Heart-broken by the same person...twice!!

[trisuk8]

Sorry if what Ive got to say is gonna sound like a bit of a rant, but I was just curious as to how many people out there have been dumped once by an girlfriend/boyfriend, got back together again, and then been disapointed once again by that person, having forgiven them the first time?

 

Me and my girlfriend were going out for 10 months when she broke up with me the first time. Then 4 months later she rang me saying how much she missed me and how breaking up me was a mistake (up until that point Id maintained no-contact cos it was the only way I knew how to get over her). Reluctantly (not wanting to get my heart broken again) I forgave her and we got back together. Everything was fantastic and the time apart really seemed to make us both realise how much we meant to each other. We had such a great time together and did so many cool things like going to new places and until we broke up last week we'd been going out for 2 years and 2 months. All seemed well and we both said how solid out relationship was, until she goes away for 7 weeks for a degree related work placement and suddenly everything changes again after she meets this guy who works there (making me think the last 2 years couldnt have meant much to her if she was ready to throw it away for someone she'd only known for a couple of weeks). She said she was really missing me at the start of her work when she hadnt settled in but as soon as she does and meets new people Im simply cast aside and forgotten as if Im not needed anymore. She said she wanted to talk to me about things first seeing as we'd been going out for so long but what is the point if everytime she goes away for a while she finds someone else shes interested in? How can you talk about that? What is it with some

people? She'd always gone on about the future and how she couldnt wait to gonna spend it with me (she sent me an anniversary card 3 weeks prior to us breaking up - yes, 3 weeks!! still talking about all that sort of stuff and sounding really sincere and looking forward to it), building my hopes up and then suddenly taking them all away as if she had never said that stuff in the first place. I'd never be so over the top with talk about the future unless I really meant I wanted it to happen, and especially wouldnt still be talking about it to my girlfriend 3 weeks before I was gonna dump her!! Can some people not survive a little bit of time apart if they love someone as much as they profess to? Are they really so insecure that they need to have someone with them at all times?

 

Now I feel like such a moron for ever getting back with her in the first place. She was so apologetic etc when we got back together and said she'd never do that again because she realised her mistake from last time (yeah I know I shouldnt have read too much into that!), and I feel so used having had my heart broken for the second time by the same girl, thinking whether from her point of view I was alright to keep her entertained while I was around and she had no one else to keep her company but as soon as she has to spend a bit of time apart from me she gets bored and moves on to new people who fill the gap Ive left, when shes been nothing but fine with me before she went away (Really was a case of absense makes the heart grow fonder in my case and out of sight out of mind in hers!!).

 

Anyway Ill leave it here before I start writing an entire novel!, I just wanted to see if there was anyone else who has fallen foul of this kind of thing and what their feelings were about having got back together in the first place and whether they hated their exes now after having their heart broken twice? It'd kinda be good to know I wasnt the only other sucker to have gone through this!!

[hoping]

well i didn't have my heart broken twice by the same girl....but my situation sounds ALOT like urs.....and i am baffled as well....she gave me the exact same thing "i really really missed you at the beginning" but obviously some guy comes along all sweet and nice to her she decides to pick up and leave....

 

from words of the wise namely blender (a member here)...she suggests that "no one can beat the sense of "newness"....but newness wears off in time.....and the truth unfolds...." if the girl is as insecure as to have to have someone by her side ALL time...NO guy will be able to stick with her....and she sure wont find happiness within relationship anywhere.....

 

i am terribly sorry for ur 2 time heart break dude....but again with the words of the wise from blender.....once the newness wears off...she will be left to deal with HERSELF again......and at that time....u'll be moved on probably with a better girl who REALLY digs U for who U r...

[dontknowwhattodo]

Hi there,

 

You are not alone. Just recently, I was in the same boat as you are. Dated for 6 months, broke up for 5 months, got back together for 1.5 years, things were so great, I moved away due to work, things were great and then we broke up! We haven't met anybody else but he didn't see me in his future so we decided to separate.

 

I feel like a fool for going back to him but I also know that I would be regret if I haven't done so. To me now I feel like things happened for the best and I appreciate his honesty (though he should have told me months before). The pain and sadness are still eating me up but I think I grow some tolerance. I still cry at night but not as much as the first time. I accept the fact and now try to move on.

[Rob1000]

I think I can match you. The same girl broke my heart 3 times. Back in 2000 we went out for 3 months until she decided she still loved her ex boyfriend.

 

A year later she came back, saying it was me she loved all along. That lasted 5 weeks.

 

3 months later she came back again crying, apologising. It was only when she cheated on me another 5 weeks later that I realised she wasn't for me.

 

Do yourself a favour. Leave her and her mental problems behind.

[bobo85]

hurt me once shame on you

hurt me twice shame on me

[rachaelg]

ha. i sound like the biggest loser now. I was recently dumped (wed) for the THIRD TIME by the same guy. WHo i am madly in love with. Every 6 months it seems he does this. We have been together for 1.5 years. And this time it was because..we are graduating university,and he is leaving to travel for 2 months, and he just doesn;t think that we are good together. how horrible. He did this right in the middle of my 4th year university finals. I am a wreck. I think he just wanted to be single to meet girls in thialand. I know he will regret this.

[spunkykatt]

I too have been broken hearted twice by the same person, and I think that the second time hurt more than the first. Its hard to let go of all the hurt the first time around, and then open yourself up again to the very same person who caused all that pain. So when they leave for a second time, well its almost as if its twice as painful. I was with my bf for 10 months also when we broke up the first time, and after some time apart, (actually I had finally started to heal) when I received a email from him...that turned my life upside down, we ended up getting back together, and was together for over a year the second time around. Then after his birthday this past October we ended up breaking up, and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant, and we fought for several weeks, we ended up getting back together eventually for a third time...and well I dont think its like it was. I have alot of trust issues with him, and Im torn half the time between all the things in the past and what is in the future. So yes I understand completely how mad and hurt you feel. It will get better though.