My house burnt down

[BAS231187]

im 18 living with my parents. we came home on saturday to find the house destroyed. fire in the loft burnt everything up there that then collapsed and burnt everything on the second floor and all the water put on the fire has flooded the ground floor.

iv salvaged some of my possesions but about a binbags worth.

 

that is depressing enough as it is. but my dad thinks im going to use this as an excuse to do nothing and fail my exams. he wants to talk to a teacher to ask if the exam board will alter my marks because of what happened but also to check i havnt been slacking.

i in genral do the minimum amount of work possible to get by. my grades are still good but i do very little work. so whoever he talks to is going to say i do very little and my dad is gona have a fit and threatend to kick me out of the non existant house.

 

i have nothing to look forward to. i have been out every night this week drinking to take my mind off things and have fun with friends but that just makes my dad think im doing even less work.

 

by the time the house is fixed ill be moving to uni so dont really get the benfits of "at least ull get a nice new house"

 

my friends are all i have left. and the more time i spend with them the more my dad seems to hate me. i try and cover up how hard im finding all this and spent all day tuseday scavenging for things that havnt been damaged. i could stand doing that again so went out on wednessday with a really close friend who has helped me more than i could reasonable ask her to. but then that really pissed my dad off that i wasnt helping.

 

just wanted some one to talk to really but if u have any advice it will be apreciated.

 

Ben.

[RayKay]

Hey Ben,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your house, I had a friend whom lost their house to fire a few years ago too and it is very hard - it's not just losing a house, but a big part of your life, memories, personal items, it's painful! And I am sure your dad is feeling it too, which may be why he is more impatient, it's very hard to see something you worked so hard for be destroyed.

 

Just do the best you can on your exams....it's not easy when you are under stress, but don't give your dad an excuse to turn it on you, just work your butt off from now until you are done so you can get into uni and start the rest of your life! I am sure your dad is just concerned about you not doing well as he knows you have the potential too..most parents would feel the same, they don't want you to have regrets later and want you to have every opportunity available to you

 

Take care, and big hugs,

 

RayKay

[WildChild]

I am so sorry about your house, your home. RayKay is right about your exams. Don't let your Dad have any excuse to come at you with your grades. Many times when people are told they are failures, they tend begin believing that. Efforts become less and less because "why try, it won't make a difference anyway." But in the end the Ben it does matter. Why? Because it is your life. Your efforts now will pay off for YOU! Good luck, and keep your eyes straight ahead on YOUR future. Again I am sorry for your family's loss.

[kellbell]

Hi Ben,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your house. My word, I can't imagine what that is like. (((hugs)))

 

I am sure your dad feels like he let everyone down even though the house burning down was NOT his fault. But because he may feel he is provider and protector, the house burning down may make him feel like a failure and that he let his family down. And he may be taking his frustrations out on you. Some people cope differently and react to tradgedy is different ways as well. I am sure he is proud of you and wants you to succeed.

 

I know taking these exams will be extremely hard and it will be hard to focus but still try to do the best you can. That's all you can do. I wish you all the best on your exams and let us know how you are doing when you can.

 

Again, big hugs to you and your family.

[spaggle]

Hey Ben, Hats here. Dont be silly im your friend ill always be here for u. Just like u have been for me. Ok as many times I keep telling you, yes it is a difficult thing. all the things lloyd said last night, yes they made sense. You have all those memories in your heart, you should never let them go, and im sure you wont. I cant imagine how difficult it must be, in a sense its part of ur identity, ur house, Urs. But those memories are also yours and they are the most important thing right now. But also you need to realise that u have this rented house which u will be moving into soon. Dont forget its not like the memories u have now are the only ones u ever will have. You're going to make so many more memories in the new house, at uni, bk at the old/new house in ur uni breaks, and we can have some crazy parties (not quite as crazy as yakimovs lol). But just remember this is not the end, no where near the end. As time passes and when ur in the rented house it will begin to get alot easier, i promise. Once uv salvaged most of the stuff and moved in to the house, then ull be surprised it will get easier. Try not to think about what the old house is like now, but remember things for how they were. Remember what we always say when summit stupid and crazy and surreal happens- how boring would life be without things like this? everything would be the same. Its a difficult thing, im sure. But this is another thing to add to ur life. in the long run this could even have good effects. Im a great believer in everything happens for a reason. I know one good thing that has come from this event. No wait 2. One being that at roughly the same time the house was probably ablaze....I was in a very very very down mood. I felt like id reached the end, but when u rang me later on, i realised there is alot more to life, and i do have a purpose and its to be there for my friends, and that I can look to the future, just as we all should, rather than looking at the past. The second good thing is its made me able to help you for once and show you that I do care. because I do. But now we can both look to the future, and think of all the cool things we can do once the worst part is over....... PARTY. lol

See you later,

Hats

xxxxx

 

[Invicta]

My house buned down when I was in middle school. We came back from a camping trip and found a pile of ashes, and still hot coals. When we first pulled into the driveway my mother sister and brother and I sat in the car for at least 5 minutes in complete silence. Then my mom said "someone has been here". Then we sat there some more. Later I found out my mom was right... the landlord had torched it for the insurance. We'll.. we couldn't prove it was him but needless to say, no one got any insurance money.

 

Although shocking and painfull at first, I don't think back on it with sadness. This sort of trajedy helps you find out who your real friends are. In the end it's just a bunch of stuff and since I'll never know... I have to assume the arsonist was nice enough to get the pets out beforehand.

 

As far as the trouble's you seem to be having with your father, keep in mind that he's going through some serious * * * * too. He may be taking out his frustrations out on you. If I were you, since you're stuck there till college, I would just take it and humble these last few months with your family and be happy to serve as steam vent for your dad. Despite what you may feel right now, your family members are the most valuable people you have in this world. Friends are good, but they're not family

 

The whole fiasco actually ended up being quite a bonding experience for my family, and it's actually a whole lot of fun to start over. Although it was several years of rentals before we finally settled down in a home, we decided not to buy new furniture. We lived in an almost empty house that we slowly furnished as we found the right pieces for each room.

 

So don't fret. From my experience, fire represents regrowth as we'll as destruction.