beyonddevastated

I guess. It's just hard to make such a complete turnaround. I find ithard to not talk to him, but hard knowing he is doing things neither of us ever wanted to do before. I hope all works out in the long run.

Right now I feel like I need him. I just want it to be the way it was.....I really dont know what to say to him when we see eachother.

It's hard bc its a complete double standard. He is the most controllng person I've ever met, and now after 4 years he has a couple friends, and I'm the controlling one? I dont know. I dont see why its so bad to say, "I showed you I can give you space and not control your life. If you are so sure we will be back together soon, whats the point in waiting?"

So no, "Leave me alone till your done getting wasted every weekend. Call when you are ready to be my real boyfriend once again & stop stringing me along."?? While your advice makes sense, I kind of feel like while I'm showing him I can be "not-contolling", maybe what he is really getting from me is the best of both worlds.......

Well here I am AGAIN! Last night I went out with my friend, and he went out with his. He called me a couple times, we made plans to see eachother finally at 1:30am. At 1:25, he calls me WASTED, and bc I wasn't at his house yet (neither was he), I was completely berated. This has happened one other time. He told me that it was obvious that hanging out with myfriend was more important than him, that we were probably out trying to get sex with random guys, that I'm a wh**e and that he'd not into this so its done. Real nice. I couldnt say one word, bc he wouldnt stop repeating those horrible things. We had plans today, and he said that I should make plans with the guy I hung out with last night, bc he is done dealing with such a wh**e. And then his phone goes off for the rest of the night. This morning we talk like NOTHING happened. He's all, "What happ. last night? Last night was crazy. I dont remember anything....." So I gave him his "space" and now look. Yea he's a total a**hole, but without alcohol I know how great he is. We are seeing eachother in a few hours & I dont know what to do. I am NOT spending another weekend like this. Part of me wants to tell him to leave me alone till he is done with getting drunk @ bars every weeekend thing, and to call me when he can be back how we used to be (minus a few negative aspects). As much as I know I should do this, I am scared he will walk away......at least at first. I hate this, bc this week we have gotten along so wonderfully & I want him to be like that always, and realize the bar life will run out quick. Please help. I'm seeing him in like 3 hrs.

Yea they give him s*** I'm sure. I am HOPING it's just for this weekend, bc he had already made plans with them. I feel like maybe tomorrow when I see him, I should talk to him about it. I just dont know what to say! Well I know for sure we will be back together. He just called from his friends car & told me that again. He said he just wants to "hang out with his friends". Tomorrow when we talk, what do I say? I dont want to give him an ultimadum like, "we hafta be together or not talk", bc I cant take that. I know things are going well, but he has the best of both worlds now, so how can it end? What should I say or do?

Hi. So my bf of 4 years decides he needs space to not be "controlled". We have always been very controlling of eachother, but I guess he is fed up. ANyway, last week was hell, but since we saw eachother on Tuesday, things are good. He says we will definitely be back together soon, but not yet. So last night we hung out & it was absolutely perfect, but we acted like bf/gf the whole time. I just dont know what to do bc last week he made plans w his friends to go to some sports event & then out for a little bit after. This morning he told me that we could meet up afterwards and that made my day wonderful. But me, being who I am, had to call & ask him when we would meet up, how he would get there, if we were definitely gonna see eachother, etc. He got kinda frustrated & now the situation SUCKS. I cant stand the thought of him out drinking @ a bar with his a**hole friends. It makes me insane, bc we NEVER did anything like that. The last thing he said was to call him when my night is over, and then he will try to end his night so we can see eachother, but I left him a message saying I'd be done by 1, and to call me if he will be ready by then. Whatever, this isnt even the POINT. I cant stand how we act together & talk to eachother. He tells me we will be together & makes up some BS about how this space will make us better together. I know he loves me & wants to be with me, but I cant take this waiting period while he can do whatever he wants. HELPPPPPPPPPP

okay okay. Now I'm scared! I hadnt called AT ALL. He called me yesterday, I didnt call him. I'll start over now. If he didnt want to talk, or if he wanted to test my reactions, he wouldnt have answered. It's 1 call in 3 days- dont make me feel too bad I understand the point- I just dont like it. I'll be back tomorrow night with results.....hopefully okay ones, but he made it clear its NOT to start over yet..

I know but our relationship has always been based on both of our neediness. Staying away for as long as I have is such a change. My birthday is Saturday & I hope that by then we are okay. I've done like a 100, not a 180, but when we talk is when he sees my neediness. I am just baffled by how unexpected this was.

I've done SO well though!!! I havent called him since Thursday! I needed to calm down for the night. Should I suggest we talk once or twice a day after tomorrow- maybe to open it up a little? Make sure we can get along?

Yea- I had a panicky moment & called him. He was supposed to call me tomorrow to talk about going to dinner, but I was weak. I was happy that he answered & brought up where & when we will meet tomorrow night, but I heard no feeling in his voice. I asked him if he thought things will be ok with us, and he said, "Yea...I think probably." I wish he was more enthusiastic& happy to hear from me. I'm so scared to see him tomorrow. He told me that its not to get back together, its to get along & be together without the drama. Im so not looking forward to our "goodbye" after dinner. I dont get the whole, "Keep calm & cool & give him space, and he will want you more." I just dont get that, yet I hear it all too much.

Oh I will! Cross your fingers! Thanx a lot for the advice!

HEY! My smiley didnt work!!! [-o

Thanks- I'll try it! My heart rate has been extremely fast for 90% of the past few days. I will see if this helps. It feels like I've been in a dream lately- even thinking back to yesterday is hard for me- nothing is really clear in my mind. I wish I wasnt so dependent on him.....oh well. Theres no going back, just forward. [-o

Yea- no alcohol anyway- I'm not a big drinker. Also, since Wednesday, I haven't eaten more than a cup of soup and some chips. It's not that I'm starving myself, but I am really not hungry. I have noticeably lost any weight that I had- which is kinda good, butnot too healthy. It's gonna be hard to eat with him with these nerves! I really like this website. I think volunteering is a good idea- maybe to help people in need or crisis. Thanks for all the great advice. Also, when I see him & hug him I am going to start to cry- I dont really have control over it bc of how strongly I feel. Is there a way to shut those tears off? i really dont want to scare him away at all, but i also dont want to be led on & taken advantage of. Can you guys just come to dinner with us & tell me what to do & say in a little earpiece? ](*,)