What the.. is goin on here???

[Alpar80]

Ok, well it has been well over a week now that my girlfriend and I have been separated. Since then we havent seen much of eachother, with conflicting work schedules and lack of facing me in person on her behalf it has been really diffacult. Up until yesterday was the first time in about three days that I have seen her at all. It seems that she has been really busy and been filling up all her time so that she is never alone. Every minute of the day she is busy, going to work from 8am-3pm then starting her second job from 5pm-11pm then from there going out with her "work friends", which includes her good friend from home all night until 7-730 the next morn. So basically she is never home. She has been finding ways to fill in the time that she used to spend with me, which is a good thing to do I guess right? Well here I am, moving to a new city in two weeks; initially we were going to both move together but since all of this has happened I cant do that, I cant be in this area knowing that she is living this way. It is like a completely new person I am dealing with ever since all of this went down. She seems to be scared and seems to be running from all of her emotions and fears and not facing them, but instead, staying out all of the time and trying to find time to fit me into her schedule to talk.

That's the thing though; I called her yesterday to let her know that I have made the decision to move south without her and that I am going to be going after a new job and living with relatives. This really seemed to trip her up. She said that she really needed to speak with me before I left. I told her that I really dont have anything to speak with her about and I just wanted to drop some stuff off and bid her fair-well, so I did. Time came to meet with her and she instant messaged me and asked me where I was because I hadnt shown up at the time when I said I would, kinda puttin the ball back into my court to make it look that I wasnt desperate and that I wasnt going to die if I didnt see her. She told me that she really cares about me and misses me, she said that she really needed to talk with me and wanted to see me. So she got the best of me and I decided to go over there to drop her stuff off. What shoulda been a longer talk only turned out to be a brief, she, being the busy independent woman she is now had to show up at work early. That's alright though, she's gotta do what shes gotta do. I was very stern and one worded, I told her my plans and that was what I was going to to. She preceeded to tell me that "you are like every other guy, you say you would be friends when it all goes down and you just ditch out like the rest." What she fails to acknowledge here is that I have been putting all of the effort forth to try to mend our differences and it just seems like she has no time to even see me pass by. Man am I in a dilemma. That broke me down and when I shoulda walked out I saw the way she looked at me and I just told her how I was feeling and why she was doing the things she was doing, trying to avoid me. She told me that she is trying to fill in all her time because she is lonely. She said that she wanted to hang out with me before I took off and told me she would call me when she got outta work at 10:30-11:00 last night. Well time came, no phone call... I waited and waited and fell asleep... Until, 12:30 and the phone rang. I picked it up and it was her. It turned out that her battery died and a friend from work (one of whom is a guy who she has been hangin out with a lot lately) helped her start her car. I asked her about this guy and she said she has no intentions of seeing anyone or is this break-up about any other guy. I believe her because the whole relationship that we had was based on trust, which was the reason why she broke up with me, because I wasnt truthful about things in my past and it wasnt the first time either. She would never lie and I know this for a fact. So she said that she was going to go out with him some other guy and her best friend from home (all people she works with) because she just found out that her best friend was pregnant. All of this shit has been going on, its like one dilemma after another, and is like that loving, caring, trusting girl I once knew is on cloud 9 with all of these things going on and all of these predicaments. She said for me to stop over at her place today around 3:00pm when she gets out of work becuase she wants to see me and hang out, I have to work at 4:30pm so that means that I can see her for an hour and then i'm off and she goes to her second job till 11:00pm in which she will probly go hang out with her "work friends" till the early morn again.

I am so damn confused here. She tells me that she cares about me, she tells me that she misses me and even loves me. I lay the ultimatum on her and tell her that I am leaving because I have a job offer and that there is nothing up here for me anymore. She seems to be here, there, and everywhere, running around and seems to be avoiding seeing me. Why is is that she tells me she cares and loves me and cant find more that to hang out and talk? Why is she doing this to me? All I want is for her to get off her trip and just chill out and relax and be that girl that she once was. I want to explain all of this to her but, I dont feel like its my place. I know what is going on here. It is a girl who really cares deep down for me and really loves me but, in reality is quite confused. It is apparent that she is just running from her problems, hangin out all night with "work friends" of whom I dont even know and filling all of her time gaps with stuff. She is in a mindf..k, like she says. I just dont know what to do. Should I give in and show up to see her and talk to her like she has requested at 3:00pm today? Or should I just be like I dont have the time, play her little game. Its all good when things are mutual but when it seems like she is so busy all the time running all around the place, staying up all night, why should I cater to her requests. I know she is going to be like "you blew me off" but, why should I be there for her when she is never there for me? I feel like calling her so badly right now and telling her how I feel, and that I am concerned and really love her, but I told her how I felt yesterday and she still is going doing the same shit she has been doing this whole week and 1/2, working her self to the ground and staying out all night. Im surprised she's still walking...

So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to be there and speak with her because if I dont I look like the "bad guy" as she said "youre just like all the rest of the guys, tell the girl you would be friends and then blow them off, like the rest." But then again I dont want to fall prey to her confusion and insecurity or play her game for that fact. I know she isnt like this and there are some serious things that she is dealing with, I mean, this isnt rational behavior. For me, I realize I must do what's best for me. However, when you are with someone for every single day of your life for over a year and all of a sudden this shit is being pulled, it makes you wonder, and makes you concerned. All I want to do is call her and ask her, but should I give her the time of day? What about this afternoon going to see her at 3:00pm, what should I do about that, blow it off? If I do I am an a-hole and if I go she gets her way and just continues on with her rounds. This sucks, I know who she is and is just doing this becuase she cant stomach the fact that she is all by herself now. It is an insecurity issue. Maybe I just need to go on, continue with my on stuff and let her come to me. I am tired of these games and trying to chase this woman who is all over the place. It is a big game to her, she is probly asking herself, "does he really care about me?" My goodness, how juvenile... She still has plans to move to the same city as me next year down south to continue her education but I have chose not to move with her however, move at an earlier date, actually in the next few weeks. I need to do what's best for me and let her sort her own shit out. I know she will come back to me but, I dont want her to take advantage of me and just think that she is gonna get whatever she wants. How do I explain myself to her when she asks why I never have shown up at her place to talk or called her? She then has the ball back in her court because then she can come back and say that "you dont want to make an effort either, how can you say that I dont make any effort?" This is a total catch 22 situation and it sucks. I dont want to be a part of her games.

Case and Point:

I get off the tangent and have a lot of stuff to deal with here so I seem to ramble on a lot. She tells me that she still loves me and cares for me deeply but because of the way she deals with stuff she is draggin my heart around. She says that she wants to speak with me and hang out but this entails short rendevouz which last no more that and then she's out all night. I dont want to keep falling prey to her tactics and give in because she will keep doing this if she feels as if I am going to be there waiting with arms wide open and accept what she is doing as right, but at the same time I dont want to ditch out on her because I care about her and have a lot to say. Maybe time will tell on all of this, I just want the old girl back, I know she's there, shes just hiding.... What do I do?? Please help!!!!

 

She has changed and I recognize that, I dont want to scare her with everything I have to say to her but, I just dont know what to do when she wants me to come over to talk. Does she want me to tell her how much I miss her and care for her or does she want me to say jess I need to do what's best for me and Ill catch up with you when you move in the near future. Someone who is so off-the-wall and zany right now is so hard to deal with because of her emotions.. I dont know where this is all stemming from, if it is deep rooted or what. She always explained to me her desire to spread her wings becuase she never did before, but why the heck on my time??

[secret_agent_man]

My opinion is she's just really confused. She really doesn't want to loose you, that seems apparent. She's probably just afraid of committing herself, especially with the move south (or wherever). She probably is going through a phase where she needs to find out what she wants in life.

 

It's really your decision as far as what to do. If you don't want to hang around, dont. If you do, go for it, but don't expect anything. It's in her hands then.

 

Good luck,

S.A.M.