Strange Depression

[enchanter]

I cannot say my life is bad. I really want to just write out a lot and see what anyone can make of what has been going on.

 

I feel lonely a lot. I have friends but the closest ones live an hour away. My best friend visits every other weekend. That is all good cause normally when she is around I feel better. I am not close with my family and never will be. My best friends mum is more like one to me. I have a lot of down time at home. I have recently started redoing the room so I like to be in it more. I just have too many emotions, and I am alone with them.

 

A few years ago I was in a true state of depression. For 3 months nothing but crying and sleeplessness and for no reason. Slowly that ended with the return of school. I read somewhere though that if you have been depressed and never got treatment (I chose to not get help) that you have a higher chance of becoming depressed. I feel that I will never be fully depressed again because I fear it so much.

 

I feel like I want someone again. I miss having a boyfriend and miss someone caring about me. A few months ago my first love/first really serious relationship ended. After a year and 3 months I was alone again. Took me a while to overcome but now I am. I have had one boyfriend since then but broke up with him after a month because I did not want to be with him. I took my best friends advice and stayed single for a while because it had been so long since I was. It has been about 2 months.

 

Last week I met a wonderful guy. Exactly what I am looking for. It seemed we clicked. After 3 days we already kissed and it didn't feel wrong in the slightest. Problem was that he is leaving for college, and lives an hour away when he is home. Though he, like me, had a serious relationship and I gave him advice on if he should try again with her. I said yes because I believe in second chances. If you didnt try again then you would wonder forever. I never really thought anything would happen between us, and its not that I am wanting him. Its just I feel so hopeless because I cant find that guy I am looking for. I feel like I missed out because one so close just passed by.

 

It just isnt great to feel such unhappiness with life. Its like being on the edge of depression but knowing you wont go over.

[secret_agent_man]

With every door that closes, another opens. Don't think of it as: "you missed out", just think of it as: "there ARE good people out there for me". Take it as a sign of things going well for you.

 

Many times people meet at a time in their lives where things just can't work out, and they're forced to let go. It's definitely sad, but these people move on to bigger and better things. It's just the way things go, so don't get down on yourself, you're not alone.

 

Never regret a good time, and look back at it with a smile!

 

S.A.M.

[segagirl]

You may indeed be suffering from a mild form of depression, and yes without treatment it can continue to haunt you for years.

I think however from what I am reading... that you don't know how to be happy just being by yourself. This is one of the most difficult things for people to do.

Truly knowing how to be "alone" and enjoying it. To love spending time with yourself is the greatest gift you can give. Not only to you, but for a future mate. For me I spent years working on this, getting comfy with who I am, and taking the time I have for just me...to do the things I love...I can now do so many more things!! I never feel alone...I can pick myself up and go to a movie, dinner or anything without thinking twice about it.

Filing your life with others is nice, but others cannot always be there. People move, relationships end. When it's all said and done what are you left with? YOU...so best to really like yourself.

[fenstrt]

that you don't know how to be happy just being by yourself. This is one of the most difficult things for people to do.

Truly knowing how to be "alone" and enjoying it. To love spending time with yourself is the greatest gift you can give. Not only to you, but for a future mate.

 

exactly the right thing to say. I'm actually going through a phase where I've just got out of a relationship, and I was very co dependant. I felt the need to be in it. not only that but I felt that I needed her to be happy. I don't think the need to be with someone you love is a bad thing. but feeling like you need it to be happy, or lead a normal life is.

Enchanter, IMO, you're codependant on any guy. you need a relationship to be happy. I knwo how hard it is to get out of that mindset. I'm still doing it. my best advice to you is, get a hobby, get a puppy, get a plant, get something else. make yourself happy, make yourself someone you love, then give your love away.