It's been 5 months...still the same...

[echo_papa_romeo]

My ex and I broke up exactly 5 months ago today. She is 32 I am 30 and we both have dated a lot of people. We tried hard to make the relationship work, but we just couldn't, despite what we both felt and believed we had to be "amazing" chemistry. We got along so well, physically, sense of humor, common interests, where we were at in life. Plus she is absolutely beautiful. She is a look-a-like of Reese Witherspoon.

 

So we dated for a year and 2 months. Every 2 months, she would break up with me, saying it just didn't feel right to her. She tried to fight these feelings and each time I came back to her (total of 5 times). She told me she has only known bad relationships and I treated her better than any man ever has. But she never seemed "into" the relationship even though she tried to be. I told her I loved her and she reluctantly reciprocated only once. When we broke up the last time (my doing, I just got so frustrated), we both agreed we could never be friends because of our attraction to each other.

 

It's been 5 months since we last spoke. We have not seen nor spoken to each other since. I have not heard anything about her through the grapevine either. I was out tonight with my new lady and I saw (from behind) a woman who looked exactly my ex. She was with a guy. I have been shaken up ever since. P.S. I'm writing this while my wonderful new g/f is asleep.

 

I'm going nuts with this. What can I do? I have tried everything. I keep busy with work and hobbies, spend time with friends, keep NC, have dated several women since my ex I'm talking about. I just don't know what to think or do. I am trying so hard to fight this conncection we had, trying so hard to move on and out it behind me.

 

My ex and I had a connection which I cannot put into words. I have never felt this before in my life. I am starting to feel a wonderment of where she is at with everything. She walked away from this without emotion. I am just a mess right now. Somebody please help me out with this.

[bobo85]

I'm sorry your feeling pain right now and for the last 5 months...but breaking up every 2 months is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should've seen these red flags and seriously talked to your ex about it. Knowing females, she probably would've said something very vague. Did you do No Contact when she did breakup with you every 2 months?

 

I believe in giving second chances but not 3rd or 4th chances.

[DN]

Actually you are holding on to an illusion. The relationship was never a good one but you are really only remembering the good parts and the side of her personality that appealed to you. Maybe you should think about how she broke your heart several times, that she was really all about what she wanted and never really about what you wanted. While you are regretting a relationship that was never healthy you are slowly poisoning the new relationship.

 

What a shame it would be if you lost what could be the best thing that ever happened to you because you can't get over the worst.

[WildChild]

So we dated for a year and 2 months. Every 2 months, she would break up with me, saying it just didn't feel right to her. She tried to fight these feelings and each time I came back to her (total of 5 times). She told me she has only known bad relationships and I treated her better than any man ever has. But she never seemed "into" the relationship even though she tried to be. I told her I loved her and she reluctantly reciprocated only once. When we broke up the last time (my doing, I just got so frustrated), we both agreed we could never be friends because of our attraction to each other.

 

 

She walked away from this without emotion. I am just a mess right now.

 

 

Reread the above. If you stepped out and looked at it in bystander's shoes, what would be your thoughts? What if this was a friend or family member that posted those words? What would you tell them?

 

If you look at the whole picture, and not just what you felt is it the same as what she felt? No. She may have realized that she should try and make it work because you did treat her so well, but she would continuously break it off with you. Why? Because it didn't feel right to her. Maybe she was afraid of having it so good because she never has, or didn't feel she deserved it. Regardless of any of that, it doesn't take away from the truth that you felt she was never "into" the relationship. You broke it off with her. Why? Because you were frustrated that she didn't reciprocate the same. You both may have been enamored by looks, humor, etc... however, it doesn't take away that you were not receiving enough in return to make you feel fulfilled, loved, or wanted. Where that you were so frustrated you ended it.

 

I know what it like to want to be with someone and it doesn't work. I also know what it is like to try so hard to want things to be right because you feel a connection. BUT what is important is that the other person has to "feel" it too. It has to feel right.

 

It is o.k. to always hold a place in your heart for her. But I have to wonder if you are dating someone, how much of you are you giving her right now? If you continue to constantly wonder about your ex, how much of that do you think is trickling over into this relationship, or the next one? A person can't put 100% into something if their heart isn't into it 100%. Are you putting 100% of you into this current relationship? If not, why? You may be walking in your ex's shoes.