beyonddevastated Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Yea- I had a panicky moment & called him. He was supposed to call me tomorrow to talk about going to dinner, but I was weak. I was happy that he answered & brought up where & when we will meet tomorrow night, but I heard no feeling in his voice. I asked him if he thought things will be ok with us, and he said, "Yea...I think probably." I wish he was more enthusiastic& happy to hear from me. I'm so scared to see him tomorrow. He told me that its not to get back together, its to get along & be together without the drama. Im so not looking forward to our "goodbye" after dinner. I dont get the whole, "Keep calm & cool & give him space, and he will want you more." I just dont get that, yet I hear it all too much. Link to comment
DN Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Try it anyway - because you are going to drive him away doing what you are doing. That is why he is reacting as he is. Link to comment
beyonddevastated Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I've done SO well though!!! I havent called him since Thursday! I needed to calm down for the night. Should I suggest we talk once or twice a day after tomorrow- maybe to open it up a little? Make sure we can get along? Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Hey Beyond... I read your initial post and then this one. You are stressing out WAY too much about this. You're turning something VERY simple into something very complicated....which is EXACTLY what he does not want from you. Truthfully I would try to do a complete 180 with this guy.... I would cancel the date tomorrow...saying smething else came up... and then implement NC. Why? Because RIGHT NOW he KNOWS you're stressing out over him. You couldn't even wait for HIM to call YOU. You need to exercise some self control here. Being needy is NOT attractive. Link to comment
beyonddevastated Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 I know but our relationship has always been based on both of our neediness. Staying away for as long as I have is such a change. My birthday is Saturday & I hope that by then we are okay. I've done like a 100, not a 180, but when we talk is when he sees my neediness. I am just baffled by how unexpected this was. Link to comment
DN Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 It is high time it was not based on neediness by either of you. It seems he has already realised that and is prepared to walk away unless it changes. By calling him today you proved that neediness is still there so you haven't done a 100 - you haven't really changed at all. Unless you can really change the way you think, act and react, I fear for your chances of making this work. It is the old way of running the relationship that got you into trouble and you don't seem to understand that. What worked before is unlikely to work to get him back this time - and even if it does it is unlikely to work for much longer. Link to comment
beyonddevastated Posted March 27, 2006 Author Share Posted March 27, 2006 okay okay. Now I'm scared! I hadnt called AT ALL. He called me yesterday, I didnt call him. I'll start over now. If he didnt want to talk, or if he wanted to test my reactions, he wouldnt have answered. It's 1 call in 3 days- dont make me feel too bad I understand the point- I just dont like it. I'll be back tomorrow night with results.....hopefully okay ones, but he made it clear its NOT to start over yet.. Link to comment
DN Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 The key word being 'yet', so all hope is not lost. It all depends on how you handle yourself from here on in. And absolutely not to your question about calling once or twice a day. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Beyond, I agree with Lady Bugg and DN on this. You are not doing any favors or yourself. Go back and look at some of my posts about calling. Good Grief I was a maniac and was not helping my situation. I have realized that they will call you just have to trust in them that they will. If your relationship is based on neediness on both your parts it is doomed. I hate to say that but how can a relationship be a success if both partners are not independent enough away from one another. it sounds as though he is trying to do that and you dont want him to. Don't you want to have a healthy relationship or do you like being clingy, needy, and anxious all the time? I find it didnt help or do me any favors. Good Luck. Link to comment
southerngirl Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Truthfully I would try to do a complete 180 with this guy.... I would cancel the date tomorrow...saying smething else came up... and then implement NC. Why? Because RIGHT NOW he KNOWS you're stressing out over him. You couldn't even wait for HIM to call YOU. This is very good advice.. TRY it and see what happens , play the 'game' even if you really do want to see him. Link to comment
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