Passion to Best Friends????

[J-2-F]

Hi all

 

After my last post on 14/03/06 "5yrs and now nothing" things have got alot more complicated. I went NC 4 the whole week after many people here suggested that would be the best thing. Then on Thursday my ex phoned and then again on Friday saying she needs to see me cause she has had a bad week and i am the only one that would understand. Now i sit right back at the begging again. Feeling all that emptiness and don't know what to do. She said that we could be best friends but i can't do that cause everytime i see her or speak to her i get all upset all over again.

 

Just want to know if it is possible to go from a intamate relationship to just be friends and how to forget about what we shared??

Will time make me forget about our relationship??

How does it feel to just be friends with your ex - girlfriends??

 

Thanks for your support, it helps me alot ](*,)

[Goodfun88]

If you are still having feelings for her it will be impossible to be friends right now. There are to many feelings involved and you will continue to keep hurting. Maybe at some point down the line you will be able to have a friendship with her after you have healed, but I don't think now is a good time. Good luck!

[mystik]

1) Just want to know if it is possible to go from a intamate relationship to just be friends and how to forget about what we shared??

2) Will time make me forget about our relationship??

3) How does it feel to just be friends with your ex - girlfriends??

 

 

1) Possible to become friends, improbable you will forget what you shared. How to forget? Like most others on enotalone, NC. Tell her you want to be friends, but she needs to respect the fact that SHE broke up with YOU thereforeeee, you are in a completely different place than her. YOU need to heal and she MUST respect that. Explain to her that it's too hard. She cannot dump you and then expect you to be there when she's had a bad week. Heck, she probably put you in the worst few weeks ever. Tell her that NC Is the only way it will work, and if she really wants to be good friends later, and she respects that you're hurting, she'll do it. Tell her you'll contact her again when you feel ready. In the meantime, you have to heal.

 

2) YES!!!!! Again, not forget...but MOVE ON. Yes, you WILL get over it and move on. However, I don't think it is possible to forget and delete what happened, especially a relationship of five years. The ONLY "relationships" I sometimes "forget" are the two that lasted about five days each in highschool

 

3) It feels okay! I'm basing this on two of my exes, and not the one that just dumped me. The other two, it has been a few years though, and both parties have moved on since then. I believe it is a lot easier to become friends with BOTH involved have moved on... My current situation, well I am doing NC as much as I can (we run into each other sometimes) and it has been awkward..but I think in time, it will be okay...(Probably as soon as I finally find someone else and have fully moved on). It is very difficult to be "normal" friends when one still likes the other.

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, I do think that you can become good friends with an ex, but it takes time. You also dont forget about the stuff you shared, you just go on and create a friendship from it. It is not an easy task to become friends with an ex, but it is doable. I would advise that you give it a few months of NC before you attempt to do it, in order to give you some time to get over some of your more intense feelings for the ex. If you just try to jump into a friendship right after the breakup, there are going to be residual feelings for the ex and it will hurt you emotionally, esp if you see your ex dating around.

 

It isnt easy to become friends with an ex and it can be a roller coaster of a ride. It depends how much you are willing to risk to become friends with the ex because it will wreak havoc on your feelings. I am very close friends with my first ex but it has been a hell of a journey for me to get to this point. We are good friends though and I would trust him with my life.

[J-2-F]

I hear all of what you are saying but i also don't want to distance myself to much because what if she wants to try and make things work between us again?? We have broken up before but never for this long. Must i forget about ever getting back together must i just move on or should that still be in the back of my mind?? I really appreciate the help!!!!

[mystik]

OK I asked a similar question a few days ago. Will whatever I do, or how I act, affect my ex's decision to get back together? I wanted to know if because I was acting great and happy, if that would defer him from ever coming back, even if he wanted to. Shouldn't I at least try to get him back?

 

Everyone said no. They said, no matter what I did/didn't do, what my attitude was, it was ultimately up to him. If he really wanted to get back together he would let me know.

 

Honestly, I'm not too sure about that, but I'm going to go with it because I HAVE to move on. I simply CANNOT hold on to what might or might not happen...and you have to do the same. You need to move on. If she wants you back, she'll let you know. Don't have that in the back of your mind, don't hold ANY hope. If you do this, you either a) move on and meet someone great and better, or b) be pleasantly surprised if she did ask for you back. The alternative is not a great place to be. Easier said than done, trust me, I'm going through the same thoughts and feelings, but it's the best way.

[J-2-F]

Hey mystik

 

Thanks alot for the sound advice, you probably know how hard that is going to be, because you are in the same situation. I really don't want to live life without her but it seems i am going to have to cut all ties with her. I really can't go on like this feeling empty all the time. I hope for you that things will get better. For me it is going to be a long road but i am sure i will get there. oNe thing this has made me realise is that the heart is stronger than the mind!!!

 

Chat soon