Could someone tell me what to do, I want my ex back

[Belgian girl]

Hi,

after three weeks of NC (again, but mostly one week because of the bus)

we talked half an hour during our way back after the vacation. I was happy about it. Is there something more I can do or something to take initiative with? To show him I'm happy/it's good when he start asking questions for example. Every advice welcome here. Hugs!

[Belgian girl]

thank you, cooooolsome, for the advice. Good to hear from someone who could think more objective

[Belgian girl]

A little expansion at the previous texts: we are both virgin and I've always wished that it would be like that when we both start with the sexual part of the relationship. He's always been the one I wanted to do that with, because we both LOVE each other (but didn't do it during the 9months). So afraid not to be that person anymore (to do that special thing with)

[Belgian girl]

could anyone give me advice now?

I've tried a kind of NC, only during our bustrip (Friday and Sunday evening, each about 1,5 hour) we are sitting next to eachother (or somethimes he's putting his bag at the chair between us.. and he usually is listening music). (Guess what (I'm only not sure if it IS a result of NC, maybe I'm too enthousiastic/thinking about it too positive..) he talked to me while waiting for the bus, about a quarter and was asking questions (nothing spectaculair..).. So now I'm a little confused about why and how he's feeling and was talking and what I should do next (or nothing). But the trip before that one, I 'remarked' (don't know the best word directly in English ) that he wasn't listening music the first hour (like he was giving me/it a chance to talk with each other). It's only 2 weeks lessons (then about 2-3 weeks exams and then about 3 months vacation).. (so not much time left anymore ) Please, anyone with advice (or what he/she would do)?

[Belgian girl]

I'ld like to tell about the situation at the moment

He's together for about 1,5 month with a girl from a (gothic) forum, they met twice as far as I know. She's 17 (he 19, I 20) and they are laughing very much with each other. Don't know what to do. I know she likes to experience and enjoy life and that she has had a lot of ex bfs and ex gfs. Now he's hurting me more than before by saying things or writing on the internet. She looks very mean to me and other people I sent the picture or who know her from the Internet. But she's giving him compliments and agrees with the things he say, way more easy about things like that than I am. Same for saying love things. I almost only say anything if it really has got a meaning and I'm sure that I won't give him a disappointment even after weeks or months by saying it.

Feeling heart-broken, still love him from the very very inside, guess she doesn't. Guess he enjoy's it to feel apreciated even to other people by having someone who's so enthousiastic. For me, it feels it's not fair at all.

Advice very welcome..

[Belgian girl]

Really think I've done something with al the things he said to me what he didn't like or what I should do or what I didn't do...

[Belgian girl]

I see so many people reading my topic but so less posting

I already could expand the story, but I have a little time at the moment (exams)..

found out he posted a story about is on a forum where he gives nothing more than critic and saying bad things and I also see things very different than that, it hurts a lot

really don't like his gf, think she's mean

he said (Messenger, he deblocked me for a while) he never wanted me back again

somebody told me he's (little) depressive

I really love him and answered him that I'ld at least never find anyone as beautiful as him (objectively he isn't very very beautiful, but cause I love him so much..) and I will continue loving him even if it hasn't any result and I'll be there for him if he has a problem with something (but he refused)

..

(will tell more when I have more time Hope somebody at least will react

[Belgian girl]

Have made myself member of that forum as well, he must have recognised me by my nickname I guess.. cause today he posted there a message that he likes that forum but somebody's making him feel bad at this place as well (cause I 'followed' him and have read his messages there.. but not placed any reaction on it, only said something about myself because I'm a new member)

[river dog]

Not sure I can understand what you are asking of us here?

[Belgian girl]

Ah thanks for letting me know.

I was just describing my situation.

Still wants that boy back. He doesn't understand me at the right way. I really dislike to see that new girl, I expected someone less mean and more friendly and can't understand why he's treating me this way. Would like it if there's something I can do to turn things in a more positive way. However, I don't mind very much to be patient.

Often feeling confused if it's true what he says about me that I've done very stupid things. Love him so much

[coooolsome]

Let him go. All the things you are doing is just causing you to hold on and be hurt even more. I know how you feel but you cannot keep up like this. Your emotional well being is at stake and you are probably missing out on life and someone new. He probably treats you badly in the hopes that you will get fed up and get out of his life. Who knows but the best thing you can do is disappear. Make yourself scarce. Focus on you and become happy again.

[Belgian girl]

Thank you so much

But still can't realise that it's over

That moments everything went wrong seemed for me as such a little while, it's like I'm still living at the moment there wasn't any misunderstanding.

I also found a text he posted on another forum about us/me. It hurts a lot if that is the truth how he interpreted (sorry if that's not good English everything. I also found out that when he was young, being angry and crying wasn't apreciated, so that might be the reason if his bad reactions that I cried so much. I did it from a feeling of love, I wasn't unhappy at all. Only afraid to lose him because I was so happy to be with him.

Yeah, that's my 'plan': not to make any effort towards him, even trying not to visit the forums he's using. And praying. Praying that he will chose for the good instead of the evil, or something. He's so naïve.

I really would be very happy if I ever get the chance to tell him and to do with him all the things that I still want to but not did yet. Can't understand why he's looking at my this way.

What I'm trying now is to follow up the things I know from him that he didn't like, I try to do it better this time (I also agree with him in that). I try to spend more time with friends and people in general. I apreciate things way more than before. I live more with my heart. I still love him, I still have my heart open, not only for him, also to help people as far as I can. Hope he will find out that I've changed (but I do almost never see him). I also listen less to the people who were some kind of influencing me (not with the meaning to manipulate I guess).

Somewhere I hope it brings me back to him. Hope that it's not yet sure like he said that he never wants me back. Will try as hard as I can to let him go doing his things and hope I will ever be good enough for him (most people tell me I'm better and much better then her).

Thanks so much for giving advice..!

[Belgian girl]

This evening I saw he was logged-in at a forum he made a post in the topic of present yourself (his one) a week ago to say he feels sorry but he won't visit that forum anymore because somebody has followed him even here. (but that was not the reason I went to that forum, just because there was a link at the previous forum and a member kept convincing me because it's her forum and there were so few members) Then I found some texts on it he posted earlier with bad things about me and our relationship (most not even true), so guess because of that he 'said'(Messenger) a week ago he doesn't want me to visit the same forums as he does because it made him crazy by seeing my nickname when he's logged-in as well.

Now I'm asking myself is he's interested to read what I've posted there (because this last forum HE left so I 'might' keep posting)? (hope so..)

And at another forum he posted today that he wouldn't mind at all if his gf would already have sex with him (guess they only met twice)and about 1,5 month sms and MSN. I think it's so disgusting. I'm almost sure she doesn't really love him from the inside of her heart, it's just fun

[beck24]

It hurts to read your posts. It sounds like your old boyfriend is just running around doing stupid stuff but you still love him. Take a step back and look at what he's doing. Is he still worthy of your affection? I think not. And if you can't see that, then ask yourself "Do I want to keep doing this to myself?" Cry, be angry, feel rejected, get it out of your system, but then move on. You're worrying about the situation too much. It's not healthy. I can relate because I tend to "spy" like that and be very paranoid, but all you're doing is causing yourself pain.

[BONO]

Hiya kid - I wondered what happened to you !

 

Long time, how ya doing ?

 

 

Scruff

[Belgian girl]

Hi there,

very nice to see reactions, so I can at least see how other people think about it.

I've just read in a topic the following and guess what, the first part seems perfectly to fit to his new gf and the last seems to describe me:

 

Girls when they are young look for two things:

 

Looks

 

and

 

Is he someone I can have fun with?

 

If he is good looking and fun, then there is interest. As girls mature and become older, they start to value responsiblity, being good with money, having goals and ambition, as well as a man who will stand up for himself and be there for her.

 

Someone who is reliable and loyal will also be seen as a virtue as women age and eventually want to start a family.

 

@ Scruffism, is there something I could tell you that I've not written down yet? If there possible is, let me know, I like to tell about it. If it could probably give you more insight on the situation, the better.

 

At the moment, I'm almost OK. It depends, usually in the evening that I start missing him very much again. Crying I'm doing very little. But he has hurt me several times by saying things just to hurt me I guess, so I don't really feel that I'm on his side anymore. Also because I don't like that new girl, even now I don't know her in real-life. So I can't identify myself as much with him.

 

@ Beck24, Probably because he's taking fun of his yought or something.. I feel confused about how to think about him and my own future and if I'm willing to try another long-term relationship (already or ever). I guess I would spend more time with meeting new people with the goal of being friends and doing things with them like sport. I just want to make sure I won't make mistakes or yeah as less as possible. Think that then I'll see if I even WANT him back again in the future. Don't know if it's an 'excuse' that he's still young and wants to enjoy life.. Personally, I feel no need to be like that.

The best to you as well.

[BONO]

No prob.

 

I got back with my ex - following the advice that I found appropriate to my situation.

 

So knock ya self out

 

PM me if better or post.

 

 

 

Scruff

[BONO]

I've just read in a topic the following and guess what, the first part seems perfectly to fit to his new gf and the last seems to describe me:

 

Girls when they are young look for two things

 

Looks

 

and

 

Is he someone I can have fun with?

 

If he is good looking and fun, then there is interest. As girls mature and become older, they start to value responsiblity, being good with money, having goals and ambition, as well as a man who will stand up for himself and be there for her.

 

Someone who is reliable and loyal will also be seen as a virtue as women age and eventually want to start a family.

 

 

 

Is this from reply from one of my threads BTW ???? (Pocco)

[Belgian girl]

@ scruffism, In a topic called something like 'girls where do you look for in a man'

can I find that advice that helped you getting your ex back in the threads started by you?

Very nice you say I can PM you, at the moment I'm quite busy for my last exams, if I find time those days I really will at least read more of your threads and maybe send a PM.

[BONO]

@ scruffism, In a topic called something like 'girls where do you look for in a man'

can I find that advice that helped you getting your ex back in the threads started by you?

Very nice you say I can PM you, at the moment I'm quite busy for my last exams, if I find time those days I really will at least read more of your threads and maybe send a PM.

 

Any time. This is what this is all about.

 

lol

 

Scruff

[Belgian girl]

So I will take a search to find that topic.. hope it could help me as well even if it's a bit

OK the situation now:

they are together for 1month22days, think they've met twice

Tomorrow there's a meeting from the forum but she can't go

He's already thinking about seks (I can see at the kind of topics he's posting at)

He has placed a poem for her at the forum

[BONO]

Hiya, there is alot to be said from the above !

 

However, I would add this. That TIME is a factor you need to embrace and embrace fully. Its where NC comes from.

 

It seems, that he has gone for now ( as my GF did ) and as a result you have two options.

 

1) Follow his movements around and find out who she is, beat yourself up and get lower or ........

 

 

2) STOP. And do the hardest thing ever. Which is NOTHING.

 

 

By doing nothing, nothing can go wrong and perhaps give the best gift in the world to him.

 

 

The gift of missing you.

 

 

I am going to bump a thread for you that I love.

 

 

LOL

 

 

Scruff

[Belgian girl]

Aww

I've found it (the thread).. let's read (: How nice from you

[Belgian girl]

OK a little about my situation (not HIS or HER ) If somebody could expand my list (got inspiration) for things to improve myself during the period I'm 'absent' (for him), please post it! Everything is welcome

 

1. Making more social contacts and to improve the ones I have

2. I go out running every evening (sometimes with new people I've met for doing that)

3. I try to keep healthy also by eating the right things

4. I'm trying to expand my interests like getting to know more different music groups, places, things that are going on

5. I've almost found a student job

6. Keep investing in my studies

7. Clothing, with the money I'm going to earn I'ld first buy some better sportshoes, I also want to go on wearing my own style

8. Being less worried and doubting about things and just make fun like he does

9. Keep being good for other people (helping them), animals and nature

[Belgian girl]

Aww terribly miss him