I've been out with my ex for 6 months.. it was great we both loved eachother very much. However, despite the fact that we had great times together, we started having more and more arguments which lead to me being dumped. She wanted to stay friends and she was quite nice when dumping me. She told my friend there were aspects of the relationship she would definitely miss. She was there to listen when i had to beg and plead and cry etc.

 

For months and months I begged and pleaded for her to come back as one would (not knowing about NC). This obviously drove her further away when she finally realised i was obsessed.. until the point where she completely stopped talkin to me. Cut all ties, didnt want to have absolutely nothing to do with me. She then started to act quite harsh..

 

So i found out about the whole No Contact idea.. i started it in order to get her back but my hopes werent up at all. To be honest, I havnt had a full month of complete NC - i'd always email her every now and then when i got a bit too low. Anyhow, I did LC for months.. and things gradually got better. Though it took a bit of effort, she finally accepted to go back onto speaking terms. This was a few weeks ago. We decided to take the whole 'friendship' idea very slow as we don't really know eachother anymore. This, to me, was hard but at the end of the day it does make sense. We didn't talk much at all on messenger a few weeks ago.. but it's getting better and i can tell she's feeling a bit more confident as i'm still giving her space by not contacting her much.

 

Yesterday, i was at a party with her and we got extremely drunk. Nothing happened but we did talk for the first time in person for months and months and it was great!.. and we hugged - i'm rather happy about that which shows how much i love her. We spent quite a while talking about quite random stuff just like friends and it wasnt really awkward at all.. we still click =)

 

I know I shouldn't allow this to get my hopes up.. and yes, maybe she doesnt want me back? but i feel that i have a slight chance.. and im prepared to take up any plan there is that would lead me there even if it'd take months. I still really love her and really want her back more than anything. What should i do?..

[bobo85]

dont double post.

[nocrawling]

Hi,

 

This all resonates with me, and I can be sure it does the same with many others. I've run the gamut with my ex, at long distance, until I decided that I really could not stand to hurt like that again. He would contact me, every couple of weeks, and I would believe. Over and over, I have fallen for it. Thing is, I finally realised how the game was destroying me. The last time, was the last time. I called him from work, and told him about my plans for going to see him. Pretty much, it was a 'don't bother'. He was busy and didn't have the time. I had a meltdown, left work, and could not show up the next day.

 

I have been strung along, all this time. I do believe we have a connection, and all sorts of 'possibilities'. Early on, when we were physically together, I swore I would not let him go. No one had treated me with such respect and kindness. He told me not to worry, that we would work out the several thousand mile distance. A year passed, and all seemed to be going strong, despite the obvious difficulties. One day, shortly after, he told me to let him go. That he didn't have what I needed, or deserved. I completely lost it. Begged, pleaded, waited. And yeah, he would show up frequently to revive my hope. But gone were the "i love you", and the "i can't wait to see you". Why? Because I was always there waiting. During our last conversation, he said I was too predictable. And that's bad, why? And I was summarily yelled at, and told I was not wanted. But of course, that he still wanted me in his life. As a friend. Someone he could run to, yes?

 

I got to a point where I couldn't hurt any more. My spirit was broken. So I came here, because I'm not the easily broken type. I was ready to listen to another idea. I did the begging, and the easy-access for years before I realised this. I still have these hopes for us, and feelings that won't go away. But when I read the NC idea, it clicked. There is a guide here to practising No Contact. It's a win-win. No longer do you have to feel that you have been broken. And by concentrating on yourself, strange things happen. You regain your dignity, and self-respect. It is not easy, but well worth-it. This is my first weekend of NC, after three years of being toyed with. I have not called, emailed, or been available on messenger for the first time in years. Yes, I miss him terribly. But I absolutely can't hurt like that again. No more.

 

What gave me hope was knowing that I could move on. No one can have that power over me again, unless I give it up. I've given every bit of my soul to this relationship, and it's not enough. I'm done. I wish he would come back, but, as it stands, it's not looking good, to say the least. Not only is this the only chance I have for being back with my true love, but it's the only chance I have to love myself. And that's my first love. He may return, he may not. If he does not return, I will have the time to heal, and move on.

 

I'm so sorry it has taken this particular turn for you. I know the thrill, and the desparation. And finally, I realised that NC was the only option. If it is truly meant to be, he will contact me. Not only that, but he will have to convince me to have another go-round. I will no longer accept shabby treatment from one who I swear is the 'one'. It will give me time to re-assess, with a clear head. After the initial shock is over, and after I stop drinking myself silly and not eating/sleeping etc., I know I will have an objective view of things. It may take weeks of holing up here, it may not.

 

I am grieving this loss, but there are people such as yourself that keep me going. Like me, you may be ready to listen to another point of view. If what you are doing is not working, please let it drop, and try something new. Please read the post on No Contact, and you will find hope there, if you have truly given up on your struggle. I had a bit of an epiphany reading that, myself.

 

You deserve much better treatment. Now, how to get it? Search your heart, and these posts.

 

Take care H,

 

 

nocrawl