I don't know how to get rid of that last little part of him

[sweetheart230]

For the most part, I'm doing very well... but I still really really wanna sleep with my ex. Like a lot. The thing is, although I still have feelings for him, I don't want to be with him anymore.

 

But dammit, I still want to let him throw me on the bed and have his way with me. For a while, it went away. Maybe its because its the only way I've been shown intimacy and affection from a guy (what other ways are there to show/express intimacy and affection anyways). But I miss it terribly.

 

Everything else in my life is going well. I've been coming out of my shell and its been a difficult but rewarding process. I'm really truly starting to find myself attractive and know lots of guys do too (unless they're just staring cause they like the color red). But I can't get the thought of having sex with him out of my mind. I fantasize about the last time we were together during my classes, while I'm at work, while I'm falling asleep. The thought of his hands, tongue, body against me is literally driving me mad.

 

I don't want to have casual sex... I don't desire to have sex with anyone else but him right now anyway. And I'm not really looking for a serious relationship right now (havn't met anyone i like enough yet). I just would like to clear my head out a bit so I'm not always thinking about having sex with him. What is wrong with me that I want to have sex with someone whom I didn't even enjoy having sex with (foreplay, etc. was great, loved doing stuff for him, but i'm too tight to have real sex comfortably).

 

Another thing, sort of unrelated... but I was just also wondering, why it is that around guys I've already hooked up with I'm always flirty, playful, fun and with guys who I actually might want to date for real I get nervous and stupid??

 

thanks in advance... just wondering if anyone had any ideas about how I might stop obsessing about havign sex with him or why this is happening. I really think it might be about the fact that its the only way i've expressed/received intimacy/affection from a man, but any clue as to how to stop it?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Why force yourself to stop it? If it was a good thing, cherish it, then look forward to having that same aspect of your relationship with someone new.

 

Are you really obsessing over him? Or is it just fond memories?

 

I think its okay to fantasize about it, but dont get to the point that if you do find yourself in another intimate relationship that you think about your ex.

 

I would just ride it out.

[sweetheart230]

Yeah I think its just good memories... where he made me feel really good. He was just the only guy I ever felt comfortable being physical with so naturally it was the best intimate experiences I've had. We just had a lot of sexual chemistry

 

Honestly, I'm just scared I'm going to break down one night and tell him I want him to come over and have his way with me.

 

In that case he'll probably either say "yeah be right over" or "i have someone new" or "i don't want you anymore" and either way it will be very bad for me.

[brandon_07]

I don't know how to do the quote thing, but you said something about "what other way is there to show intimacy and affection," what other ways? plenty. Sex is just one of the more intimate ways to do it but you can in many ways, hold hands, cuddle, hug, do things for each other, are great ways to show affection and intimacy, if you havn't been shown affection and intimacy in any other way from a guy other then to have sex with him then maybe you havn't met the right guys yet, idk.. as for getting it out of your mind Idk if theres any easy to way to just not think about it, I guess just try to focus on what your doing, or do something you really enjoy, whether its playing a board game or going bowling with friends and that can help to get your mind off of it

[LostInMyThoughts]

Honestly, I'm just scared I'm going to break down one night and tell him I want him to come over and have his way with me.

That is something I think you can and probably should control. It sounds like you understand that calling him up will end up being bad thing for you, even if for the moment its great.

 

If you start getting an intense desire to be with him, but understand that you only want him physically, then either take care of yourself, or just take a cold shower.

 

Or meet up with a creepy guy you just met on an internet advice forum.

[sweetheart230]

Sex is just one of the more intimate ways to do it but you can in many ways, hold hands, cuddle, hug, do things for each other, are great ways to show affection and intimacy

 

the fact that sex is the only way i've received intimacy and affection is also one of the reasons i was so depressed in the past. Also one of the reasons I went through a promiscuous phase (i couldn't have decent sex so luckily most of these didn't include sex).

 

i want so much more from a man and yet if he showed up at my door i'd probably tell him to go to hell but still lose control and let him do whatever he wanted to me. It really sucks that i've had so little affection that i cling so tightly to sexual experiences.

[ComputerGuy]

I'll start by saying this - at least you can see all this from a logical stand point. You can see what's causing it (to an extent) and you know the outcome of all the scenarios and what you SHOULD do. That's a very good place to be in when coupled with how you are feeling. My advice? See a counsellor...they may be able to help you get these thoughts out of your head and something else in to replace them.

 

As others have said, sex is not the only way to show intimacy towards someone, and the fact your ecognise you cling to sexual stuff in an unhealthy way shows that you acknowledge that at the very least it's not a good thing.

[neolithic]

i know exactly how you feel. with one particular ex, i would fantasize NONSTOP about him having his way with me. i didn't want to be together, but i couldn't think of anyone else. it was torture!

 

basically, i just had to wait it out. i tried to masturbate plenty (even though i would start crying a lot afterwards, when i thought of him??? it was weird, but i waited that out too and it doesn't happen anymore! )

 

i know it's hard because you're still feeling vulnerable, and thinking about sex as raw and sort of pornographic is sort of out of the question right now.. but at the same time, you're still connected to him, especially since he was last.

 

all i can say is that i know it's hard but it'll fade with the healing process.. good luck!

[Karibo]

I know exactly how you feel. With my last ex he was no good for me but we always had fantastic sex, so naturally I would think about it non-stop after I split up with him and apparently so did he regarding how he always tries it on with me whenever he saw me. It's been two years since we split and there have been a couple of times that I gave into the craving and we'd have sex again, even though I knew it was just a phsical thing.

 

It does die down alot though with time. I don't think you'll ever stop thinking about this completely, but I think you will eventually clearly see that it would be a bad thing to actually go and do it, so eventually you would still fantasise about sex with him, but you wouldn't feel the strong erge to actually go and re-enact it.

 

Arg! It is so hard at times though, but you just gotta think of the bad outcomes it would bring. it's worse when you know the ex is wanting to have sex with you just as much as you are and they try to break you whenever they see you!

[FCTex]

It's natural.

 

The only super meaningful relationship I had, we had some of the most earth shattering sex. Our sexual chemistry, and physical make up, was so right on with each other that we simply couldnt get enough for almost 2 years, until it ended between us.

 

I can be with another women, in a relationship, or doing ANYTHING, and still have thoughts of wanting to just tear her apart like we used too. After we broke up, we hooked up a few random times throughout the first 6 months, those eased the tensions, as she was having the same "yearning" I think.

 

It gets better as time goes, you make other memories to take place, and it slowly fades, but will never go away.