How do men deal with a break up

[comet]

Do you men think a break up is harder on a man or women? How long does it take a man to get over there exs? How do you men deal with a break up? I would like a mans point of view.

 

Thank you

[kadvati79]

Honestly, I have seen men deal with breakups in completely different ways almost to a bell curve. Gay or straight, they all seem to deal with it different. I really think there is no pattern or tendency at all amongst my friends. Same with my girl friends.

 

Some seem to deal with it in tears, anguish. Others denial for a long time. Some become massive cynics.

 

I think their reaction may have a correlation with the quality of the relationship, and the reasons for the breakup.

[melrich]

I'm really not sure that there would be much difference between men and women in how they handle a braek up.

 

If you read all the break up posts in here by both males and females, the issues seem to be fairly consistent on both sides.

 

The only thing I have heard anecdotally is that suposedly men on average take longer to get over a break up because they tend to bottle their feelings up more but I don't know if that is proven by any research.

[hoping]

i believe at the same time....it really depends whos the dumper and whos the dumpee....altho a breakup is hard on both sides but i believe it still makes a difference

[bobo85]

obvously a breakup is hard on both parties. I personally i think a breakup is harder on the dumpee.

 

But in my opinion...i think that girls have an easier time moving on. All a girl has to do is go to a bar or a club and she will get approached numerous times a night. She can sit back and choose whoever she wants.

 

on the other hand....

 

a man has to go out and approach women while feeling sad and depressed. And of course women dont like men who are down and needy. Men also have to approach women knowing that they could get rejected again.

[hoping]

bobo dude.....u totally read my mind.....i have expressed that concern sooo many times to my friends....that my ex can just get approached...which is a lil too often....and she can choose whos better...etc...while me...the dumpee...is chillin at home wonderin where im gonna meet my next girl....ahhh...

[GottaLetItBurn]

I think everyone does it different, but men are different than woman. I can't believe how ashamed I feel to cry about it, and how it's so accepted for a girl to do that. When tears really push the healing process along about 10x faster.

 

Everytime I have managed to break down and cry, I have been able to actually let go.

 

Sometimes I think that maybe men have a harder time dealing with it because I read it somewhere. Plus we are motivated a lot by sexual attraction on top of feelings so we think sex is a cure on top of feeling bad. To tell you the truth I think just as most men are stonger then woman in the physical aspect. Woman are the equivalent in emotional strength.

 

They need us to be stong for them and protect them sometimes, and we need them for emotional support. The only thing is, I think most people can agree that emotional pain is far worse.

 

So really, I would really I admire woman more for their emotional strength they seem to naturally have. A womans body can heal it's self easily from a physical injury. No matter how stong a man is his strenght can't heal his heart any faster.

[mystik]

But in my opinion...i think that girls have an easier time moving on. All a girl has to do is go to a bar or a club and she will get approached numerous times a night. She can sit back and choose whoever she wants.

 

I wish it were that easy. See, this is works for some girls. Other girls will go out, expecting this, but not get approached at all - which then makes them feel even worse because in theory, they are supposed to get approached numerous times. I do get what you are saying though, some girls in that aspect, have it MUCH easier than guys do. I can go out, and get approached by a few guys, but really, what do I get to choose from? Guy A, who is randomly thrusting his pelvic against anyone with breasts until one allows him to continue? Or Guy B who thinks he is hot stuff, wants to get me drunk, sleep with me, and doesn't even care to find out my name?

 

For alpha males and females, I think the males have it easier to move on to another relationship (not just sex). Alpha males can sleep with many girls, and if he ever feels like committing to one, she will easily commit. Alpha females can also sleep with many guys. But for her, it is less likely the guy will want to have an actual relationship with her. I just find this happening a lot at my university.

 

But actually getting over someone, and handling a break up? I think men and women handle it the same way. They both feel the same amount of pain, heartache...judging from this whole forum, everyone hurts. I don't think it varies from gender to gender but rather person to person.

[mystik]

I think everyone does it different, but men are different than woman. I can't believe how ashamed I feel to cry about it, and how it's so accepted for a girl to do that. When tears really push the healing process along about 10x faster.

 

Everytime I have managed to break down and cry, I have been able to actually let go.

 

I don't agree that women have it easier emotionally hearsay...but I do agree with you, that we do have an entirely different support system. Our society allows women to cry, b*tch, scream to our friends, our families, the whole world. We are 'allowed' to have emotional breakdowns and people will feel sorry for us, and actually try to help guide us through our feelings. Often men however, do not have this support system. You shouldn't have to be made ashamed to cry, that's just not fair. When my best guy friend got dumped, he didn't leave his room for three days. He didn't get out of bed and the only reason he did, was because he had to go the washroom. After he told me this, he insisted and made me swear I would never tell anyone (I haven't except here!! ..doesnt count..). I felt so bad for him because he felt so embarrassed about it.

[ComputerGuy]

Anyone that says guys have it easier and guys "dont care as much" as woman do is kidding themselves. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of guys do talk about marriage, what they want from life, what sort of life they want just as women do. Whilst men may not be as outward with their emotions, they do still talk about it all the same.

 

Breaking up from a relationship is no different. On the outside the guy may just say "Whatever, I dont care" it does not mean inside he isn't just as hurt and shattered as the girl who bursts into tears. I know I tend to not let anyone know what I'm feeling and try to appear fine to everyone. A lot of people who dont know me better might take me for someone who isn't affected by emotion, but as some of my friends can attest I am very emotional..

 

There are a lot of stereotypes with guys/girls about these sort of things but when it comes down to the fundamentals of it there really is no difference in intensity or the effect ithas on them.

[Spawn]

Personally, it was my first breakup, i got dumped, but i wasn't ashamed or embarrased about it. But the pain is immense nobody can describe it.

 

It was hard movin on, but once i started thinking back on the relationship i realized that it was not entirely my fault, both of us were equally responsible for the breakup & things started lookin different. I don't miss her much, i do love her and would still like to know what she is upto and all but its better this way, staying away from each other helps.In a month or so i might remove the filter for her mails but won't mail her, still won't be addin her back to my IM, nor call or meet up. I know things won't ever work out between us.

 

Everyone reacts differently, my friend who got dumped last August was so darn pissed off with himself that for the rest of the year he felt like beatin the livin hell out of him. He felt like he was the biggest looser, as if born looser. Anyways, he somehow figured it out that things eventually has to move on, life moves on. Now he believes his life was going thru a bad patch.

[Scout]

But in my opinion...i think that girls have an easier time moving on. All a girl has to do is go to a bar or a club and she will get approached numerous times a night. She can sit back and choose whoever she wants.

 

That may be true, but approached for sex is not the same thing as approached for a relationship.

[crvers]

From what I have read online women and men are different in how they act after a breakup, but are probably not different in how they feel.

 

Supposedly, after a breakup men are quicker to jump into another relationship..ie the rebound. Men use "sexual" contact as a way of getting over their ex.

 

Women on the other hand are usually finished when they're finished. Women supposedly hold onto a relationship longer then men when its going downhill. They take longer to let the relationship pyschically go, but once its done they usually are done.

 

This is what I have read but may not necessarily be true. Personally I think both handle it the same. We all fall apart and we all become blubbering fool fer a while.

[Spawn]

This is what I have read but may not necessarily be true. Personally I think both handle it the same. We all fall apart and we all become blubbering fool fer a while.

 

i agree to that.

[bobo85]

That may be true, but approached for sex is not the same thing as approached for a relationship.

 

Yeah but it still gives girls ego boosts.

[kadvati79]

Yeah but it still gives girls ego boosts.

 

before the big crash Any ego boost based on someone else ends in tears.

 

I'm pretty attractive, and I have a pretty good body. I got sex very easy, but it began to destroy me. Now after having had a fantastic emotional connection - I sometimes end up in tears when I try have sex with people and I can tell they're totally into my body. It almost feels offensive, hard to describe. But I think the "free love" thing does more damage than good after a certain point, in the end.