moving on

[b8s]

well im moving on without him. if you have read my posts you know the story. i gave him an ultimadum he chose not being in the relationship.

 

since the evening of the day we broke up he has gone out drinking every night 3 weeks straight. he was never like that before i know hes doing it because he has a low self esteem and i know he was in love with me broke up with me because he felt he was not going to be what i wanted. (not good enough). not wanting to go home to an empty apartment.

 

i am worried about him he is messing his life up so much with this and im afraid it will go completely out of control. i know not my problem but i love him.. i know now even if he cleaned up his act i couldnt get back with him because i would allways wonder when it would happen again. and i know what i want from life and that is not it.

i will still see him at work and say hi but nothing more, i can tell you its really hard to have to see that person everyday and hear the things he has been doing. oh well i havent called or texed since sat and all this hit me tues night lets hope i stick with it!

i dont think there is anything i can do to help, i dont even want to talk to him anymore, because he is not the same.

 

sorry needed to vent i am still sad and very upset even though i dont want to. i know im making the right move in moving on and not trying to fix things or offer him help he needs to figure out on his own what hes doing to himself.

 

someone here said

you need to love yourself before you can love someone else

 

and that is what made me realize its not me and its not something i can fix. he has problems and if he didnt want to work on them or let me help him when we together. than he lost out!!

[eleanorrigby1]

Good for you.

 

Someone has to want to change themselves, they need to realise their problem and want to help themselves.

 

We can't save anyone, but ourselves.

 

Good luck to you

[kerure]

I wonder if it helps to know that you're not alone in this... I am going through the most painful time as well right now, it seems to get more difficult as the days roll by but I know I'll get there somehow. Of course, I don't have to see him at work everyday, we do not even live in the same country but it couldn't have been more painful if we did.

 

Just keep yourself occupied girl. Repeat to yourself over and over again how you tried your best and how the best is simply what you deserve in return. Tell yourself things can only get better and they will. It's hard, I should know!!! It's just a week I had to call it off with the one man I have come to love with my whole heart and soul. The man I had hoped would be the father of my kids in the not too distant future. I cired all through the 12 hour flight back to my county. When guys are so complicated and you know, a bit messed up in their personal lives, they need to work on themselves, by themselves. Miracles do happen and people change, but believe me, they have to at least know they have a problem before the desire to change visits them. My ex is the only one who thinks he's doing the right thing, his whole family and friends keep telling me how mad they think he is for letting me walk out of his life.

 

I could go on for ever but the truth is, you're the only one who can make yourself happy and refuse to stay low in the dumps over a guy who probably does not deserve you. As you said, YOUR life is about YOU and the things you believe in. Too many compromises in a relationship do not amount to a happy life. I guess writing all these to you is in some way very therapeutic for me as I am very low in the dumps myself right now.... hold my hand, we'll cross the storm together.

 

Feel free to pm me if you wish. Maybe we can help each other.

 

All the best!

[Bingo72]

One of the best things I have ever learned to do when this happened to me was to not allow myself to know what he was doing since our breakup. I don't know how much you overhear at work but if it's people coming up to you and telling you these things then you need to tell them you don't want to know what he's doing at night. You have to not put yourself in a position where you will see him, let him see you, ask people what he's up to, etc. Why should you feel any guilt over his choice of actions these days? The best way to get over him is to go on living. He's going to wonder what you're doing, where you are, who you're with but don't let him know what became of you, that will hurt him the most.

[Mun]

You are doing the right thing for you. While you care about him, you can't make him feel better about himself or do the things he has to do to feel better. This all has to come from him...and it just might--in time.

 

You might want to ask mutual friends and co workers not to tell you about his whereabouts... you don't need the added stress. They should understand.

 

He's an adult.You look out for you and let him deal with the break up in his own way.

 

Hope you are feeling better soon