How soon should you know?

[chaos]

Okay so, I've been seeing this girl for about a week. We met online, she messaged me through a dating site. We sent a few emails, exchanged IM's and spent all last Friday chatting while we worked. We made plans for Sunday night. I was a little hesitant because, from her pictures, there wasn't much physical attraction but she seemed like a fun person so I figured what the hell. We went out, had dinner, talked, etc... She was cuter than her pictures, which was good and we had a good time. We've seen eachother a couple more times since just for lunch and we're going out again tonight. We've chatted online everyday at work plus txt messages and a few phone calls. We've kissed but that's as far as it's gone so far. Now, the thing that bothers me, is throughout all of this, I've yet to feel any connection, there's no spark. Am I just worrying too damn much? Is it too soon to feel anything? Is this something that can develop? As you can probably tell, I have very little dating experience. I just don't want anyone getting hurt nor do I want to string her along, but I also don't want to miss out if something could develop. I've just been thinking of all the possibilities, most of which I'm not including or this would be about 10 times as long.

[DN]

Attraction can develop over time - give things a while longer and see what happens. Don't let her get too attached if you don't feel anything but who knows - she may be thinking the same thing.

[Tigris]

I agree with DN.

 

Sometimes a connection can be made straight away and other times it takes longer. Give it a few more weeks.

 

Good luck

[Mavh25]

when i met my boyfriend i thought he was arrogant, and rude, and looked like a scruffy fart. But i fell in love soon after

[chaos]

Ok, I'll give it some more time and see what happens. In the meantime, DN, how can I keep her from getting too attached?

[hosswhispra]

When you kissed, did you feel anything?

[DN]

Well, by not asking her to marry you!!

 

Seriously, by not sleeping with her, by taking things slow and not saying endearments that you don't mean. Don't buy expensive presents or lavish too much money when on dates.

 

Be pleasant and give her a good time but don't go overboard.

.

[chaos]

Well, by not asking her to marry you!!

 

Well, there goes my plans for the night!

 

I see what you're saying and I can do that. But the not sleeping together part might be kind of difficult. From what I know of her, she doesn't have to have feelings for someone to sleep with them. Not to mention it's been almost 6 months for me, not that I can't control myself, I can. I guess my concern is that, when it comes up, if I'm not ready for things to become more serious, how do I turn her down without rejecting her?

[hosswhispra]

Well, by not asking her to marry you!!

 

Seriously, by not sleeping with her, by taking things slow and not saying endearments that you don't mean. Don't buy expensive presents or lavish too much money when on dates.

 

Be pleasant and give her a good time but don't go overboard.

.

 

 

I like DN's advice---additionally, I would treat her as you would want your one of your close female family members to be treated if they were on a date with a guy that was not that sure of his feelings yet.

[DN]

By simply saying that you like being with her but are not ready for a serious relationship right now. That gives her the option of either staying or going.

[chaos]

Well, we had a really good date last night. When I left last night I could actually see myself developing feelings for her, so, good right? Maybe not so much... Something she posted to her blog has me wondering. She told me the other night she wasn't seeing anyone else. But then today I read she's had three different dates in one week. It wasn't written very clearly so that just has me even more confused. I'd like to get clarification from her, but I don't know how to approach it without coming off negatively. I find myself almost wishing she'd never written me so I could have continued my plan to give up on dating... I hate it so much!